Prosperity is just a thought away. That sounds simple doesn't it. It would be great if, by saying some magical affirmation, rubbing a crystal, reading a spiritual or religious passage, or if money, in large denominations and in an unending amount, fell from the heavens. We just needed to stand there with a huge basket and collect all the money we wanted, whenever we wanted it.
I haven't been blogging for several months because I have been dealing with family and personal health challenges/"learning opportunities." I've been in contact with family members, state agencies, the phone company, social workers, caregivers, and numerous other people. I've been bounced from one person to another and had to wait on hold for what felt like eons but in reality was only minutes. The longer I had to wait the more impatient I became. That's when I had my "light bulb moment.
I love to go to my mailbox and get a "real" card. You know -- the old fashion kind that comes in a stamped envelope and has somebody's actual handwritten signature at the bottom, a card that wasn't sent by pressing the enter key on a computer.
I have a habit of saving cards that are especially meaningful for me. Some go into my desk and are filed away for safekeeping. When I need a morale boost or some confidence-building before I try a new task, I open the file and read those cards. Even though I've read them before, it's as if I'm reading them for the first time and they cheer me up.
I've also bought cards for myself, written messages on them as if they were written by a future client, spouse, or departed loved one. Inside each card I write what I'd love to hear that person say to me. Then I sign the card with their name, put it into a stamped, self-addressed envelope and give friends a few of these cards. They have no idea what's in them. Their only instruction is to mail one of the cards whenever they think I might need or want a little pick-me-up or just when the time feels right. I never know who gets which card.
The fun comes when the card appears in my mailbox. I open each one and my mind really "thinks" the card is from somebody other than me. I find the cards to be very touching and I save them in that same file in my desk drawer that contains other motivational messages and/or cards.
Some of the cards I get are placed on bookshelves in my office and they serve as visual reminders of positive things. I thought I'd share one that a friend sent to me after I landed a new client after not being able to work for almost a year as the result of an accident. Just the colorful images on the cover of the card make me smile.
If you want to be successful, all you have to do is to follow the concepts that were on that card.
CHOOSING your own PATH
OPENING UP to new POSSIBILITIES
NEVER SETTLING for less
GIVING of yourself
RISING to the CHALLENGE
AIMING for SUCCESS
Taking RISKS
Staying FOCUSED
So whose day can you brighten by sending a card or a handwritten note? No matter if it's a friend, family member or yourself, giving from your heart starts the "Law of Attraction" in motion and you'll feel great.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
The following equation really summarizes what needs to take place if you want to make any lasting changes in your life. It looks easy on paper but there's a lot of work that needs to take place behind the scenes. If you change any part of the equation, you change your life – either for the better or the worse.
Beliefs + Choices (Goals) + Actions + Determination + Persistence – doubts = your reality.
Let's take a look at some parts of the equation from the vantage point of an eagle.
1. Beliefs are the results of events or what we are taught as children. They are not true or false. They need to be looked at to see if they are getting you closer to the life you want or keeping it away from you. You might have been believe "you'll never amount to anything" because that's what your dad always said about you. If you examine that belief, you'll be able to determine if it's true now. You'll be able to list all your accomplishments and you'll be able to consciously let go of that negative belief that does nothing to improve the quality of your life.
2. We always have 2 choices – yes or no. We may have forgotten that fact but it's still true. Awareness (knowing something is possible) gives us the power to make new and better choices. No matter what we decide, we need to accept responsibility for our choices if we don't want to be a perpetual victim. If your mind says yes, check in with your gut to see if it agrees. Our intuition is located within our body, not our mind so when follow your feelings since they don't have an ego attachment to the results.
3. Change starts with the intention to do something differently. Nothing changes until some action is taken. I can set the intention that I'm going to lose 10 pounds but until I decrease my calorie intake and increase my expenditure of energy, the number on the bathroom scale isn't going to budge.
4. Determination (consistently focusing your attention and intention) to achieve or get something you really want. You must really want the change in every cell of your being. If you're not committed to the new result, you won't achieve it. If your spouse wants you to stop smoking but you don't want to quit, no amount of determination will turn you into a non-smoker. YOU have to want the result because it's of value to you.
5. Persistence means keep moving forward towards your objective no matter how long it takes to manifest, what other people say about your idea and it may mean taking baby steps until you're ready to sprint to the finish line. Don't give up because the answer to your prayer may be just minutes away from coming to you.
6. Doubts are the result of lack of trust in God, oneself or both. They can come from outside or inside influences. When launching a new idea, don't share it with people who will throw cold water on your red-hot idea. Find people who will cheer you on when your momentum is lagging a bit. If every inventor listened to and was influenced by any "doubting Thomas's", we wouldn't have made so much progress.
We've just covered the basics of the equation at a high level. To actually apply the equation to improve your life, you might consider hiring a professional success coach to help you look at any limiting beliefs that may be buried inside your brain. A coach would also make sure you take action and, because you want to get your money's worth from the coaching relationship, you'll get faster result working in partnership with a coach than you would on your own. Hiring a coach is your commitment to yourself that you really do want to change and that's the first step in having a happier, healthier and more successful life.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
The most valuable thing in the world is not an object, but an idea. Every object you see came from an idea. An object is finite, limited, and can come and go. However, a good idea contains within it the seeds of untold possibilities, including not just the idea at hand, but all the important ideas and products that may proceed as offshoots of the original one.
To believe in our ideas is to open the door to the infinite possibilities of our potential. To believe in our self is to pave the avenue of success for our ideas. Do not shoot your ideas down before you give them a chance. Yes, some or even many of them may not work out, but the ones that do bear fruit will make it all worth it.
The best way to have a good idea is to have many ideas. Gardeners plant many seeds and cull the best ones for further propagation. You must act as a gardener for your ideas, nurturing them all, removing the ones that are hot helpful, and giving all the nourishment you can to the good ones. Then one day you will look at your garden, bless God for the inspiration, and honor yourself for following through on your original vision.
Copyright 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.comn, www.jpstein.org, All rights reserved.
Is your in-basket about to tumble over? Do you have messages saved on your computer that are more than 1 year old and, if you actually need to find a specific one, you'd have to waste time plowing through dozens of messages until you located the one you wanted? What a waste of valuable time! In addition, do you have a problem keeping up with the "fresh" information that keeps pouring in, no less trying to tackle piles of old papers and emails that seem have multiplied since the last time you looked! In other words, do you feel like you have to tame the "data monster" before it buries you alive under a mountain of papers, binders, folders, note pads and other "referance" material that probably out of date?
I know your pain and I have a few suggestions that I've tired and they helped. My office was so litered with pieces of paper with ideas scribbled on them and I had every spare surface in my office covered with file folders, articles, magazines and other "mystery" items. Part of this is an occupational hazard associated with being a writer, coach and seminar leader. I had a general idea where I put things but knew the "data monster" could overwhelm me at any time. I seemed as if I needed to put on a hard hat before entering my office.
It felt like I was getting buried under piles of papers and both my in-and out-boxes on my computer were overflowing with messages that contained information about past events and completed projects. Why was I feeding the "data monster" by saving these things? I'd never use them again. Because of all the clutter, every time I went into my office, the feeling of dread rose to the surface and paralyzed me. I was so far behind in my filing that I thought it was useless even to start.
Recently I felt courageous and decided to tame my ever growing "data monster" after I heard the saying that "the only way to eat an elephant was one bite at a time." I realized that getting organized wasn't an all or nothing proposition. If I was consistant and spent 5 minutes a day organizing "something" in my office, I'd make headway. And I did!
Here are some of the things that helped me:
* I spent the time when I was on hold on the phone deleting old email messages and creating electronic folders for those messages I wanted to keep. I can now located need information more quickly.
* If I hadn't read a journal in a month, I threw it out. The likelyhood of my getting to old journals was slim to none since new materials constantly pour into my office.
* I spent 5 minutes each day tossing unnessary scribbled notes that were litering my desk. I often did this while waiting for a conference call to begin. I turned that "dead time" into something useful.
* I became more discerning about which e-zines I subscribed to and immediately unsubscribed from those that didn't provided me with anything more than a full inbox and more food for the "data monster." There's so much good information on the web that I could have easily spent hours a day just reading instead of actually doing anything.
* I established a "just in time" mentality. When I needed information I would quickly get it from the web and I gave myself permission to become only a "mini" expert on a topic. I didn't have to read everything that was every written on the subject. I just need to get the information I needed to immediately use.
* I use the delete key more often. If a friend sends me a joke or motivational message, I hit the delete button before reading the message and without guilt! If I read and responded to every joke that's sent to me, I'd start the day in overwhelm and that wouldn't get me off to a good start.
* "When in doubt, through it out" became my mantra.
I have to be deligent or my "data monster" will resurface. However, I know I can quickly tame it once again by focusing 5 minutes a day to getting organized. Phew! That's so much easier than believing I have to do it all at once.
I'd be interested to learn what helps you to stay organized. Just write a comment about this blog and your ideas will be shared with present and future readers who want to tame their own "data monsters."
Copyright 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.comn, www.jpstein.org, All rights reserved.
Happiness is not the result of favorable conditions. That’s backwards. Favorable conditions result from happiness. So what does it take to be happy? Nothing more than a willingness to be happy and to pay attention to what’s going well in your life.
Happiness comes from the way you respond to life. There are people who have every reason to be miserable, but who still live with happiness and joy. Everyone has challenges and everyone has disappointments. Yet they do not have to get you down. True happiness comes not from the absence of problems but in spite of the problems. Happiness is not a reaction, it is a choice.
For more than nine months, I have had a challenge using my right arm. Up until last week, I couldn’t raise it higher than my waist. Now I can raise it to shoulder level. There has not been one minute of one day that I haven’t been in pain.
I haven’t let that stop me. I’ve felt the pain, limited my activities when necessary, done things that gave me joy and looked for the gift in the situation with my arm. The biggest gift is that I learned to put myself first in the equation of life rather than at the bottom of the list. I’ve also learned that strangers can be very kind, friends can give of themselves and their time and that I’m worthy of receiving. By paying attention, I realized that I don’t have to do anything, I just have to be the best me I can be and my world is a happier place. I’ve also learned to listen to my intuition and to pay attention to my body. I no longer force it to do anything that it doesn’t feel capable of doing. I ask for help instead.
When you look at the world through the fog of your own worries, your anger, your frustration and impatience, many valuable things will just pass you by, completely unnoticed.
Imagine driving through town while someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you going to notice the new flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your focus will be on that gun.
Are you holding a gun to your own head, by constantly focusing on what’s wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed with your own problems that you don’t see the opportunities all around you?
Your attention can be effectively focused on only one thing at a time. Sure you have problems and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is the value of agonizing over them?
Pay attention to what’s good about your life. Rather than worrying about what you don’t have, seek to make the best of all the good things you do have. There are a lot of things right with your life. Give your attention to them and they will grow.
© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com
Have you ever had a disagreement with a family member, friend, co-worker or complete stranger and gotten frustrated because the other person just didn’t “get” what you were trying to say? I know I sure have. I’ve found that certain words shut down communication while others are keys to open communication.
Here are some words that shut down communication.
You’re wrong…
I never said that…
You should…
You must…
You always…
Can’t you…
Shut up…
When you start sentences with these words it’s as if you’re holding up a big red stop light because all positive communication stops and a game of “he said, she said” starts and never really ends. One party is trying to prove they are “right” which means they have to make the other party “wrong” and nobody really likes to be wrong. It’s as if you start the conversation with a closed mind and nothing the other person can say is going to change your mind. Neither party is really satisfied with the results and has to find a way to release the anger that is generated by closed communication. That can take the form of physical or emotional abuse, illness, depression, or addictions to name just a few.
On the other hand, if you want to really have close relationships and to feel good about yourself and others, you might consider using open phrases similar to the ones below. They are statements about how you feel or what you want. Nobody can tell you that you don’t want or need something because they are not you. They have not had your life experiences nor seen an event from the exact same point of reference as you did. Both of you filter your interpretation of an event through your own frames of reference.
Sentences that start with “I” or “Would” give the green light to continuing the conversation. You are just giving or asking for information. This takes the emotion out of the statement and allows the other party to stay neutral rather than to jump into a defensive mode. These opening phrases enable you to say exactly what is real for you.
I’ve noticed…
Is it OK with you…
Are you willing…
I have a need to…
I want…
I need…
I’d appreciate…
I’d prefer…
Would you please…
I’m curious…
Would you consider…
Choose your words carefully because they will either bring you closer to another or push them away. If you notice you used a “red light” word and didn’t mean to, an “I’m sorry” goes a very long way.
© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS and Associates. www.bestcoach4u.com, All rights reserved.
Do you know any person who is perfectly right all the time? The fact is no one is ever completely right or completely wrong all the time. I’m certainly not. You are not. The people in your life are not.
It helps to keep this in mind as we relate to one another. We all make mistakes. We all have brilliant moments of insight. And normally, we all fall somewhere in between those two extremes.
“Walk a mile is somebody else’s shoes” before you judge or criticize them. Our life circumstances and our reactions to those situations create our character, our viewpoint about life and our coping skills.
No two people have had the exact same experiences or the exact same reactions to a situation. We each do the best we can to get the love and support we want and to maintain the “illusions” about ourselves that we think define who we are . As my aunt who is in her 80s has been going through the “healing process” associated with her broken leg, she’s told people not to come and visit her. She wants to be alone.
I heard this and it made me uncomfortable since it’s the opposite of how I react to stressful situations. I want people around me when I don’t feel well. I want immediate love, support and soothing words. I tried to put myself in my aunt’s shoes (or shoe as the case may be) and, from her perspective, she wants to be alone as she doesn’t want to admit that she’s not in control of the situation. She doesn’t want to admit to herself that she’s human just like the rest of us. That’s her self-image and she wants to hold on to it, no matter what the cost.
I don’t have a right to change her since her viewpoint is no more right than mine is. Her coping mechanisms are as perfect for her as mine are for me. All I can do is to see beneath the surface and see my aunt’s core. She’s a point of divine love, just as I am. Granted that I wish she’d reveal that more often but it’s there none the same. When I focus only our differing personality traits, we walk in different directions. When I allow the love within my soul to merge with the love within her soul, we can walk together on common ground. For me, that’s the path I choose to follow. My aunt has to choose her own path and I have to allow her to do so, even if it takes her to places that I don’t want to go.
A powerful strategy for effective communication is to first understand the other person. You must go beyond superficial judgments to find something of value with which you can identify and relate. You’ll never completely agree on everything, yet you can almost always find useful and valuable common ground.
Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com, jp@bestcoach4u.com
I joined a Success Coaching Circle this week because I believe so much in the value of coaching. The group I joined is helping me to create bold goals (even if I don’t know how they will come about), to focus on a niche market and to do something every week that will lead me in the direction of my goals. This is exactly what I do with my clients and I know it works. Just the fact that my peers are holding me accountable for my actions is a big motivator. It keeps me from being complacent and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Besides it keeps me in touch with what my clients experience when working with me.
I’ve been on one teleconference this week, listened to several podcasts, defined my bold goals and clarified my niche market. I’ve also created a new tag line – “Solutions for hiring, retaining and creating star performers.” Not bad for less than 72 hours!
My membership in this coaching group keeps me focused on the fact that each day you do something (no matter how small, boring or tedious) to achieve a goal, you're taking a step on the pathway leading to accomplishment and success. Take at least one positive step on a daily basis and make sure your thoughts, feelings and beliefs are focused on achieving your goal and you'll be successful. Celebrate your successes along the way especially if you're aiming towards a long range goal. I’ve become my own best cheerleader and talk to myself – Way to go! I’m proud of you! I’ve also learned to be gentle with myself if I misstep and temporarily leave the path. I just redirect my attention and my energies towards my goals. Success is more an attitude than a single achievement.
Success is often tedious. When we see success in others, it looks exciting and fun. We see someone who is successful in business living in a magnificent house, driving a shiny new car and taking exotic vacations. We see a successful athlete being cheered by the crowd after a winning performance on the playing field. We usually see only the results of success in others.
What we often fail to see and appreciate is how they got there. The person with a successful business has spent many long, boring hours, working late into the night on tasks that no one would consider fun or exciting. The winning athlete has spent day after day on the practice field and in the weight room, laboriously training mind and body.
Those who understand, appreciate and accept that the road to achievement can often be tiresome, those who are willing to do whatever it takes, no matter if it is often tedious and boring, are the ones who will get the reward they seek.
Copyright © 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
It is easy to say that problems can be turned into opportunities. But how do you really make that happen? When a problem first appears, it never does seem like an opportunity. It usually is intimidating and overwhelming.
So what turns a problem into an opportunity? Action. The quickest way to transform a problem into an opportunity is to do something about it. Take action. Go to work on the problem, and the opportunity will begin to reveal itself.
Worrying and complaining will only make the problem worse. Action is what will improve the situation. Think back to all the challenges youâve faced in the past, and to how your action changed them from feeling negative to positive.
As I'm writing this, I have a shoulder âlearning opportunityâ thatâs taking the form of pain which limits my ability to do some very basic things. This situation has been going on for more than 6 months. Every day I have 2 choices: worry or do something positive. Today I chose to write my blog share what I've learned with others who may be going through a physical, emotional or financial challenge now or who go will through or in the future.
Because of what Iâve experienced for more than half of a year, I am better prepared to turn challenges into opportunities for growth. I now have an âemergency preparedness kitâ that Iâve created to assist me in turning a problem into an opportunity. When faced with a new challenge, I always remember to use my "emergency preparedness kit" â they're things to do to help you when you have a problem, no matter what size the problem is.
Breathe. Focused breathing relieves stress and keeps you focused in the moment.
Shed as many tears as you need to. Feel and express all the emotions that come up and do it for as long as you feel it's necessary. Don't listen to people who tell you to stop crying if you still feel you have some tears left to shed. They want you to stop so they'll feel better so they won't have to feel their own feelings.
Do research to find out all you can about the situation: The more information you have the better able you will be to make wise decisions.
Ask for help. If there are specific things that will help you to resolve a problem, ask for help. You increase the odds that you'll get what you need if people are aware of what they can do for you.
Keep focused. That may mean replacing fearful thoughts with affirmations, cleaning windows, doing a puzzle, or engaging in a hobby. The more you can turn your energy away from obsessive worry, the better you'll be able to handle the situation.
Take care of yourself. Take your vitamins, eat healthy foods, get some exercise, be around nature or beauty and relax. You need all your energy at this time and "running on empty" will only cause problems for you in the future. This may also mean asking for professional help from your doctor, clergyman or a mental health professional if you feel yourself becoming depressed or feeling hopeless about the situation.
Develop a plan. Think through the options you're facing and create an action plan for each option. That way you'll be prepared and the problems won't seem so overwhelming.
Learn from the experience. This is a time to learn more about yourself and those around you. It's a time to see that no one benefits if you hold on to old hurts or grudges. It's a time to forgive and to express your truth in the moment and to focus on facts rather than on judgment or blame. What you learn and do now will help you in the immediate situation and prepare the groundwork for improved relationships in the future.
Pray. Turn the situation over to a Higher Power and trust that HE has an even more detailed plan for your ultimate happiness. HE sees the big picture while you only see one small piece of it. Besides, HE can work miracles!
By using the tools in this "emergency preparedness kit", you'll be better equipped to handle any problems that you may experience on life's journey.
Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved
If I went to a gym and attempted to bench press 300 pounds, I could not do it. Just getting me to step foot into a gym would be a Herculean effort. Yet there are many people who can bench press 300 pounds or more. They are able to do this because they have, through weight training and a “can do attitude”, developed the necessary muscle strength to lift that much weight as well as they confidence to actually do it. The only way to develop the muscle strength for lifting heavy weights, is to set the intention to do so and then start lifting lighter weights, and steadily work up to the desired weight.
The same concept applies to any kind of worthwhile accomplishment. You cannot expect to achieve a big success without first building your own muscles of success. Repeatedly lifting lighter weights will give you the strength to lift heavier weights. Similarly, every challenge you overcome gives you the strength to take on bigger challenges. Before you can be a doctor or lawyer, you must pass tests. Before you can be a certified technician, you must demonstrate your ability to do given tasks. Before you can be a sales person, you must be comfortable talking to people. All the preliminary training of your mental and physical muscles are necessary to prepare you for success. Sorry to burst your bubble but there is no easier way to reach your goals – no fairy dust, magic lamp or magic wand. It’s all up to YOU.
How strong are your muscles of success? Do you train and develop them every day by your willingness to take on tasks that truly challenge you? The strength needed for success in any endeavor is developed by repeatedly and effectively overcoming obstacles. Take on the challenges, and see how much stronger they make you.
Usually when we are told to exercise, we’re told to “go outside or go to the gym and get some exercise.” I want to suggest that today you go within and exercise your mind. Thoughts precede action. Begin to see and to think about yourself as a success; let go of old and overused negative images about yourself and hold on to the concept that you have skills and abilities to be a success. Start small; just observe how many times during an hour you say negative things about yourself either aloud or in you mind. Then as you get stronger as an observer, increase the intensity of your mental workout by replacing each negative thought with something positive. The stronger your “mental muscle”, the more success you’ll experience.
© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
It’s in the low 40s at 8:00 in the morning and I’m bundled up in sweat clothes and eating my warm oatmeal as I type this blog entry.
I love the cool weather since here in Arizona we has so little of it. It feels great to put on a sweater, eat warming foods, gather around a fireplace and being able to be outside during the afternoon without fear of dissolving into a puddle of sweat. It’s also nice to be able to touch the steering wheel in my car without risking 3rd degree burns and to be able to keep things in the car without fear that they will melt into some unrecognizable form.
It rained yesterday and that was delightful – the sound of the rain on the roof and seeing thirsty vegetation drinking in as much moisture as possible, knowing that it may be a long time between showers since Arizona averages over 300 days of sunlight, some of which is blazing hot. Smelling fresh air and seeing the art show put on by the clouds were also a treat.
I’m savoring every moment, Instead of complaining about the rain or the chilly temperatures, I’m saying prayers of gratitude. Mother Nature is in charge of the weather and she’s more powerful than I am. It would be foolish to try to change the weather and frustrating beyond words. So, I just surrender to whatever is happening outside, knowing it won’t last forever and finding what makes each season special. How boring life would be with weather changes. I experience inner joy when I let go of any tendencies to want to make things different and when I stop myself from complaining about the weather or anything else for that matter.
Being fully present in the moment, makes life so much richer. It adds texture, smells, feelings and beauty to my life. The key for me is to remember there are many things in my life, much like the weather, that are out of my control. That doesn’t mean my life is “worse” or “better” than anyone else’s. It's all about my attitude. I choose to experience all aspects of my life as they occur and expecting to find the sliver lining in the clouds. I appreciate the greatness of every season, experience and person I encounter. It feels so much better than regretting the past or worrying about the future.
I can’t change the weather but I can prepare for it and enjoy life moment to moment to moment in whatever form it takes in my life. As I've said in other blogs, happiness is an inside job.
© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately – probably because the pain in my arm is still limiting my mobility a bit. I’m so proud of myself when I accomplish a simple task such as washing my hair or putting on just about any piece of clothing. I know I’ll never take the use of my arms for granted.
I’m actually glad my arm is keeping me home and quiet rather than rushing around and feeling that I’ll never be able to get everything checked off my “To Do List”. I’ve had the luxury of time to go within my soul to find my authentic self and to notice how I behave in various situations. I’ve been asking myself one of Dr. Phil McGraw’s questions, “How’s that working for you?”
Some things are working great. I’m listening to my body more. If it’s tired I rest rather than override the need for my arm to be still. I ask for help more often and actually gratefully receive it and I am now recovering “people pleaser.”
What I noticed is that people always wanted to talk or to do something with me when they needed something whether it was an ear to listen to their problems, a coach to help them with a business or relationship problem or a body to go someplace with them because they didn’t want to go alone. I noticed that when I chose no longer to constantly give to other, often at my own expense, those friendships slipped away. And, guess what? I am actually happier. The energy I was investing in them, I now could invest in myself. I’m also learning to value and appreciate myself more. I don’t have to be a “people pleaser” to have friends because those relationships were so one-sided. I now prefer to be by myself rather than listening to people complain about things – sometimes for years – and never doing anything to improve the situation.
I’ve finally matured enough that I can say “no” without feeling guilty. I realized that the person who wanted me to do something would find somebody else to please them. I also realized that that same person often thought nothing of saying “no” to me when I asked for help or a favor or just an open heart who’d listened without judgment.
Giving and receiving are the flip side of the same coin. If I find that I’m either always giving or always receiving, the relationship isn’t healthy. “It’s not working for me.” Then I get to decide what I want to do next. If somebody is going to be uncomfortable, no longer will it always be me.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
Happy birthday! As the saying goes, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" so it’s a day for celebration. You are born anew today. The past is over and the future is yet to come. There is only now.
Your new life starts today. You’ve been put in charge of it. You’ve been given complete control. It is fresh and new, waiting to be broken in. How it turns out is now up to you. Your choices and beliefs create your reality.
Today you have a blank slate. There are no limitations on how you can use this day. And don’t worry, you can’t make a mistake because if you don’t like today you’ll have another “birthday” tomorrow when you can make different choices, if you so desire. No choice is better than another is; it’s just different and leads to different experiences. Experiences are neutral; it’s our judgmental mind that determines if a choice is good or bad. Remember, “looks can be deceiving.” Some of my best days would look horrific from an outsider’s perspective but they were fantastic for me. For example, when I was finally able to feed myself with a minimum of pain after having injured my arm months earlier and been more or less limited to drinking my meals. This was a triumphant day for me but somebody else might have experienced it as a horrible day because they felt pain.
The clock is running now. Your day has already begun. Though it seems today that you have plenty of time, the minutes will pass quickly, so take care not to squander them. Yes, there’s plenty of time, but not enough to waste.
This is your life. It’s not a test or a trial run. It’s the real thing, and it is here. It is a magnificent opportunity, and one which will not wait. This is your birthday. See it. Imagine it. Live it. Enjoy it. Make it great.
What do you want to do differently? Do you want to change the way you respond when you're angry, frustrated, disappointed or upset? Do you want to find more things for which you're grateful? Do you want to find more time to spend curled up with a good book or having heart-to- heart conversations with the important people in your life? Do you want to go back to school or change careers or plant a garden? Decide what you want to accomplish and then "just do it." Take the first step towards reaching the outcome you desire.
Each choice you make determines how you experience today, tomorrow and the future. Expect it to be a wonderful life filled with innumerable days and countless awe-inspiring people, places and events. Act according to that belief and, 365 days later when you reflect back on the year, that's just what you will have experienced. The quality of your life depends upon your choices from moment to moment to moment. Happy birthday dear soul. What do you want to do now?
© 2007 Joanne P. Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
I had a coaching session with a client this morning and I asked, “How can your life be full if you feel your thoughts and actions are empty?” I reminded the client that the effort and essence that you put into each day, determines what you get out of the day.
Clever shortcuts which promise reward without effort, will only bring the empty facade of success. To experience the genuine joy of being alive, you must live life with all the grainy details.
The things you think you want are mere symbols of your true desires. Thoughts and words, and the things they address, can only point the way. Fulfillment comes in the experience, for which there is no substitute.
Meaning is found not in the rewards, for they are only tokens. Seek not to have the gold medal. Instead, seek to be the person who can win the gold medal. It is in the quest that you’ll find the fulfillment which the reward represents.
In other words, fulfillment is about seeking personal satisfaction in the experience rather than in the outcome. Those words really applied to me this week,
Let me give you a personal example. Earlier in the week, I sent an email to a friend who is an intuitive just as I am. I wanted confirmation that even though things on the surface didn’t look like they were going great, I really was living a fulfilling life, Here’s a part of the message:
“Last week three things (that I was interested in doing to be of service and to generate income) fell through. Friends that I’ve talked to about this can’t understand it either...seems like I’m doing the right things and in the right arenas, but the timing hasn’t been right. I get a lot of very positive feedback about the blog postings that I write as well as for the counseling/motivating that I do for clients as well as strangers. I love to help to empower people to make more conscious choices about how they want to live. I love to talk about spiritual concepts and I love to learn. I’m doing these things all the time and I’m basically happy with my life...just want more friends and my soul mate to share it with and more money so that I can go more places and do more things.”
As I was typing the email, I realized that I was actually answering my own question because I realized that my life is already full. I do what I enjoy doing. I “walk my talk” and everywhere I go I bring “light” into the situation. I’m very grateful for the quality of my life and for all the things I’ve learned by just fully participating in my own life rather than being a spectator on the sidelines. When I get a lot more money or find the man of my dreams, my life won’t improve that much because it’s already very good. It would just be like putting icing on a cake. No matter how tasty the frosting, without the cake there would be nothing to support the icing!
For me, having a fulfilling life depends upon my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs and my sense of gratitude. I could have all the worldly wealth and pleasure and without a sense of appreciation, a feeling of worthiness and a connection to a life purpose that’s larger than myself, I still wouldn’t feel fulfilled. I trust that everything that I experience ultimately contributes to my success and that I am the only one who can truly measure and appreciate my success since I’m the only one who truly knows what actions and decisions brought me to this moment in my life. I am very blessed because I like where my life is headed!
© 2007, JPS and Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
I spend a lot of time talking with people, emailing people and just observing people. I've noticed that many of us are traveling parallel paths dealing with transitions in our lives and many of us are using our might to keep natural evolution from happening while others are holding fast to the knowledge that everything happens in according to divine timing. I’m in the second group.
Sometimes I wish the process of change/transition/growth was faster but that's just the impatient, scared kid in me responding out of fear. The adult in me knows that there is no time table for anything and that everything will lead me to where I need to go…or, more accurately, where I need to be. I'm really learning to "just be" fully in all the experiences in my life even when the scared little kid wants to run and hide behind a strong adult.
I'm learning that I have to be the strong adult for my little kid and, that each time I take care of myself, my adult gains confidence and my inner kid calms down. I also am learning that there is a gift in all situations; I just have to be willing to look beyond the packaging. Sometimes it's a gift that I have to give someone else, and sometimes it's a gift that somebody has to give me, since giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. But part of the gift is that I become more courageous.
For all intents and purposes, I'm currently under-unemployed (although I'm actively working on laying all the groundwork for my growing coaching business, writing a book and working on my own self-development), that means I have plenty of time to use my gifts to improve the quality of somebody else’s life and I have the opportunity to acknowledge and give gratitude for all the gifts I regularly receive right. Because of my flexible work schedule, I have the freedom to notice all the gifts and synchronicitic events that take place.
I'm open to all the opportunities that God has in store for me and I KNOW all will be revealed to me when I have done the preparatory work. I have to learn to crawl before I can walk and I have to walk before I can run. This applies to whatever change is going on personally, professionally, physically or emotionally.
But, I must admit, that when an unexpected new “learning opportunity” (challenge) crosses my path which is already littered with growth opportunities, part of me still wants to run and hide behind the nearest adult. When I feel scared, I acknowledge that part of me and then follow my gut reactions and take some positive action and that’s when I start “positive self-talk.” I tell myself:
“You already have what it takes to be anything you want to be, to have anything you want to have, to live the way you want to live. The ability to create the life you desire, is already yours.
Your job is to find that ability, make use of your potential, and take the actions that will lead to the achievement you desire.
It is foolish to wish that you could get something for nothing, foolish, and quite unnecessary. Because you already have everything you could possibly want, if you will just find it and make use of it.
You won’t get something for nothing, and you don’t need it anyway. Look inside yourself. Find the value that is already there, and make the most of it. Whatever you truly desire, you already have the ability to acquire. It’s up to you to make it happen.”
Divine timing means taking one-step at a time in the direction of the outcome we want. If we don’t take action, we’ll never reach our goals no matter how noble they may be.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com
The “secret” Law of Attraction is all the rage today. People look at it as a way to manifest what they want in their lives. The process does work as long as your beliefs are in harmony with what you want to manifest. What people who first learn about the Law of Attraction sometimes forget is it’s our thoughts and feelings that attract things to us. The universe always answers “Yes” to our feelings. If I constantly complain about how much weight I have to lose, the universe will answer “Yes” and I will continue to hold onto those unwanted pounds. The body would just be following my “orders”. If, on the other hand, I talk about all the things I have to be grateful for and that feeling of gratitude pours forth from my heart, the universe will answer “Yes” but this time it will give me more things to appreciated. It’s my positive emotion that will attract the positive experiences into my life.
The key to having more of what you want in your life is to focus on your thoughts, feelings and actions. Make sure your thoughts and feelings match the results you want. If you want positive results, you have to feel, act and talk positively. If you want more things to worry about, focus on limitation, lack, illness or any other negative.
Add joy to life and you’ll experience more joy. What can you do today to add joy to your own life, to the lives of others, or to the world at large? Can you smile at a stranger, let somebody in front of you in the grocery store line if they only have a few items an you have a huge basket of groceries or compliment a family member on how well they did something. If your are expressing joy, you can’t also be angry because you can only focus on one emotion at a time and you get to choose which emotion that’s going to be.
To the extent that you add true, unencumbered joy to your own life, you more fully become the unique and valuable person that you are. And the joy that you add to the lives of others, comes back to you over and over again.
What makes you tingle with pure delight? What can you do right now to experience that joy? How can you spread it to others? Find a way, and you’ve tapped a powerful force that will bring abundant rewards.
Living with joy honors and affirms the priceless value of life. Celebrate and make the most of each moment by living and giving joy and you will truly know the secret to living a happier life.
© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS& Associates. All rights reserved.
Have you ever wondered why you get frustrated? Of course, there are many different situations which lead to frustration.
But why frustration? Why do we get frustrated? Why do we even have that emotion in our repertoire? It is certainly not pleasant. So what is the point of frustration?
Frustration focuses us. No matter what triggers the frustration, the purpose for frustration to stimulate positive action. If we had no capacity for frustration, we would have to constantly endure those negative factors. But frustration gives us a way out.
Frustration comes when the reality of life does not match our vision.
There are, basically, two ways to end frustration—either by giving up the vision or by making it a reality. Giving up is only a short term solution, because our true vision does not easily give up.
In your frustration, you can see your vision. And in your frustration, is the energy to attain that vision. Feel the frustration. Be thankful for it. Learn what it can teach you about yourself. And let it spur you into positive, life-changing action.
Sand irritating an oyster is what creates a pearl. Frustration with the way something is done is what causes new inventions. Dissatisfaction with the number that appears on a scale is what causes people to make healthy life style changes. As the saying goes, "no pain, no gain."
Think of irritation, frustration and disappointment as traffic signals for your life. Those emotions are telling you to "stop, look and listen" to what's going on in your life and to evaluate where you want to go from here. What direction do you want this job, relationship or situation to take? Feelings of irritation, frustration and disappointment cause us to think "there must be a better way." They move us along on our life's journey.
Next time you feel frustrated, identify what other emotions or beliefs are associated with the frustration. You may hear words like: "I'm so stupid", "you'll never amount to anything", "everything has to be perfect", or "nothing I ever do is good enough." This process will give you a good roadmap about what's going on in your inner world.
You'll identify your challenges (some of which you might have carried with you from your childhood) and you'll have more information to help you decide what you want to do next. Are you using the frustration to motivate you to make changes that will bring you a goal you want or are you using it to stay stuck in a negative situation or to hold on to negative beliefs about yourself? Decide what changes you need to make either in your environment or your reaction to your environment and do something to improve the situation. No one but you sits in the driver's seat for your life. Where do you want to go from here?
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. Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein All rights reserved
Raise your expectations about what you can accomplish. That's what champion athletes do. They continually expect more and more from themselves and they put in all the time and effort to achieve each new goal. A pole vaulter or a high jumper will raise the bar for the next attempt, even if his last jump resulted in an all-time best performance of even a new world's record. An ice skater who masters a triple jump will try to increase the number of them that she does in her next program or she might even begin working on a quadruple jump. A runner will try to run faster, a golfer will try to decrease his score and a tennis player will try to increase the speed and accuracy of her shots.
Athletes don't settle for less than their personal best and neither should you. Decide what you want to accomplish with your life. Do you want to be a world-class parent, artist, business person or human being? Get a clear picture of what success will look like for you. See it in vivid detail and really feel how your life will be different when you achieve your goal. If it's a goal worth having it's a goal worth working towards.
Get a piece of paper and list all the things that will need to take place for you to achieve your goal, no detail is too small to be listed nor too impossible to try to achieve. Then develop an action plan or a timeline that lists when you'll achieve each item on your list. Set realistic goals for yourself. If you miss a deadline, just readjust your plan rather than throwing it out. Success comes as much from doing each step in the process as it does from achieving the outcome. That's because once you've achieved a goal, it's time to raise the bar again.
It is all too easy to accept the limits placed on you by other people or by random circumstances. Easy, yes, but where does that get you? Do you want your vision to be eroded by the small-mindedness of those around you? What is your purpose, anyway—to just get along, or to make a real difference?
Respect the opinions of others, to be sure. There is much you can learn from them. Let them challenge you, support you and push you forward. Don’t let them limit you. You are your own person. Only you know what you are capable of achieving. No one else has the ability to limit that, unless you let them. Sure, the negative comments and criticism can sting. Yet you must learn from them and move forward.
You are truly blessed with a magnificent, powerful, unique life. There are so many places you can go, so many wonderful things you can do. In all of history, there has never been anyone who can equal you. Keep your vision strong. Set your own limits. Set your own standards, and set them high. This is your life we’re talking about. It’s worth every effort you can give to it.
Life is about constantly trying to achieve your personal best. Once you've achieved it in one area of your life, you might want to focus on another. If you're a great business person, you might want to become a great artist or a terrific parent. If you're a world class scientist, maybe you also want to be a stellar spouse or a community leader. There's no limit to what you can achieve if you're willing to keep your vision strong and if you're willing to explore new possibilities.
