Prosperity is just a thought away. That sounds simple doesn't it. It would be great if, by saying some magical affirmation, rubbing a crystal, reading a spiritual or religious passage, or if money, in large denominations and in an unending amount, fell from the heavens. We just needed to stand there with a huge basket and collect all the money we wanted, whenever we wanted it.
I haven't been blogging for several months because I have been dealing with family and personal health challenges/"learning opportunities." I've been in contact with family members, state agencies, the phone company, social workers, caregivers, and numerous other people. I've been bounced from one person to another and had to wait on hold for what felt like eons but in reality was only minutes. The longer I had to wait the more impatient I became. That's when I had my "light bulb moment.
It seems as though you can't pick up a newspaper, watch TV or listen to the news without some mention of Paris Hilton?
I have a good friend who's an outstanding numerologist and she says Paris' situation is all in her numbers.
As a "stress buster", I find numerology a very good way to get a new client a "preview of possible coming attractions." The more they know about them self, the better the choices they can make. I like to use numerology in conjunction with style and values assessments to help a client focus on what actions they need to take if they want to have less stress and more joy in their life. Together we develop an action plan and I keep them accountable for achieving thier goals.,
Nan and I have work with clients in tandem. Nan provides the potential master plan for an individual and I help the person to experience the power of taking positive action. Put another way, Nan provides the yarn and I teach people how to use it to create a sweater. The results are awesome!
Below is Nan Fortune's explanation of what's up with Paris Hilton. It's a way to showcase Nan's talents and to show how our choices create our life. It also shows that Paris has the potential to change the direction of her life. In addition, it's a reminder that I'm here to be of service when you are ready to take action and make positive improvements in your life.
I'm back... I haven't been near my computer for months, except to check emails so I haven't been posting blog entries. I've been in what I describe as "swirling mode" -- I'm still jettisoning lots of "stuff" (beliefs, feelings, goals) through the centrifugal force caused by spinning. It's feels like I am experiencing a "Spring cleaning" for the soul after what seems like a very "dark and stormy night of the soul". I'm still swirling but the velocity and intensity has lessen greatly; probably because I embraced the process instead of trying to run away from it. I'm giving myself permission to let the process continue as long as necessary to rid myself of any negativity from the past so that it doesn't come with me into the present or the future.
Lot's of things have been taking place at once: my mother had emergency hip surgery and my sister and I have to find a place for her to live since she may not be able to return home, my downstairs neighbor died, my next door neighbor had a concussion and severe asthma attacks so I helped with her kids, and I took a nasty tumble injuring my "good arm" as well as re-injuring my other arm. The list could go on but I think you get the point. Lots of "yucky stuff" going on in my life at the same time. During all of this, friends really showed up to help me. They brought food, did errands, gifted me with money and had meals delivered to my apartment. I was and still am very grateful. Because my basic needs were provided for, I was able to help others. I gave words of encouragement, shared ideas, listened with an open heart and did whatever else I could to "do unto others as was done unto me." No matter what was going on, I looked for the gift in the situation and there were many. It really did feel as good to give as it did to receive!
Below is one of my surprise gifts. It's a word-for-word copy of an email that was sent to me by Jeannette M. Jackson with the intention of providing me with encouragement. I've never meet this woman and she sent this to me in response to an email of encouragement I sent her when I learned of all the challenges she'd experienced. I was so touched by her generosity of spirit that I decided, with her permission, to share her true experience with others. It's theme is to see the gifts in everything. Even if it is what we humans would perceive as initially a "bad thing."
This little roller coaster started a couple of weeks ago. I actually had a day off and pulled into the parking lot of the Target on Camelback and 11th Avenue. I initially thought I was going to go and buy some plants at their garden center and enjoy some gardening on my day off. I was sitting there waiting to turn into the parking lot...traffic is really bad there because of the light rail construction. Then I looked to my left and off to the side of the road was this beautiful cat lying there motionless. Something kept sparkling around its neck. My soul felt heavy. I knew it must be someones beloved pet, or they would not have put such a sparkly collar on it. So I went into the garden center and asked the clerk if she had a box I could have. She said she could box up any plants when I got to the check-out stand. I then told her it was for the cat. I told her that it looked like the cat had been recently hit and I was going to go and see if it had an I.D. charm, so I could call the owner. She quickly gave me a box and some plastic bags. I just know that if something happened to one of my cats and they got out of the house, I would want someone to make an effort to call me. Well I got to the cat and gently turned the collar around and around and no I.D. The something shining was little gold bell. So I knew this cat must have liked to sneak out, or they would not have put a bell on him. I have a boy cat that looks a lot like the cat that got hit...just younger and smaller. He was named St. Christopher, because he likes to sneak out all of the time and St. Christopher is the Saint for the travelers. My neighbors named him. I knew the cat that had been hit was a boy, because he had not been fixed. I gently picked up his body and put him in the box. Then I called the non-emergency police number, because I did not know where to take him to get him scanned to see if he had a micro chip. The officer said to call the Humane Society and they would send someone to pick him up. I told her I could not leave him in the street and that I would take him to the Humane Society. I called them and they gave me their location. I found myself talking to the cat and praying that his owners would have a healing from him transitioning. I told him that is was OK to go back to God. That his job was done here and that his owners are thankful for the love that he brought into their lives. Anyone would have thought I was crazy talking to a dead cat! I went to the Humane Society and they scanned his still warm body. No microchip. I then asked her if she would write down a really good description of him including his black collar with shiny gold bell. She said she would and they would keep the description on file for three days (just in case someone called looking for him). She said it was rare that anyone would pick up the cat and that normally people call and have them pick up the animals off of the road. She said that his little head was hit really hard and probably did not suffer for very long. I wondered if the person that hit him knew that they had hit him. She said they probably thought it was a rock, because of all of the construction. I know that God brought that little guy with the golden bell to me to prepare me to help my neighbors and friends these last couple of weeks. My heart was so heavy after I left the cat. I cried all the way home. I thought my friends and family would think that I crazy for crying and feeling such sorrow over a cat that was not even mine. Then I realized who cares what anyone would think about me. I don't think I have ever been understood since the age of 10. It just does not matter. What does matter is that day that cat was an affirmation for everything that I believe in...it just took a reminder to prepare me for the future. Because of that cat I have been rock for those that have needed me lately. It was an affirmation to always honor and respect all living and dead beings. To treat everything with love and kindness, because there really is no death. I told my mother about what had happened. She did not laugh at me, or make fun of me. She said that I should share the golden bell story with people who might need to hear the bell ring themselves. So you are the second person I am sharing it with. It would not surprise me if that cat's little gold bell rang all the way to heaven! Anyway, these last few days strength, faith and a thankful heart have helped me help my friends and loved ones. When anyone gets really down or is tired, for some reason I have known just the right thing to say. Even when I kept going back forth to the hospital to see friends and family members, I knew exactly what to bring to make each person feel more loved and comfortable. I would get there and they would say...wow Jeanette how did you know that I needed that right now. Daisy the mother to Nate who was in the hospital kept saying "you have such a heart of gold". Maybe that is my little gold bell and maybe that will help the angels find me when it is time to go back home. Bottom line-- we all have a heart of gold. Each of us has challenges and even though we do the challenges can never be too great to find love to share with someone else. So "when you hear a bell an angel gets their wings really is an understatement." Maybe when we hear a bell...it means for us to open our hearts of love to everyone.
I love to go to my mailbox and get a "real" card. You know -- the old fashion kind that comes in a stamped envelope and has somebody's actual handwritten signature at the bottom, a card that wasn't sent by pressing the enter key on a computer.
I have a habit of saving cards that are especially meaningful for me. Some go into my desk and are filed away for safekeeping. When I need a morale boost or some confidence-building before I try a new task, I open the file and read those cards. Even though I've read them before, it's as if I'm reading them for the first time and they cheer me up.
I've also bought cards for myself, written messages on them as if they were written by a future client, spouse, or departed loved one. Inside each card I write what I'd love to hear that person say to me. Then I sign the card with their name, put it into a stamped, self-addressed envelope and give friends a few of these cards. They have no idea what's in them. Their only instruction is to mail one of the cards whenever they think I might need or want a little pick-me-up or just when the time feels right. I never know who gets which card.
The fun comes when the card appears in my mailbox. I open each one and my mind really "thinks" the card is from somebody other than me. I find the cards to be very touching and I save them in that same file in my desk drawer that contains other motivational messages and/or cards.
Some of the cards I get are placed on bookshelves in my office and they serve as visual reminders of positive things. I thought I'd share one that a friend sent to me after I landed a new client after not being able to work for almost a year as the result of an accident. Just the colorful images on the cover of the card make me smile.
If you want to be successful, all you have to do is to follow the concepts that were on that card.
CHOOSING your own PATH
OPENING UP to new POSSIBILITIES
NEVER SETTLING for less
GIVING of yourself
RISING to the CHALLENGE
AIMING for SUCCESS
Taking RISKS
Staying FOCUSED
So whose day can you brighten by sending a card or a handwritten note? No matter if it's a friend, family member or yourself, giving from your heart starts the "Law of Attraction" in motion and you'll feel great.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
The following equation really summarizes what needs to take place if you want to make any lasting changes in your life. It looks easy on paper but there's a lot of work that needs to take place behind the scenes. If you change any part of the equation, you change your life – either for the better or the worse.
Beliefs + Choices (Goals) + Actions + Determination + Persistence – doubts = your reality.
Let's take a look at some parts of the equation from the vantage point of an eagle.
1. Beliefs are the results of events or what we are taught as children. They are not true or false. They need to be looked at to see if they are getting you closer to the life you want or keeping it away from you. You might have been believe "you'll never amount to anything" because that's what your dad always said about you. If you examine that belief, you'll be able to determine if it's true now. You'll be able to list all your accomplishments and you'll be able to consciously let go of that negative belief that does nothing to improve the quality of your life.
2. We always have 2 choices – yes or no. We may have forgotten that fact but it's still true. Awareness (knowing something is possible) gives us the power to make new and better choices. No matter what we decide, we need to accept responsibility for our choices if we don't want to be a perpetual victim. If your mind says yes, check in with your gut to see if it agrees. Our intuition is located within our body, not our mind so when follow your feelings since they don't have an ego attachment to the results.
3. Change starts with the intention to do something differently. Nothing changes until some action is taken. I can set the intention that I'm going to lose 10 pounds but until I decrease my calorie intake and increase my expenditure of energy, the number on the bathroom scale isn't going to budge.
4. Determination (consistently focusing your attention and intention) to achieve or get something you really want. You must really want the change in every cell of your being. If you're not committed to the new result, you won't achieve it. If your spouse wants you to stop smoking but you don't want to quit, no amount of determination will turn you into a non-smoker. YOU have to want the result because it's of value to you.
5. Persistence means keep moving forward towards your objective no matter how long it takes to manifest, what other people say about your idea and it may mean taking baby steps until you're ready to sprint to the finish line. Don't give up because the answer to your prayer may be just minutes away from coming to you.
6. Doubts are the result of lack of trust in God, oneself or both. They can come from outside or inside influences. When launching a new idea, don't share it with people who will throw cold water on your red-hot idea. Find people who will cheer you on when your momentum is lagging a bit. If every inventor listened to and was influenced by any "doubting Thomas's", we wouldn't have made so much progress.
We've just covered the basics of the equation at a high level. To actually apply the equation to improve your life, you might consider hiring a professional success coach to help you look at any limiting beliefs that may be buried inside your brain. A coach would also make sure you take action and, because you want to get your money's worth from the coaching relationship, you'll get faster result working in partnership with a coach than you would on your own. Hiring a coach is your commitment to yourself that you really do want to change and that's the first step in having a happier, healthier and more successful life.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
The most valuable thing in the world is not an object, but an idea. Every object you see came from an idea. An object is finite, limited, and can come and go. However, a good idea contains within it the seeds of untold possibilities, including not just the idea at hand, but all the important ideas and products that may proceed as offshoots of the original one.
To believe in our ideas is to open the door to the infinite possibilities of our potential. To believe in our self is to pave the avenue of success for our ideas. Do not shoot your ideas down before you give them a chance. Yes, some or even many of them may not work out, but the ones that do bear fruit will make it all worth it.
The best way to have a good idea is to have many ideas. Gardeners plant many seeds and cull the best ones for further propagation. You must act as a gardener for your ideas, nurturing them all, removing the ones that are hot helpful, and giving all the nourishment you can to the good ones. Then one day you will look at your garden, bless God for the inspiration, and honor yourself for following through on your original vision.
Copyright 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.comn, www.jpstein.org, All rights reserved.
Life can teach us only when we are bold enough to venture into uncharted territory. Emotional and psychological healing always occurs outside the "safe" zone. Real learning comes when we try something we have never done before. You cannot know the result until you do it. You mind may tell you that something will never work but you won’t know that for a fact until you actually put it to the test.
If everyone sits on the bench in fear of making a mistake, there can be no ball game. The very way we learn to make hits is by making errors. No one has ever gotten up to bat for the first time and started hitting consistently. The biggest home run hitters are also the biggest strike-out artists. They swing for the fences, and they often do not make contact. But when they do, watch out! The same holds true for entrepreneurs and successful businesses.
It takes courage to be the first one to do something or to try to do an activity you were too afraid to try before now, but the payoff is equal to the risk. Participating is always more fun than sitting on the sidelines. Life is not a spectator sport. You have to be in it to win it. If you are the first one on the field, you take the chance of looking silly, but you also buy the right to enjoy yourself immensely, play longer than anyone else, and perhaps change the world while you're at it. Thanks to Bill Gates’ courage computers are now common place. If he hadn’t stepped up to the plate and been willing to try something new, computers might still be the size of a desk and used only by programmers rather than everyday people like you and me.
The more times you go up to bat, the easier it becomes and your chances for success improve. If you never make that cold call, sign up for that class, have the heart-to-heart conversation with a loved one or do anything else that’s outside your comfort zone, you’ll never gain confidence and your life will never improve. A swing and a miss is better than no swing at all because at least you are in the game.
Copyright 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.comn, www.jpstein.org, All rights reserved.
Is your in-basket about to tumble over? Do you have messages saved on your computer that are more than 1 year old and, if you actually need to find a specific one, you'd have to waste time plowing through dozens of messages until you located the one you wanted? What a waste of valuable time! In addition, do you have a problem keeping up with the "fresh" information that keeps pouring in, no less trying to tackle piles of old papers and emails that seem have multiplied since the last time you looked! In other words, do you feel like you have to tame the "data monster" before it buries you alive under a mountain of papers, binders, folders, note pads and other "referance" material that probably out of date?
I know your pain and I have a few suggestions that I've tired and they helped. My office was so litered with pieces of paper with ideas scribbled on them and I had every spare surface in my office covered with file folders, articles, magazines and other "mystery" items. Part of this is an occupational hazard associated with being a writer, coach and seminar leader. I had a general idea where I put things but knew the "data monster" could overwhelm me at any time. I seemed as if I needed to put on a hard hat before entering my office.
It felt like I was getting buried under piles of papers and both my in-and out-boxes on my computer were overflowing with messages that contained information about past events and completed projects. Why was I feeding the "data monster" by saving these things? I'd never use them again. Because of all the clutter, every time I went into my office, the feeling of dread rose to the surface and paralyzed me. I was so far behind in my filing that I thought it was useless even to start.
Recently I felt courageous and decided to tame my ever growing "data monster" after I heard the saying that "the only way to eat an elephant was one bite at a time." I realized that getting organized wasn't an all or nothing proposition. If I was consistant and spent 5 minutes a day organizing "something" in my office, I'd make headway. And I did!
Here are some of the things that helped me:
* I spent the time when I was on hold on the phone deleting old email messages and creating electronic folders for those messages I wanted to keep. I can now located need information more quickly.
* If I hadn't read a journal in a month, I threw it out. The likelyhood of my getting to old journals was slim to none since new materials constantly pour into my office.
* I spent 5 minutes each day tossing unnessary scribbled notes that were litering my desk. I often did this while waiting for a conference call to begin. I turned that "dead time" into something useful.
* I became more discerning about which e-zines I subscribed to and immediately unsubscribed from those that didn't provided me with anything more than a full inbox and more food for the "data monster." There's so much good information on the web that I could have easily spent hours a day just reading instead of actually doing anything.
* I established a "just in time" mentality. When I needed information I would quickly get it from the web and I gave myself permission to become only a "mini" expert on a topic. I didn't have to read everything that was every written on the subject. I just need to get the information I needed to immediately use.
* I use the delete key more often. If a friend sends me a joke or motivational message, I hit the delete button before reading the message and without guilt! If I read and responded to every joke that's sent to me, I'd start the day in overwhelm and that wouldn't get me off to a good start.
* "When in doubt, through it out" became my mantra.
I have to be deligent or my "data monster" will resurface. However, I know I can quickly tame it once again by focusing 5 minutes a day to getting organized. Phew! That's so much easier than believing I have to do it all at once.
I'd be interested to learn what helps you to stay organized. Just write a comment about this blog and your ideas will be shared with present and future readers who want to tame their own "data monsters."
Copyright 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.comn, www.jpstein.org, All rights reserved.
Lift up someone’s spirit today, and it will lift your own. Provide other people with value today, and you will increase your wealth. Spend a little while teaching someone, and you will learn something new.
Praise the work of another today, and you will be admired. Send out your love and love will come to you. Offer encouragement to those around you, and you’ll be more encouraged. Help others to enjoy the sunlight, and it will shine more brightly on you.
Comfort those who suffer, and your own pain will be eased. Expect the best of others, and they’ll see the best in you. Offer your support to the world, and the world will champion your cause. Live with passion and purpose, and the best things in life will find their way to you.
Today you can have, you can be, you can do whatever you’re willing to give of yourself.
Copyright © 1999 Ralph S. Marston, Jr.
This is exactly how I've been living my life for the past 2 years. I've been trusting that the universe provides for those that provide for the universe. So far it's worked well. When I lost my job, I thought I only had enough resources to last a few months but somehow they've lasted years. I haven't missed a meal or failed to pay a bill. Granted I have had to use my credit card to help build my business but I saw it as an investment in myself.
I'm happier now than I was when I was the Human Resources Manager for a connector manufacturer. I no longer take anybody for granted…myself or others. I focus on gratitude and on helping others to achieve their goals. I smile at strangers, give compliments freely and do random acts of kindness. I help friends with their problems, offer words of encouragement to people who are in crisis and give my time to support arts organizations (things that nourish my soul). I like the way I feel when I do these things, when I have a positive attitude about the purpose of my life.
My faith in the principle that everything comes back is currently being tested. I'm now in a situation when I'm looking for the "pay off". I'm willing to receive support from the universe so that I can pay my rent, pay my health and car insurance and all my other bills as well as to have enough discretionary income to travel and to do things that nourish my soul. I guess the doubting Thomas in me is still doing things in the hopes of getting something in return rather than being "unconditional" when I do something.
I'm not sure how to make that leap of faith to trusting 100% that all my needs will be provided for in some way while I have my own fears. I really need God's help right now to find the right niche for me to receive money and other things that show I'm valued and appreciated. I'm now eagerly awaiting to see how my prayers will be answered and how my good works will be rewarded. In my mind, I KNOW they will, that knowledge just hasn't made its way into my heart or my body. I'm willing to have that happen.
I choose to be a teacher of universal principles and I'm now getting the opportunity to "walk my talk." I'm making conscious choices about how I invest my time, talents and resources. I've decided to take care of myself first and to love myself and then to share what I learn with others. This is all part of a process and I'm delighted that, by sharing my own journey in my blog, readers are benefiting. That makes me feel great and I wouldn’t change any of my experiences since they have been of benefit to me and others. It all really does come back!
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. www.jpstein.org All rights reserved.
The Secret, also known as the Law of Attraction, has many people interested in applying spiritual principles in all areas of their life. Many people confuse religion with spirituality and, therefore believe that spirituality doesn't apply to the workplace. I disagree. Maybe after you read my definition of spirituality, you'll agree with me. But, if you don't, that's OK.
What does spirituality in the workplace mean? For me it means many things. It means:
· viewing what I do at work in a higher context;
· seeing how what I do impacts not only me, but my colleagues, my customers, my company my industry, my community and my environment;
· doing things proactively to make my company a better place for the current employees and the ones that will come on board later;
· taking full responsibility for my actions and my "in-actions" – no excuses , no
finger pointing;
· telling my truth, having integrity and being authentic;
· continuous, life-long learning – whether it's acquiring new skills, increasing my self-knowledge or exploring new ideas;
· communicating from my heart rather than my ego and having others do the same;
· expressing gratitude and appreciation openly and often;
· making conscious choices to do what's morally and ethically right every moment of every day;
· giving honest feedback in such a way as to maintain someone else's self-esteem;
· being open-minded as well as non-judgmental and treating everyone with respect no matter what their job title, their race, their religion, their gender or their income bracket;
· encouraging everyone to creatively solve their problems, and then unleashing their creativity to other arenas of the business and the community;
· and realizing that change is the only constant in life.
In other words, spirituality in the workplace means going beyond just "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's about focusing on the quality of our lives and realizing that we're all interconnected. It's about knowing that you can reach your goals only by serving others as best as you can, and helping others achieve their goals. Successful businesses, and successful relationships in general, are built upon service to others.
© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com, www.jpstein.org
Happiness is not the result of favorable conditions. That’s backwards. Favorable conditions result from happiness. So what does it take to be happy? Nothing more than a willingness to be happy and to pay attention to what’s going well in your life.
Happiness comes from the way you respond to life. There are people who have every reason to be miserable, but who still live with happiness and joy. Everyone has challenges and everyone has disappointments. Yet they do not have to get you down. True happiness comes not from the absence of problems but in spite of the problems. Happiness is not a reaction, it is a choice.
For more than nine months, I have had a challenge using my right arm. Up until last week, I couldn’t raise it higher than my waist. Now I can raise it to shoulder level. There has not been one minute of one day that I haven’t been in pain.
I haven’t let that stop me. I’ve felt the pain, limited my activities when necessary, done things that gave me joy and looked for the gift in the situation with my arm. The biggest gift is that I learned to put myself first in the equation of life rather than at the bottom of the list. I’ve also learned that strangers can be very kind, friends can give of themselves and their time and that I’m worthy of receiving. By paying attention, I realized that I don’t have to do anything, I just have to be the best me I can be and my world is a happier place. I’ve also learned to listen to my intuition and to pay attention to my body. I no longer force it to do anything that it doesn’t feel capable of doing. I ask for help instead.
When you look at the world through the fog of your own worries, your anger, your frustration and impatience, many valuable things will just pass you by, completely unnoticed.
Imagine driving through town while someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you going to notice the new flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your focus will be on that gun.
Are you holding a gun to your own head, by constantly focusing on what’s wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed with your own problems that you don’t see the opportunities all around you?
Your attention can be effectively focused on only one thing at a time. Sure you have problems and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is the value of agonizing over them?
Pay attention to what’s good about your life. Rather than worrying about what you don’t have, seek to make the best of all the good things you do have. There are a lot of things right with your life. Give your attention to them and they will grow.
© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com
Have you ever had a disagreement with a family member, friend, co-worker or complete stranger and gotten frustrated because the other person just didn’t “get” what you were trying to say? I know I sure have. I’ve found that certain words shut down communication while others are keys to open communication.
Here are some words that shut down communication.
You’re wrong…
I never said that…
You should…
You must…
You always…
Can’t you…
Shut up…
When you start sentences with these words it’s as if you’re holding up a big red stop light because all positive communication stops and a game of “he said, she said” starts and never really ends. One party is trying to prove they are “right” which means they have to make the other party “wrong” and nobody really likes to be wrong. It’s as if you start the conversation with a closed mind and nothing the other person can say is going to change your mind. Neither party is really satisfied with the results and has to find a way to release the anger that is generated by closed communication. That can take the form of physical or emotional abuse, illness, depression, or addictions to name just a few.
On the other hand, if you want to really have close relationships and to feel good about yourself and others, you might consider using open phrases similar to the ones below. They are statements about how you feel or what you want. Nobody can tell you that you don’t want or need something because they are not you. They have not had your life experiences nor seen an event from the exact same point of reference as you did. Both of you filter your interpretation of an event through your own frames of reference.
Sentences that start with “I” or “Would” give the green light to continuing the conversation. You are just giving or asking for information. This takes the emotion out of the statement and allows the other party to stay neutral rather than to jump into a defensive mode. These opening phrases enable you to say exactly what is real for you.
I’ve noticed…
Is it OK with you…
Are you willing…
I have a need to…
I want…
I need…
I’d appreciate…
I’d prefer…
Would you please…
I’m curious…
Would you consider…
Choose your words carefully because they will either bring you closer to another or push them away. If you notice you used a “red light” word and didn’t mean to, an “I’m sorry” goes a very long way.
© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS and Associates. www.bestcoach4u.com, All rights reserved.
Do you know any person who is perfectly right all the time? The fact is no one is ever completely right or completely wrong all the time. I’m certainly not. You are not. The people in your life are not.
It helps to keep this in mind as we relate to one another. We all make mistakes. We all have brilliant moments of insight. And normally, we all fall somewhere in between those two extremes.
“Walk a mile is somebody else’s shoes” before you judge or criticize them. Our life circumstances and our reactions to those situations create our character, our viewpoint about life and our coping skills.
No two people have had the exact same experiences or the exact same reactions to a situation. We each do the best we can to get the love and support we want and to maintain the “illusions” about ourselves that we think define who we are . As my aunt who is in her 80s has been going through the “healing process” associated with her broken leg, she’s told people not to come and visit her. She wants to be alone.
I heard this and it made me uncomfortable since it’s the opposite of how I react to stressful situations. I want people around me when I don’t feel well. I want immediate love, support and soothing words. I tried to put myself in my aunt’s shoes (or shoe as the case may be) and, from her perspective, she wants to be alone as she doesn’t want to admit that she’s not in control of the situation. She doesn’t want to admit to herself that she’s human just like the rest of us. That’s her self-image and she wants to hold on to it, no matter what the cost.
I don’t have a right to change her since her viewpoint is no more right than mine is. Her coping mechanisms are as perfect for her as mine are for me. All I can do is to see beneath the surface and see my aunt’s core. She’s a point of divine love, just as I am. Granted that I wish she’d reveal that more often but it’s there none the same. When I focus only our differing personality traits, we walk in different directions. When I allow the love within my soul to merge with the love within her soul, we can walk together on common ground. For me, that’s the path I choose to follow. My aunt has to choose her own path and I have to allow her to do so, even if it takes her to places that I don’t want to go.
A powerful strategy for effective communication is to first understand the other person. You must go beyond superficial judgments to find something of value with which you can identify and relate. You’ll never completely agree on everything, yet you can almost always find useful and valuable common ground.
Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com, jp@bestcoach4u.com
I joined a Success Coaching Circle this week because I believe so much in the value of coaching. The group I joined is helping me to create bold goals (even if I don’t know how they will come about), to focus on a niche market and to do something every week that will lead me in the direction of my goals. This is exactly what I do with my clients and I know it works. Just the fact that my peers are holding me accountable for my actions is a big motivator. It keeps me from being complacent and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Besides it keeps me in touch with what my clients experience when working with me.
I’ve been on one teleconference this week, listened to several podcasts, defined my bold goals and clarified my niche market. I’ve also created a new tag line – “Solutions for hiring, retaining and creating star performers.” Not bad for less than 72 hours!
My membership in this coaching group keeps me focused on the fact that each day you do something (no matter how small, boring or tedious) to achieve a goal, you're taking a step on the pathway leading to accomplishment and success. Take at least one positive step on a daily basis and make sure your thoughts, feelings and beliefs are focused on achieving your goal and you'll be successful. Celebrate your successes along the way especially if you're aiming towards a long range goal. I’ve become my own best cheerleader and talk to myself – Way to go! I’m proud of you! I’ve also learned to be gentle with myself if I misstep and temporarily leave the path. I just redirect my attention and my energies towards my goals. Success is more an attitude than a single achievement.
Success is often tedious. When we see success in others, it looks exciting and fun. We see someone who is successful in business living in a magnificent house, driving a shiny new car and taking exotic vacations. We see a successful athlete being cheered by the crowd after a winning performance on the playing field. We usually see only the results of success in others.
What we often fail to see and appreciate is how they got there. The person with a successful business has spent many long, boring hours, working late into the night on tasks that no one would consider fun or exciting. The winning athlete has spent day after day on the practice field and in the weight room, laboriously training mind and body.
Those who understand, appreciate and accept that the road to achievement can often be tiresome, those who are willing to do whatever it takes, no matter if it is often tedious and boring, are the ones who will get the reward they seek.
Copyright © 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
It is easy to say that problems can be turned into opportunities. But how do you really make that happen? When a problem first appears, it never does seem like an opportunity. It usually is intimidating and overwhelming.
So what turns a problem into an opportunity? Action. The quickest way to transform a problem into an opportunity is to do something about it. Take action. Go to work on the problem, and the opportunity will begin to reveal itself.
Worrying and complaining will only make the problem worse. Action is what will improve the situation. Think back to all the challenges youâve faced in the past, and to how your action changed them from feeling negative to positive.
As I'm writing this, I have a shoulder âlearning opportunityâ thatâs taking the form of pain which limits my ability to do some very basic things. This situation has been going on for more than 6 months. Every day I have 2 choices: worry or do something positive. Today I chose to write my blog share what I've learned with others who may be going through a physical, emotional or financial challenge now or who go will through or in the future.
Because of what Iâve experienced for more than half of a year, I am better prepared to turn challenges into opportunities for growth. I now have an âemergency preparedness kitâ that Iâve created to assist me in turning a problem into an opportunity. When faced with a new challenge, I always remember to use my "emergency preparedness kit" â they're things to do to help you when you have a problem, no matter what size the problem is.
Breathe. Focused breathing relieves stress and keeps you focused in the moment.
Shed as many tears as you need to. Feel and express all the emotions that come up and do it for as long as you feel it's necessary. Don't listen to people who tell you to stop crying if you still feel you have some tears left to shed. They want you to stop so they'll feel better so they won't have to feel their own feelings.
Do research to find out all you can about the situation: The more information you have the better able you will be to make wise decisions.
Ask for help. If there are specific things that will help you to resolve a problem, ask for help. You increase the odds that you'll get what you need if people are aware of what they can do for you.
Keep focused. That may mean replacing fearful thoughts with affirmations, cleaning windows, doing a puzzle, or engaging in a hobby. The more you can turn your energy away from obsessive worry, the better you'll be able to handle the situation.
Take care of yourself. Take your vitamins, eat healthy foods, get some exercise, be around nature or beauty and relax. You need all your energy at this time and "running on empty" will only cause problems for you in the future. This may also mean asking for professional help from your doctor, clergyman or a mental health professional if you feel yourself becoming depressed or feeling hopeless about the situation.
Develop a plan. Think through the options you're facing and create an action plan for each option. That way you'll be prepared and the problems won't seem so overwhelming.
Learn from the experience. This is a time to learn more about yourself and those around you. It's a time to see that no one benefits if you hold on to old hurts or grudges. It's a time to forgive and to express your truth in the moment and to focus on facts rather than on judgment or blame. What you learn and do now will help you in the immediate situation and prepare the groundwork for improved relationships in the future.
Pray. Turn the situation over to a Higher Power and trust that HE has an even more detailed plan for your ultimate happiness. HE sees the big picture while you only see one small piece of it. Besides, HE can work miracles!
By using the tools in this "emergency preparedness kit", you'll be better equipped to handle any problems that you may experience on life's journey.
Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved
When you’re tempted to give in to anger, resentment, self-pity, envy, or other feelings of negativity, remember this: life is a privilege, not a punishment.
Think of how a tiny insect acts to save its own life when injured or threatened. Consider the compelling wisdom in that instinct for self- preservation. Life is precious to the living, no matter how seemingly insignificant. It is a privilege worth preserving and nurturing.
I have an 80 year old aunt who is currently in a convalescent hospital recovering from breaking her leg for the second time. Ever since I can remember, she’s always whined, complained, assumed the role of victim and generally been miserable. She’s always acted as if life was a punishment to be endured rather than a blessing to be enjoyed. And, she’s not a fun person to be around and never has been.
My aunt’s health issue and her continuous complaining reminded me of several important lessons. First, it reminded me to live in the moment because no one (no matter how young or how old) knows exactly how many moments they have left. Second, it reminded me to say all the loving and kind things aloud that we just assume people know. Whatever you'd regret not having said after somebody dies, say it now. People like to hear "thank you", "I love you", "I appreciate the extra effort you put into that project." It also will make your feel great. On the flip side, whatever petty grievances or grudges you're holding onto, let go of them now. Why hold onto those negative feelings for one more day? Does being right really mean more to you than being happy? How do you really feel deep down in your guts when you're harboring negative feelings towards another? Is your perceived victory really worth the price?
My aunt’s broken leg reminded me of a third lesson. As long as you're alive you can make a contribution to somebody's life. My aunt could be making her nurses’ workdays more enjoyable or be bringing a smile to another patient’s face. Instead she’s doing the opposite and wondering why the staff at the hospital isn’t “jumping at her command”.
Be necessary. That doesn't mean being co-dependent or playing the martyr. It means making the world a better place because you're alive and that can be done by such simple acts as smiling at strangers or letting somebody in front of you in the grocery store. The more necessary you make yourself, the more successful and the happier you’ll be in this world.
How many lives can you improve today? What can you do that will make the most difference for the most people? What special thing do you have to offer, and how can you get others to benefit from it?
No matter what kind of work you do or what your age, there is always the opportunity for you to make a difference. All you have to do is to focus on the positive, smile, truly listen to other people from a loving space inside your heart rather than from a judgment place inside your head, and you become a healing agent for the planet. You play a very important role. There are really no menial jobs, and there are no magnificent jobs. It is the person doing the work who gives that work value. It is the desire and ability to effectively serve others that brings about success and happiness.
Every day, in every situation, make yourself necessary. Seek out ways to offer a meaningful contribution. Enthusiastically place yourself in the service of others. That is the attitude which leads to success. That is the pathway of accomplishment, wealth, and excellence. Be necessary, make a positive difference, and you will enjoy your life more and you will leave a wonderful legacy for all whose lives you have touched.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
If I went to a gym and attempted to bench press 300 pounds, I could not do it. Just getting me to step foot into a gym would be a Herculean effort. Yet there are many people who can bench press 300 pounds or more. They are able to do this because they have, through weight training and a “can do attitude”, developed the necessary muscle strength to lift that much weight as well as they confidence to actually do it. The only way to develop the muscle strength for lifting heavy weights, is to set the intention to do so and then start lifting lighter weights, and steadily work up to the desired weight.
The same concept applies to any kind of worthwhile accomplishment. You cannot expect to achieve a big success without first building your own muscles of success. Repeatedly lifting lighter weights will give you the strength to lift heavier weights. Similarly, every challenge you overcome gives you the strength to take on bigger challenges. Before you can be a doctor or lawyer, you must pass tests. Before you can be a certified technician, you must demonstrate your ability to do given tasks. Before you can be a sales person, you must be comfortable talking to people. All the preliminary training of your mental and physical muscles are necessary to prepare you for success. Sorry to burst your bubble but there is no easier way to reach your goals – no fairy dust, magic lamp or magic wand. It’s all up to YOU.
How strong are your muscles of success? Do you train and develop them every day by your willingness to take on tasks that truly challenge you? The strength needed for success in any endeavor is developed by repeatedly and effectively overcoming obstacles. Take on the challenges, and see how much stronger they make you.
