JPS & Associates ... helping you master change

6 Steps to a Happier Life

The following equation really summarizes what needs to take place if you want to make any lasting changes in your life. It looks easy on paper but there's a lot of work that needs to take place behind the scenes. If you change any part of the equation, you change your life – either for the better or the worse.

Beliefs + Choices (Goals) + Actions + Determination + Persistence – doubts = your reality.

Let's take a look at some parts of the equation from the vantage point of an eagle.

1.   Beliefs are the results of events or what we are taught as children. They are not true or false. They need to be looked at to see if they are getting you closer to the life you want or keeping it away from you. You might have been believe "you'll never amount to anything" because that's what your dad always said about you. If you examine that belief, you'll be able to determine if it's true now. You'll be able to list all your accomplishments and you'll be able to consciously let go of that negative belief that does nothing to improve the quality of your life.

2.   We always have 2 choices – yes or no. We may have forgotten that fact but it's still true. Awareness (knowing something is possible) gives us the power to make new and better choices. No matter what we decide, we need to accept responsibility for our choices if we don't want to be a perpetual victim. If your mind says yes, check in with your gut to see if it agrees. Our intuition is located within our body, not our mind so when follow your feelings since they don't have an ego attachment to the results.

3.   Change starts with the intention to do something differently. Nothing changes until some action is taken. I can set the intention that I'm going to lose 10 pounds but until I decrease my calorie intake and increase my expenditure of energy, the number on the bathroom scale isn't going to budge.

4.   Determination (consistently focusing your attention and intention) to achieve or get something you really want. You must really want the change in every cell of your being. If you're not committed to the new result, you won't achieve it. If your spouse wants you to stop smoking but you don't want to quit, no amount of determination will turn you into a non-smoker. YOU have to want the result because it's of value to you.

5.   Persistence means keep moving forward towards your objective no matter how long it takes to manifest, what other people say about your idea and it may mean taking baby steps until you're ready to sprint to the finish line. Don't give up because the answer to your prayer may be just minutes away from coming to you.

6.   Doubts are the result of lack of trust in God, oneself or both. They can come from outside or inside influences. When launching a new idea, don't share it with people who will throw cold water on your red-hot idea. Find people who will cheer you on when your momentum is lagging a bit. If every inventor listened to and was influenced by any "doubting Thomas's", we wouldn't have made so much progress.

We've just covered the basics of the equation at a high level. To actually apply the equation to improve your life, you might consider hiring a professional success coach to help you look at any limiting beliefs that may be buried inside your brain. A coach would also make sure you take action and, because you want to get your money's worth from the coaching relationship, you'll get faster result working in partnership with a coach than you would on your own. Hiring a coach is your commitment to yourself that you really do want to change and that's the first step in having a happier, healthier and more successful life.

© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

What does spiritualilty in the workplace mean?

The Secret, also known as the Law of Attraction, has many people interested in applying spiritual principles in all areas of their life. Many people confuse religion with spirituality and, therefore believe that spirituality doesn't apply to the workplace. I disagree. Maybe after you read my definition of spirituality, you'll agree with me. But, if you don't, that's OK.

What does spirituality in the workplace mean? For me it means many things.  It means:

·    viewing what I do at work in a higher context;

·    seeing how what I do impacts not only me, but my colleagues, my customers, my  company my industry, my community and my environment;

·    doing things proactively to make my company a better place for the current employees and the ones that will come on board later;

·    taking full responsibility for my actions and my "in-actions" – no excuses , no 
finger pointing;

·     telling my truth, having integrity and being authentic;

·     continuous, life-long learning – whether it's acquiring new skills, increasing my self-knowledge or exploring new ideas;

·    communicating from my heart rather than my ego and having others do the same;

·    expressing gratitude and appreciation openly and often;

·    making conscious choices to do what's morally and ethically right every moment of every day;

·     giving honest feedback in such a way as to maintain someone else's self-esteem;

·     being open-minded as well as non-judgmental and treating everyone with respect no matter what their job title, their race, their religion, their gender or their income bracket;

·     encouraging everyone to creatively solve their problems, and then unleashing their creativity to other arenas of the business and the community;

·    and realizing that change is the only constant in life.

In other words, spirituality in the workplace means going beyond just "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you."  It's about focusing on the quality of our lives and realizing that we're all interconnected.  It's about knowing that you can reach your goals only by serving others as best as you can, and helping others achieve their goals.  Successful businesses, and successful relationships in general, are built upon service to others.

© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com, www.jpstein.org 

Powerful words

Have you ever had a disagreement with a family member, friend, co-worker or complete stranger and gotten frustrated because the other person just didn’t “get” what you were trying to say? I know I sure have. I’ve found that certain words shut down communication while others are keys to open communication.

Here are some words that shut down communication.

You’re wrong…

I never said that…

You should…

You must…

You always…

Can’t you…

Shut up…

When you start sentences with these words it’s as if you’re holding up a big red stop light because all positive communication stops and a game of “he said, she said” starts and never really ends. One party is trying to prove they are “right” which means they have to make the other party “wrong” and nobody really likes to be wrong. It’s as if you start the conversation with a closed mind and nothing the other person can say is going to change your mind. Neither party is really satisfied with the results and has to find a way to release the anger that is generated by closed communication. That can take the form of physical or emotional abuse, illness, depression, or addictions to name just a few.

On the other hand, if you want to really have close relationships and to feel good about yourself and others, you might consider using open phrases similar to the ones below. They are statements about how you feel or what you want. Nobody can tell you that you don’t want or need something because they are not you. They have not had your life experiences nor seen an event from the exact same point of reference as you did. Both of you filter your interpretation of an event through your own frames of reference.

Sentences that start with “I” or “Would” give the green light to continuing the conversation. You are just giving or asking for information. This takes the emotion out of the statement and allows the other party to stay neutral rather than to jump into a defensive mode. These opening phrases enable you to say exactly what is real for you.

I’ve noticed…

Is it OK with you…

Are you willing…

I have a need to…

I want…

I need…

I’d appreciate…

I’d prefer…

Would you please…

I’m curious…

Would you consider…

Choose your words carefully because they will either bring you closer to another or push them away. If you notice you used a “red light” word and didn’t mean to, an “I’m sorry” goes a very long way.

© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS and Associates. www.bestcoach4u.com, All rights reserved.

Common ground...

Do you know any person who is perfectly right all the time? The fact is no one is ever completely right or completely wrong all the time. I’m certainly not. You are not. The people in your life are not.

It helps to keep this in mind as we relate to one another. We all make mistakes. We all have brilliant moments of insight. And normally, we all fall somewhere in between those two extremes.

“Walk a mile is somebody else’s shoes” before you judge or criticize them. Our life circumstances and our reactions to those situations create our character, our viewpoint about life and our coping skills.

No two people have had the exact same experiences or the exact same reactions to a situation. We each do the best we can to get the love and support we want and to maintain the “illusions” about ourselves that we think define who we are . As my aunt who is in her 80s has been going through the “healing process” associated with her broken leg, she’s told people not to come and visit her. She wants to be alone.

I heard this and it made me uncomfortable since it’s the opposite of how I react to stressful situations. I want people around me when I don’t feel well. I want immediate love, support and soothing words. I tried to put myself in my aunt’s shoes (or shoe as the case may be) and, from her perspective, she wants to be alone as she doesn’t want to admit that she’s not in control of the situation. She doesn’t want to admit to herself that she’s human just like the rest of us. That’s her self-image and she wants to hold on to it, no matter what the cost.

I don’t have a right to change her since her viewpoint is no more right than mine is. Her coping mechanisms are as perfect for her as mine are for me. All I can do is to see beneath the surface and see my aunt’s core. She’s a point of divine love, just as I am. Granted that I wish she’d reveal that more often but it’s there none the same. When I focus only our differing personality traits, we walk in different directions. When I allow the love within my soul to merge with the love within her soul, we can walk together on common ground. For me, that’s the path I choose to follow. My aunt has to choose her own path and I have to allow her to do so, even if it takes her to places that I don’t want to go.

A powerful strategy for effective communication is to first understand the other person. You must go beyond superficial judgments to find something of value with which you can identify and relate. You’ll never completely agree on everything, yet you can almost always find useful and valuable common ground.

Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com, jp@bestcoach4u.com

You can't change the weather

It’s in the low 40s at 8:00 in the morning and I’m bundled up in sweat clothes and eating my warm oatmeal as I type this blog entry.

I love the cool weather since here in Arizona we has so little of it. It feels great to put on a sweater, eat warming foods, gather around a fireplace and being able to be outside during the afternoon without fear of dissolving into a puddle of sweat. It’s also nice to be able to touch the steering wheel in my car without risking 3^rd degree burns and to be able to keep things in the car without fear that they will melt into some unrecognizable form.

It rained yesterday and that was delightful – the sound of the rain on the roof and seeing thirsty vegetation drinking in as much moisture as possible, knowing that it may be a long time between showers since Arizona averages over 300 days of sunlight, some of which is blazing hot. Smelling fresh air and seeing the art show put on by the clouds were also a treat.

I’m savoring every moment, Instead of complaining about the rain or the chilly temperatures, I’m saying prayers of gratitude. Mother Nature is in charge of the weather and she’s more powerful than I am. It would be foolish to try to change the weather and frustrating beyond words. So, I just surrender to whatever is happening outside, knowing it won’t last forever and finding what makes each season special. How boring life would be with weather changes. I experience inner joy when I let go of any tendencies to want to make things different and when I stop myself from complaining about the weather or anything else for that matter.

Being fully present in the moment, makes life so much richer. It adds texture, smells, feelings and beauty to my life. The key for me is to remember there are many things in my life, much like the weather, that are out of my control. That doesn’t mean my life is “worse” or “better” than anyone else’s. It's all about my attitude. I choose to experience all aspects of my life as they occur and expecting to find the sliver lining in the clouds. I appreciate the greatness of every season, experience and person I encounter. It feels so much better than regretting the past or worrying about the future.

I can’t change the weather but I can prepare for it and enjoy life moment to moment to moment in whatever form it takes in my life. As I've said in other blogs, happiness is an inside job.

© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Receiving

I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately – probably because the pain in my arm is still limiting my mobility a bit. I’m so proud of myself when I accomplish a simple task such as washing my hair or putting on just about any piece of clothing. I know I’ll never take the use of my arms for granted.

I’m actually glad my arm is keeping me home and quiet rather than rushing around and feeling that I’ll never be able to get everything checked off my “To Do List”. I’ve had the luxury of time to go within my soul to find my authentic self and to notice how I behave in various situations. I’ve been asking myself one of Dr. Phil McGraw’s questions, “How’s that working for you?”

Some things are working great. I’m listening to my body more. If it’s tired I rest rather than override the need for my arm to be still. I ask for help more often and actually gratefully receive it and I am now recovering “people pleaser.”

What I noticed is that people always wanted to talk or to do something with me when they needed something whether it was an ear to listen to their problems, a coach to help them with a business or relationship problem or a body to go someplace with them because they didn’t want to go alone. I noticed that when I chose no longer to constantly give to other, often at my own expense, those friendships slipped away. And, guess what? I am actually happier. The energy I was investing in them, I now could invest in myself. I’m also learning to value and appreciate myself more. I don’t have to be a “people pleaser” to have friends because those relationships were so one-sided. I now prefer to be by myself rather than listening to people complain about things – sometimes for years – and never doing anything to improve the situation.

I’ve finally matured enough that I can say “no” without feeling guilty. I realized that the person who wanted me to do something would find somebody else to please them. I also realized that that same person often thought nothing of saying “no” to me when I asked for help or a favor or just an open heart who’d listened without judgment.

Giving and receiving are the flip side of the same coin. If I find that I’m either always giving or always receiving, the relationship isn’t healthy. “It’s not working for me.” Then I get to decide what I want to do next. If somebody is going to be uncomfortable, no longer will it always be me.

© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Your new life starts now...

Happy birthday!  As the saying goes, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" so it’s a day for celebration. You are born anew today. The past is over and the future is yet to come. There is only now.

Your new life starts today. You’ve been put in charge of it. You’ve been given complete control. It is fresh and new, waiting to be broken in. How it turns out is now up to you. Your choices and beliefs create your reality.

Today you have a blank slate. There are no limitations on how you can use this day. And don’t worry, you can’t make a mistake because if you don’t like today you’ll have another “birthday” tomorrow when you can make different choices, if you so desire. No choice is better than another is; it’s just different and leads to different experiences. Experiences are neutral; it’s our judgmental mind that determines if a choice is good or bad. Remember, “looks can be deceiving.” Some of my best days would look horrific from an outsider’s perspective but they were fantastic for me. For example, when I was finally able to feed myself with a minimum of pain after having injured my arm months earlier and been more or less limited to drinking my meals. This was a triumphant day for me but somebody else might have experienced it as a horrible day because they felt pain.

The clock is running now. Your day has already begun. Though it seems today that you have plenty of time, the minutes will pass quickly, so take care not to squander them. Yes, there’s plenty of time, but not enough to waste.

This is your life. It’s not a test or a trial run. It’s the real thing, and it is here. It is a magnificent opportunity, and one which will not wait. This is your birthday. See it. Imagine it. Live it. Enjoy it.  Make it great.

What do you want to do differently? Do you want to change the way you respond when you're angry, frustrated, disappointed or upset? Do you want to find more things for which you're grateful? Do you want to find more time to spend curled up with a good book or having heart-to- heart conversations with the important people in your life? Do you want to go back to school or change careers or plant a garden? Decide what you want to accomplish and then "just do it." Take the first step towards reaching the outcome you desire.

Each choice you make determines how you experience today, tomorrow and the future. Expect it to be a wonderful life filled with innumerable days and countless awe-inspiring people, places and events. Act according to that belief and, 365 days later when you reflect back on the year, that's just what you will have experienced. The quality of your life depends upon your choices from moment to moment to moment. Happy birthday dear soul. What do you want to do now?

© 2007 Joanne P. Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Divine timing

I spend a lot of time talking with people, emailing people and just observing people.  I've noticed that many of us are traveling parallel paths dealing with transitions in our lives and many of us are using our might to keep natural evolution from happening while others are holding fast to the knowledge that everything happens in according to divine timing. I’m in the second group.

Sometimes I wish the process of change/transition/growth was faster but that's just the impatient, scared kid in me responding out of fear. The adult in me knows that there is no time table for anything and that everything will lead me to where I need to go…or, more accurately, where I need to be. I'm really learning to "just be" fully in all the experiences in my life even when the scared little kid wants to run and hide behind a strong adult.

I'm learning that I have to be the strong adult for my little kid and, that each time I take care of myself, my adult gains confidence and my inner kid calms down. I also am learning that there is a gift in all situations; I just have to be willing to look beyond the packaging. Sometimes it's a gift that I have to give someone else, and sometimes it's a gift that somebody has to give me, since giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. But part of the gift is that I become more courageous.

For all intents and purposes, I'm currently under-unemployed (although I'm actively working on laying all the groundwork for my growing coaching business, writing a book and working on my own self-development), that means I have plenty of time to use my gifts to improve the quality of somebody else’s life and I have the opportunity to acknowledge and give gratitude for all the gifts I regularly receive right. Because of my flexible work schedule, I have the freedom to notice all the gifts and synchronicitic events that take place.

I'm open to all the opportunities that God has in store for me and I KNOW all will be revealed to me when I have done the preparatory work. I have to learn to crawl before I can walk and I have to walk before I can run. This applies to whatever change is going on personally, professionally, physically or emotionally.

But, I must admit, that when an unexpected new “learning opportunity” (challenge) crosses my path which is already littered with growth opportunities, part of me still wants to run and hide behind the nearest adult. When I feel scared, I acknowledge that part of me and then follow my gut reactions and take some positive action and that’s when I start “positive self-talk.” I tell myself:

“You already have what it takes to be anything you want to be, to have anything you want to have, to live the way you want to live. The ability to create the life you desire, is already yours.

Your job is to find that ability, make use of your potential, and take the actions that will lead to the achievement you desire.

It is foolish to wish that you could get something for nothing, foolish, and quite unnecessary. Because you already have everything you could possibly want, if you will just find it and make use of it.

You won’t get something for nothing, and you don’t need it anyway. Look inside yourself. Find the value that is already there, and make the most of it. Whatever you truly desire, you already have the ability to acquire. It’s up to you to make it happen.”

Divine timing means taking one-step at a time in the direction of the outcome we want. If we don’t take action, we’ll never reach our goals no matter how noble they may be.

© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com

Add joy to life...

The “secret” Law of Attraction is all the rage today. People look at it as a way to manifest what they want in their lives. The process does work as long as your beliefs are in harmony with what you want to manifest. What people who first learn about the Law of Attraction sometimes forget is it’s our thoughts and feelings that attract things to us. The universe always answers “Yes” to our feelings. If I constantly complain about how much weight I have to lose, the universe will answer “Yes” and I will continue to hold onto those unwanted pounds. The body would just be following my “orders”. If, on the other hand, I talk about all the things I have to be grateful for and that feeling of gratitude pours forth from my heart, the universe will answer “Yes” but this time it will give me more things to appreciated. It’s my positive emotion that will attract the positive experiences into my life.

The key to having more of what you want in your life is to focus on your thoughts, feelings and actions. Make sure your thoughts and feelings match the results you want. If you want positive results, you have to feel, act and talk positively. If you want more things to worry about, focus on limitation, lack, illness or any other negative.

Add joy to life and you’ll experience more joy. What can you do today to add joy to your own life, to the lives of others, or to the world at large? Can you smile at a stranger, let somebody in front of you in the grocery store line if they only have a few items an you have a huge basket of groceries or compliment a family member on how well they did something. If your are expressing joy, you can’t also be angry because you can only focus on one emotion at a time and you get to choose which emotion that’s going to be.

To the extent that you add true, unencumbered joy to your own life, you more fully become the unique and valuable person that you are.  And the joy that you add to the lives of others, comes back to you over and over again.

What makes you tingle with pure delight? What can you do right now to experience that joy? How can you spread it to others? Find a way, and you’ve tapped a powerful force that will bring abundant rewards.

Living with joy honors and affirms the priceless value of life. Celebrate and make the most of each moment by living and giving joy and you will truly know the secret to living a happier life.

© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS& Associates. All rights reserved.

Keep your vision strong

Raise your expectations about what you can accomplish. That's what champion athletes do. They continually expect more and more from themselves and they put in all the time and effort to achieve each new goal. A pole vaulter or a high jumper will raise the bar for the next attempt, even if his last jump resulted in an all-time best performance of even a new world's record. An ice skater who masters a triple jump will try to increase the number of them that she does in her next program or she might even begin working on a quadruple jump. A runner will try to run faster, a golfer will try to decrease his score and a tennis player will try to increase the speed and accuracy of her shots.

Athletes don't settle for less than their personal best and neither should you. Decide what you want to accomplish with your life. Do you want to be a world-class parent, artist, business person or human being? Get a clear picture of what success will look like for you. See it in vivid detail and really feel how your life will be different when you achieve your goal. If it's a goal worth having it's a goal worth working towards.

Get a piece of paper and list all the things that will need to take place for you to achieve your goal, no detail is too small to be listed nor too impossible to try to achieve. Then develop an action plan or a timeline that lists when you'll achieve each item on your list. Set realistic goals for yourself. If you miss a deadline, just readjust your plan rather than throwing it out. Success comes as much from doing each step in the process as it does from achieving the outcome. That's because once you've achieved a goal, it's time to raise the bar again.

It is all too easy to accept the limits placed on you by other people or by random circumstances. Easy, yes, but where does that get you? Do you want your vision to be eroded by the small-mindedness of those around you? What is your purpose, anyway—to just get along, or to make a real difference?

Respect the opinions of others, to be sure. There is much you can learn from them. Let them challenge you, support you and push you forward. Don’t let them limit you. You are your own person. Only you know what you are capable of achieving. No one else has the ability to limit that, unless you let them.  Sure, the negative comments and criticism can sting. Yet you must learn from them and move forward.

You are truly blessed with a magnificent, powerful, unique life. There are so many places you can go, so many wonderful things you can do. In all of history, there has never been anyone who can equal you. Keep your vision strong. Set your own limits. Set your own standards, and set them high. This is your life we’re talking about. It’s worth every effort you can give to it.

Life is about constantly trying to achieve your personal best. Once you've achieved it in one area of your life, you might want to focus on another. If you're a great business person, you might want to become a great artist or a terrific parent. If you're a world class scientist, maybe you also want to be a stellar spouse or a community leader. There's no limit to what you can achieve if you're willing to keep your vision strong and if you're willing to explore new possibilities.

Copyright © 1998 Joanne (JP) Stein. All rights reserved.

Have you learned yet?

When you know that every situation gives you a new opportunity to learn something about yourself or a situation, what can possibly stop you from expanding your horizon and trying something new? If you knew you couldn’t fail, what would you do that you aren’t doing now?

Guess what -- if you believe in what you’re doing, give it your best effort and give yourself permission to be less than perfect, you can only succeed.

When I took the risk and left corporate America to establish my own coaching practice, I took a leap of faith. I made many mistakes at first but learned from every one of them so they weren’t really mistakes at all. I learned not to give my services away free because they are the “product” I sell. I learned to document all changes to the scope of a project. I learned that I need to spend time marketing my services because I can be the best coach in the world but if nobody knows about me, what value do I provide? I learned something from everything I did. Mainly I learned what to continue doing in the future and what I needed to change.

Learning from your mistakes is more than just an intellectual exercise. When you’ve truly learned from a mistake, it will change your actions or behavior. When you realize that you’ve made a mistake, consider this. Have you learned its lesson yet? Are you doing something differently as a result?

By seeing every situation as a new opportunity for personal or professional growth, you succeed every time your learn something and that help keep you motivated so you can transcend self-doubt and improve the quality of your life.

In other words, excuses become just a thing of the past when you have an unshakable belief in the value of your efforts. You are a success every time you learn something and your success grows when your apply what you've just learned to the next situation. Success builds upon success and it all starts by your willingness to see a situation differently and to try something new (even if your knees are knocking).

The things you previously categorized as “good” or “bad” all take on a new definition; they become an opportunity to learn. Everything serves to move you forward, when your commitments and efforts are in step with your convictions.

Mistakes are great teachers. The lessons you learn from them are very specific, compelling and highly appropriate to your own unique situation. Your mistakes are custom-designed lessons, made just for you. Mistakes are very persistent teachers. If you fail to learn from them, they’ll keep coming back, stronger each time, until you do.

Believe that every experience is a learning experience and your view of life will change. See yourself as being successful, believe that you are a success, do the things a successful person would do and you'll truly know deep in your heart that you really are a success. Success is as much a matter of attitude as it is of circumstances. As long as you're learning and applying what you learn, you're a success!

© 2007, JP Stein
www.bestcoach4u.com
jp@bestcoach4u.com

Expectations

If you expect things to be difficult, they will be. In fact, you’ll look for “proof” to support your belief that life is difficult. If you expect miracles to happen in your life, you’ll look for “proof” to support that believe. Which expectation will cause you to improve the quality of your life? Which expectation will keep you stuck in a dead-end job or a demoralizing personal relationship? What will your life be like if you believe you’re too old or set in your ways to change? What would your life be like if you believe that you’ll always succeed because you’ll learn something from everything you experience? Expect the best from yourself and that’s what you’ll get. Expect the worse... The choice is yours.

It is easy to change your expectations, in fact you can do it in an instant, and that can be a problem. Too often, we lower our expectations because that is easier than overcoming the obstacles that stand in the way of fulfilling those expectations.

Are you being forced to lower your expectations, or are you simply choosing the easy way out? You must expect the best in order to achieve the best, yet it takes more than just expectation. It takes effort and commitment. If you lower your expectations at the first sign of difficulty, it seriously erodes their value.

Don’t lower your expectations to meet your performance. Raise your level of performance to meet your expectations. Expect the best of yourself, and then do what is necessary to make it a reality.

Copyright 2006, Joanne (JP) Stein. All rights reserved.
www.bestcoach4u.com, jp@bestcoach4u.com

Get real!

Nobody's perfect…not the swimsuit model in the magazine, not your neighbor who seems to have more than 24 hours in a day because of all she does, not your clergyman or your physician. Nobody's perfect nor do they always get whatever they want.

Everybody has lessons to learn. As you master one lesson, the next one appears. We'll never be perfect but we can become happier, find inner peace, increase our feelings of compassion and contribute to the well-being of others, become a creative problem solver and become grateful for all our opportunities to grow and develop.

You can admit reality without admitting defeat. Accepting things for what they are does not prevent you from changing them. Rather, the opposite is true. As soon as you can clearly see and own up to your weaknesses, you have begun to do something about them.

The key to our success is found in our ability to get real. We need to be willing to admit our vulnerability and to show our humanity. We need to know what's in our heart and to speak our truth with loving kindness.

If you really need a hug, ask for it. If you want to spend time with friends, pick up the phone and asked your friend to do something with you. If you want a new job, network with everybody you know and ask them for referrals. You might not always get what you want but you increase your chances if others are aware of your needs. It's far healthier to ask for what your want than to try to consciously or unconsciously manipulate others. Nobody likes being manipulated.

Here's another reason to be real. People are interesting because of their quirks. How boring life would be if everybody was exactly the same! It would be like a world populated by robots or Ken and Barbie dolls. There would be no substance.

It's by triumphing over adversity that we feel exhilarated. It's by learning to interact better with another that we increase our sense of belonging. It's how we increase our feeling of truly being understood and accepted for who we really are rather than for the façade we construct. Besides, most people can see beyond our facade anyway.

Allow your uniqueness to shine for it's what makes you special. Get real, allow others to do the same and watch how the quality of your life improves.

Your life has a certain reality right now, and you have the ability to change that reality. To change it, you must first see it for what it is. You cannot get to where you want to go if you’re unclear about where you are.

You are what you are. That’s not an excuse to give up, it is a challenge to move forward. You are what you are, and you have every ability to be what you want to be.

Copyright 2006. Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. jp@bestcoach4u.com

Appreciate the challenges

We show our true character by the way we approach the challenges in our life and, believe me, there will always be challenges.

The challenges I’ve overcome in the last five years are a testament to my strength, courage, perseverance, faith, trust and my willingness to be my most vulnerable self. The journey has been very difficult at times but I’m proud of the me that has emerged. I hope the lessons I learned will help others to learn theirs with peace, ease and grace.

Accomplishment requires effort, and effort requires resistance. Without challenges and obstacles standing in your way, it would be impossible to achieve anything. If there was nothing to impede you, everything worth doing would have already been done. And where would be the joy in a world such as that?

Success is a process, not a static state. If you’re making headway against the obstacles, you are successful. The greater the challenges, the greater the potential for fulfillment.

The persistence and effort that go into any accomplishment, serve to distinguish and substantiate it. The longer and more assiduously you work on something, the more securely it is yours. Appreciate the challenges. They make success meaningful, and possible.

If we are timid or very fearful, we try every conscious and unconscious trick in the book to get somebody else to solve our problems for us. We make ourselves sick with worry so somebody will feel sorry for us and handle OUR challenge. That way we have somebody to blame if things don't work out the way we want them to and we get to continue to feel like a victim.

We get manipulative, trying to transfer the responsibility for solving the problem to somebody else. With the responsibility, we're also transferring the ability to control the quality of our life so again we get to hold onto the illusion that we're a victim.

If we are timid or in "victim mode", we get overwhelmed and easily distracted. We procrastinate. We wallow in self-pity for so long that we get incapacitated. In other words, we do all the things that cause us to hold on to our challenges even longer than necessary and, sometimes, we acquire additional problems along the way. People who never take responsibility for their own lives or face their challenges are depriving themselves of the opportunity to feel empowered and proud of their accomplishments.

On the other hand, people who are courageous (you know the one's I'm talking about, the ones that "feel the fear and do it anyway") get stronger and more confident every time they overcome a fear and do whatever's necessary to move beyond their challenge. They strengthen their character and see themselves as being triumphant rather than as being victimized. They experience all their feelings as long as necessary. They don't run away from emotions by heading for alcohol, drugs, food or any other self-destruction solution.

They acknowledge their anger, express their fears and concerns and, even though their hands may be shaking and they may be powered by blind faith and trust, they take one step after another to get them beyond their challenge. At the end of the journey, they feel triumphant because they know deep inside that they have built up the inner strength necessary to help them handle the next challenge that they'll face. They know the only way to feel strong is by facing each challenge as it arises. It's by being courageous that we gain courage.

You don't know how truly powerful you are until your strength is tested. So appreciate the challenges and gain power by exercising your strength of character.

Copyright 2006,

Joanne Stein

. All rights reserved.

10250 E. Mountain View Road

,

Scottsdale

,

AZ

85258

(480) 661-6422, www.bestcoach4u.com

Start climbing

To get what you want out of life, you need to take positive action. You need to do the things that will help you make your dreams a reality. No matter how well prepared you are, no matter how intelligent, well-connected, or skillful you may be, the results you get depend on the actions you take. Positive thinking and positive focus will point you in the right direction. And positive, sustained effort is what will take you where you want to go.

Unfortunately, most of us haven't taken the time to specifically identify what we want to achieve during our lifetime nor what it will take to achieve those goals. As a result, many of the things we do are not actions but rather reactions. When we react, we allow others to control our actions and that seldom produces the results we want. If we allow others to control our actions, we become resentful rather than joyful. To improve the quality of our life we have to regain control of our actions.

The key to taking control of your own actions is to first ask yourself why you’re taking a particular action. Is it something you intended to do, something that moves you toward your goals, or is it more of an automatic reaction to something else? This only takes seconds to do and can produce a lifetime's worth of consequences.

To be in control, you must respond rather than react. What’s the difference? A reaction is mainly automatic. One of the most common reactions, for example, is anger. You can probably think of many things which cause you to be angry, no matter what circumstances surround their occurrence. Laughter is another automatic response as is crying. A response is more thoughtful, more measured, more focused. A response takes into account not only the circumstances of the moment, but also the objectives of the person responding.

A response might be to choose your words carefully when you know the words could escalate into a battle of wills. Instead of saying "You never do the dishes", you choose to say "I would appreciate it if you helped with the dishes every Tuesday and Thursday since that's when I have to attend a seminar." The reaction would produce an argument and the response would get the other person to at least consider your wishes.

You have the potential to do many great things. Yet regardless of your potential, no matter how much you have going for you, nothing will come of it unless you take the actions necessary to make the most of your possibilities.

You can see the summit, you can visualize yourself reaching it in glorious detail. Yet if you’re to actually make it happen, you must get up out of your chair and start climbing the mountain.  You absolutely must take that first step, and then continue until the goal is reached.

Make it a point to respond, rather than simply react, and you will strengthen control of your own actions and you'll be climbing your self-made ladder to success.

Copyright 2006, Joanne (JP) Stein. All rights reserved.
www.bestcoach4u.com, jp@bestcoach4u.com, jps_and_associates@yahoo.com 

Embarking on a new career

I worked with a client this week who wants to change careers. She’s been doing the same thing for over 30 years. She’s terrified to change careers and yet at the same time is looking forward to new opportunities. As somebody who went from being a teacher, to an assistant controller of a real estate company, to a trainer for new computer equipment, to a technical writer, to a director of training, to a Human Resources manager and finally to a success coach and business consultant, I knew exactly what she was experiencing.

What we do for a living can be intimately intertwined with who we are. Often, people expect to grow and thrive in one career over a period of decades. For others, however, that expectation is unrealistic. As they themselves change, they become dissatisfied with the profession that once brought them joy. This is not unusual in modern times, where more and more people are changing careers not just once, but many times over the course of their lives. Some of these changes are by choice and others are the result of layoffs and mergers.

Because your career is a part of who you are, switching to another can be a long and involved process that requires courage and determination. The challenges, which can include stepping into unfamiliar territory, going back to school, or learning to live on less income, are very real, but the rewards can trump them. Changing careers, if done thoughtfully, can be one of the most richly satisfying and exciting experiences of your life.

If for years your soul has been telling you that you would make a skilled lawyer, a talented sculptor, or a brilliant electrical engineer, it's worth investigating the possibilities. Alternatively, you may be desirous of a more soulful and fulfilling career but haven't figured out what it is yet. In either case, explore. If you have identified a passion, research it. Talk to people in that field and find out how they got there. Ask about the ups and the downs.

If you're unsure of a career path you might like to pursue, look toward your passions, abilities, hobbies, and values. Determine what your ideal work hours, income, commute time, and working situation would be. If you love the idea of flexible hours or working from home, decide whether you would be willing to earn less as a trade off. Look for careers that offer the type of work environment and benefits you are looking for.

Creating a new future takes time and effort, and a willingness to delve deep into the positives and negatives of a variety of careers.

Focus on your strengths, rathe