I'm back... I haven't been near my computer for months, except to check emails so I haven't been posting blog entries. I've been in what I describe as "swirling mode" -- I'm still jettisoning lots of "stuff" (beliefs, feelings, goals) through the centrifugal force caused by spinning. It's feels like I am experiencing a "Spring cleaning" for the soul after what seems like a very "dark and stormy night of the soul". I'm still swirling but the velocity and intensity has lessen greatly; probably because I embraced the process instead of trying to run away from it. I'm giving myself permission to let the process continue as long as necessary to rid myself of any negativity from the past so that it doesn't come with me into the present or the future.
Lot's of things have been taking place at once: my mother had emergency hip surgery and my sister and I have to find a place for her to live since she may not be able to return home, my downstairs neighbor died, my next door neighbor had a concussion and severe asthma attacks so I helped with her kids, and I took a nasty tumble injuring my "good arm" as well as re-injuring my other arm. The list could go on but I think you get the point. Lots of "yucky stuff" going on in my life at the same time. During all of this, friends really showed up to help me. They brought food, did errands, gifted me with money and had meals delivered to my apartment. I was and still am very grateful. Because my basic needs were provided for, I was able to help others. I gave words of encouragement, shared ideas, listened with an open heart and did whatever else I could to "do unto others as was done unto me." No matter what was going on, I looked for the gift in the situation and there were many. It really did feel as good to give as it did to receive!
Below is one of my surprise gifts. It's a word-for-word copy of an email that was sent to me by Jeannette M. Jackson with the intention of providing me with encouragement. I've never meet this woman and she sent this to me in response to an email of encouragement I sent her when I learned of all the challenges she'd experienced. I was so touched by her generosity of spirit that I decided, with her permission, to share her true experience with others. It's theme is to see the gifts in everything. Even if it is what we humans would perceive as initially a "bad thing."
This little roller coaster started a couple of weeks ago. I actually had a day off and pulled into the parking lot of the Target on Camelback and 11th Avenue. I initially thought I was going to go and buy some plants at their garden center and enjoy some gardening on my day off. I was sitting there waiting to turn into the parking lot...traffic is really bad there because of the light rail construction. Then I looked to my left and off to the side of the road was this beautiful cat lying there motionless. Something kept sparkling around its neck. My soul felt heavy. I knew it must be someones beloved pet, or they would not have put such a sparkly collar on it.
So I went into the garden center and asked the clerk if she had a box I could have. She said she could box up any plants when I got to the check-out stand. I then told her it was for the cat. I told her that it looked like the cat had been recently hit and I was going to go and see if it had an I.D. charm, so I could call the owner. She quickly gave me a box and some plastic bags. I just know that if something happened to one of my cats and they got out of the house, I would want someone to make an effort to call me.
Well I got to the cat and gently turned the collar around and around and no I.D. The something shining was little gold bell. So I knew this cat must have liked to sneak out, or they would not have put a bell on him. I have a boy cat that looks a lot like the cat that got hit...just younger and smaller. He was named St. Christopher, because he likes to sneak out all of the time and St. Christopher is the Saint for the travelers. My neighbors named him.
I knew the cat that had been hit was a boy, because he had not been fixed. I gently picked up his body and put him in the box. Then I called the non-emergency police number, because I did not know where to take him to get him scanned to see if he had a micro chip. The officer said to call the Humane Society and they would send someone to pick him up. I told her I could not leave him in the street and that I would take him to the Humane Society. I called them and they gave me their location.
I found myself talking to the cat and praying that his owners would have a healing from him transitioning. I told him that is was OK to go back to God. That his job was done here and that his owners are thankful for the love that he brought into their lives. Anyone would have thought I was crazy talking to a dead cat!
I went to the Humane Society and they scanned his still warm body. No microchip. I then asked her if she would write down a really good description of him including his black collar with shiny gold bell. She said she would and they would keep the description on file for three days (just in case someone called looking for him). She said it was rare that anyone would pick up the cat and that normally people call and have them pick up the animals off of the road. She said that his little head was hit really hard and probably did not suffer for very long. I wondered if the person that hit him knew that they had hit him. She said they probably thought it was a rock, because of all of the construction.
I know that God brought that little guy with the golden bell to me to prepare me to help my neighbors and friends these last couple of weeks. My heart was so heavy after I left the cat. I cried all the way home. I thought my friends and family would think that I crazy for crying and feeling such sorrow over a cat that was not even mine. Then I realized who cares what anyone would think about me. I don't think I have ever been understood since the age of 10. It just does not matter. What does matter is that day that cat was an affirmation for everything that I believe in...it just took a reminder to prepare me for the future.
Because of that cat I have been rock for those that have needed me lately. It was an affirmation to always honor and respect all living and dead beings. To treat everything with love and kindness, because there really is no death. I told my mother about what had happened. She did not laugh at me, or make fun of me. She said that I should share the golden bell story with people who might need to hear the bell ring themselves. So you are the second person I am sharing it with. It would not surprise me if that cat's little gold bell rang all the way to heaven!
Anyway, these last few days strength, faith and a thankful heart have helped me help my friends and loved ones. When anyone gets really down or is tired, for some reason I have known just the right thing to say. Even when I kept going back forth to the hospital to see friends and family members, I knew exactly what to bring to make each person feel more loved and comfortable. I would get there and they would say...wow Jeanette how did you know that I needed that right now. Daisy the mother to Nate who was in the hospital kept saying "you have such a heart of gold".
Maybe that is my little gold bell and maybe that will help the angels find me when it is time to go back home. Bottom line-- we all have a heart of gold. Each of us has challenges and even though we do the challenges can never be too great to find love to share with someone else. So "when you hear a bell an angel gets their wings really is an understatement." Maybe when we hear a bell...it means for us to open our hearts of love to everyone.
