JPS & Associates ... helping you master change

Two powerful words -- THANK YOU

I haven't been blogging for several months because I have been dealing with family and personal health challenges/"learning opportunities." I've been in contact with family members, state agencies, the phone company, social workers, caregivers, and numerous other people. I've been bounced from one person to another and had to wait on hold for what felt like eons but in reality was only minutes. The longer I had to wait the more impatient I became. That's when I had my "light bulb moment.

Does this ring a bell with you?

I'm back... I haven't been near my computer for months, except to check emails so I haven't been posting blog entries. I've been in what I describe as "swirling mode" -- I'm still jettisoning lots of "stuff" (beliefs, feelings, goals) through the centrifugal force caused by spinning. It's feels like I am experiencing a "Spring cleaning" for the soul after what seems like a very "dark and stormy night of the soul". I'm still swirling but the velocity and intensity has lessen greatly; probably because I embraced the process instead of trying to run away from it. I'm giving myself permission to let the process continue as long as necessary to rid myself of any negativity from the past so that it doesn't come with me into the present or the future.

Lot's of things have been taking place at once: my mother had emergency hip surgery and my sister and I have to find a place for her to live since she may not be able to return home, my downstairs neighbor died, my next door neighbor had a concussion and severe asthma attacks so I helped with her kids, and I took a nasty tumble injuring my "good arm" as well as re-injuring my other arm. The list could go on but I think you get the point. Lots of "yucky stuff" going on in my life at the same time. During all of this, friends really showed up to help me. They brought food, did errands, gifted me with money and had meals delivered to my apartment. I was and still am very grateful. Because my basic needs were provided for, I was able to help others. I gave words of encouragement, shared ideas, listened with an open heart and did whatever else I could to "do unto others as was done unto me." No matter what was going on, I looked for the gift in the situation and there were many. It really did feel as good to give as it did to receive!

Below is one of my surprise gifts. It's a word-for-word copy of an email that was sent to me by Jeannette M. Jackson with the intention of providing me with encouragement. I've never meet this woman and she sent this to me in response to an email of encouragement I sent her when I learned of all the challenges she'd experienced. I was so touched by her generosity of spirit that I decided, with her permission, to share her true experience with others. It's theme is to see the gifts in everything. Even if it is what we humans would perceive as initially a "bad thing."

This little roller coaster started a couple of weeks ago. I actually had a day off and pulled into the parking lot of the Target on Camelback and 11th Avenue. I initially thought I was going to go and buy some plants at their garden center and enjoy some gardening on my day off. I was sitting there waiting to turn into the parking lot...traffic is really bad there because of the light rail construction. Then I looked to my left and off to the side of the road was this beautiful cat lying there motionless. Something kept sparkling around its neck. My soul felt heavy. I knew it must be someones beloved pet, or they would not have put such a sparkly collar on it.

So I went into the garden center and asked the clerk if she had a box I could have. She said she could box up any plants when I got to the check-out stand. I then told her it was for the cat. I told her that it looked like the cat had been recently hit and I was going to go and see if it had an I.D. charm, so I could call the owner. She quickly gave me a box and some plastic bags. I just know that if something happened to one of my cats and they got out of the house, I would want someone to make an effort to call me.

Well I got to the cat and gently turned the collar around and around and no I.D. The something shining was little gold bell. So I knew this cat must have liked to sneak out, or they would not have put a bell on him. I have a boy cat that looks a lot like the cat that got hit...just younger and smaller. He was named St. Christopher, because he likes to sneak out all of the time and St. Christopher is the Saint for the travelers. My neighbors named him.

I knew the cat that had been hit was a boy, because he had not been fixed. I gently picked up his body and put him in the box. Then I called the non-emergency police number, because I did not know where to take him to get him scanned to see if he had a micro chip. The officer said to call the Humane Society and they would send someone to pick him up. I told her I could not leave him in the street and that I would take him to the Humane Society. I called them and they gave me their location.

I found myself talking to the cat and praying that his owners would have a healing from him transitioning. I told him that is was OK to go back to God. That his job was done here and that his owners are thankful for the love that he brought into their lives. Anyone would have thought I was crazy talking to a dead cat!

I went to the Humane Society and they scanned his still warm body. No microchip. I then asked her if she would write down a really good description of him including his black collar with shiny gold bell. She said she would and they would keep the description on file for three days (just in case someone called looking for him). She said it was rare that anyone would pick up the cat and that normally people call and have them pick up the animals off of the road. She said that his little head was hit really hard and probably did not suffer for very long. I wondered if the person that hit him knew that they had hit him. She said they probably thought it was a rock, because of all of the construction.

I know that God brought that little guy with the golden bell to me to prepare me to help my neighbors and friends these last couple of weeks. My heart was so heavy after I left the cat. I cried all the way home. I thought my friends and family would think that I crazy for crying and feeling such sorrow over a cat that was not even mine. Then I realized who cares what anyone would think about me. I don't think I have ever been understood since the age of 10. It just does not matter. What does matter is that day that cat was an affirmation for everything that I believe in...it just took a reminder to prepare me for the future.

Because of that cat I have been rock for those that have needed me lately. It was an affirmation to always honor and respect all living and dead beings. To treat everything with love and kindness, because there really is no death. I told my mother about what had happened. She did not laugh at me, or make fun of me. She said that I should share the golden bell story with people who might need to hear the bell ring themselves. So you are the second person I am sharing it with. It would not surprise me if that cat's little gold bell rang all the way to heaven!

Anyway, these last few days strength, faith and a thankful heart have helped me help my friends and loved ones. When anyone gets really down or is tired, for some reason I have known just the right thing to say. Even when I kept going back forth to the hospital to see friends and family members, I knew exactly what to bring to make each person feel more loved and comfortable. I would get there and they would say...wow Jeanette how did you know that I needed that right now. Daisy the mother to Nate who was in the hospital kept saying "you have such a heart of gold".

Maybe that is my little gold bell and maybe that will help the angels find me when it is time to go back home. Bottom line-- we all have a heart of gold. Each of us has challenges and even though we do the challenges can never be too great to find love to share with someone else. So "when you hear a bell an angel gets their wings really is an understatement." Maybe when we hear a bell...it means for us to open our hearts of love to everyone.

Live each moment as if it were your last

When it rains, it pours. I just got off the phone with the husband of a long-time friend named Paula. She hasn't been answering my emails so I called to see if she retired. She was really looking forward to doing that and then to do all the things she'd put off until she no longer was employed. One of those things was coming to spend some time with me in Arizona . When I talked to her husband, David, I found out she had a stroke and has the mental capacity of a 1 year old. She was one of the brightest and most creative women I know. I told David to give her a big kiss for me. She just turned 65. What she's experiencing shows the importance of living in the moment since we don't know what the next moment will bring. I haven't been blogging recently because the last few months have reinforced the importance of living in the moment and appreciating everything. Just let go of anger, grudges, hurt feelings, judgments and anything else that keeps you from experiencing happiness in this very moment. Things have been even more challenging for me recently. Hard to believe... but it's true. Here are just some of the things that have happened in the last few weeks. They are in no particular order and just meant to show you that no matter what you're experiencing somebody is experiencing even more. I've had several other opportunities to learn that lesson over the last month or so.  As you may know, I'm recovering from two serious injuries -- both of which left my body in pain and in healing mode. My most recent fall was 2 weeks ago when, while running to get the phone, I tripped and slammed my head, arm and other body parts on a doorframe. Trying to break the fall, I've re-injured the arm that's been "talking to me for almost a year."  It's difficult for me to sit, stand, walk and do much of anything. Guess God wants me to stay in one place so we stay connected. Oh, I also broke a tooth and yesterday I had a crown. Normally going to the dentist isn't one of my favorite things to do but yesterday it was actually a pleasant respite from everything else I'm dealing with. I'm proud of myself for dealing with one thing at a time, crying when I felt the need and then looking for the positive gift each event was giving me. There were many. I haven't worked in about a year because of my initial arm injury. I can't drive and need to rest every few hours so my back doesn't go into painful spasms. Because I am single, self-supporting and my coaching/consulting practice is temporarily on hiatus, I'm in huge financial debt and have a total of $800 to my name. I was able to pay my rent for May but have asked God to provide me with all the funds I need for living expenses and to pay off a huge amount of credit card debt. The good news is that I'm going to be on an international Internet radio show on May 26 and it's my intention that my appearance generates income. The best news is that I'm not worrying about these things and just doing "belly breathing" to stay in the moment and to stay calm. It's working. On top of everything else, my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital on Thursday night when her hip gave way as she was getting up from a chair. She had major surgery and a rod was put into her hip late Saturday evening. About 6 PM Sunday night, I was able to talk with her for the first time.  She sounded groggy and she recognized me. She wondered how I knew about the surgery since she lives in California and hadn't told anybody about her fall. Her property manager called my sister, who lives in California , and my sister called me. When I was finally able to talk with my mom, she said she wanted to eat something so that's a good sign and she wasn't aware if it was 6 in the morning or the evening. That's how she always is when she gets up from a long nap. In actuality, she sounded just the way she always does when I wake her up from one of her naps when I call. I was able to tell her that I love her and that's what I really wanted to do. Now it's a wait and see game. Now I'm coordinating short-term and long-term care for my mom and this all has to be done over the phone. I've had her moved into the same convalescent facility that her sister is in while she’s recovering from a broken leg. They are at opposite sides of the facility (which is a good thing for my mom's sanity) but at least they are near each other. Unless things radically improve and my mom regains her sight as well as her mobility, my sister and I are going to have to go to LA to close my mother's apartment because we don't think she'll be ever able to return or, if she does, she'll need 24/7 nursing help. We paid her rent though June and then it we'll have a better idea about what the next steps have to be. This possibility is very emotional for my sister and me. My mom has lived in the same place for over 30 years -- twenty years after my dad's death. I'm still in healing mode myself and can't drive right without pain so two days ago I had neighbors drop my car off for service.  $600 later and my car should be great for the drive to LA. I'm going to drive as soon as I can sit for a long period of time because I want to start taking some of my mom's things home with me. Even if she does return home, there is no reason for her to save her bowling ball, thirty year old candles that are still in their original plastic wrappers, golf clubs, bowling trophies, a set of World Book Encyclopedias from the 60, a doll I got when I was on television about 40 years ago, hasn't worn in years and will never wear. My sister, who lives in San Luis Obispo, and I want to start the de cluttering process prior to my mom's death so we don't go into overwhelm when it happens. Because my mom is diabetic and feisty, we can't predict how much longer she'll be with us but we know these things will need to be done eventually. I want to start doing them before she actually dies -- because it will be easier for me and so she can make her wishes known. Basically, God must think I'm super woman because of all that I'm dealing with and I have no family in Arizona and only three family members in CA. I've come to the point where I'm on financial aid for my insurance but can't qualify for SSI until a year after my initial arm injury and then I'll have to go through a battery of tests. I've even done something that was very hard for me -- I told people that I need morale support, prayers, phone calls or cards as well as gifts of money and help doing marketing and cleaning. I am very independent and it's easy for me to offer help to other but difficult to ask for help for myself. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. I was so grateful that some of my neighbors brought me food, did errands for me and a former client had 4 dinners sent to my house so I don't have to cook and to make sure I eat balanced meals and the husband of my best friend in Arizona (who died about 18 months ago) brought over some frozen dinners from a cafe that we like that's near my apartment. I've gotten through tough times before but never had to deal with so much as once. All I can do is to take one day at a time and to look for the positives in ALL situations. I know there is a positive aspect to all of this and to find it I have to stay focused on what's happening in this moment. I have to let got of worry about the future or recriminations about the past. I now make sure I say "I love you", stop and smell the roses, stay in contact with friends who live in different parts of the world and appreciate the beauty of every sunrise and sunset. I don't want to waste a precious moment of the limited amount of time we have on the school called planet earth. By paying attention to the good things that are happening, my attracting even more good things into my life and I am very grateful for it all. I even have the buckets ready when money starts pouring from heaven. 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

6 Steps to a Happier Life

The following equation really summarizes what needs to take place if you want to make any lasting changes in your life. It looks easy on paper but there's a lot of work that needs to take place behind the scenes. If you change any part of the equation, you change your life – either for the better or the worse.

Beliefs + Choices (Goals) + Actions + Determination + Persistence – doubts = your reality.

Let's take a look at some parts of the equation from the vantage point of an eagle.

1.   Beliefs are the results of events or what we are taught as children. They are not true or false. They need to be looked at to see if they are getting you closer to the life you want or keeping it away from you. You might have been believe "you'll never amount to anything" because that's what your dad always said about you. If you examine that belief, you'll be able to determine if it's true now. You'll be able to list all your accomplishments and you'll be able to consciously let go of that negative belief that does nothing to improve the quality of your life.

2.   We always have 2 choices – yes or no. We may have forgotten that fact but it's still true. Awareness (knowing something is possible) gives us the power to make new and better choices. No matter what we decide, we need to accept responsibility for our choices if we don't want to be a perpetual victim. If your mind says yes, check in with your gut to see if it agrees. Our intuition is located within our body, not our mind so when follow your feelings since they don't have an ego attachment to the results.

3.   Change starts with the intention to do something differently. Nothing changes until some action is taken. I can set the intention that I'm going to lose 10 pounds but until I decrease my calorie intake and increase my expenditure of energy, the number on the bathroom scale isn't going to budge.

4.   Determination (consistently focusing your attention and intention) to achieve or get something you really want. You must really want the change in every cell of your being. If you're not committed to the new result, you won't achieve it. If your spouse wants you to stop smoking but you don't want to quit, no amount of determination will turn you into a non-smoker. YOU have to want the result because it's of value to you.

5.   Persistence means keep moving forward towards your objective no matter how long it takes to manifest, what other people say about your idea and it may mean taking baby steps until you're ready to sprint to the finish line. Don't give up because the answer to your prayer may be just minutes away from coming to you.

6.   Doubts are the result of lack of trust in God, oneself or both. They can come from outside or inside influences. When launching a new idea, don't share it with people who will throw cold water on your red-hot idea. Find people who will cheer you on when your momentum is lagging a bit. If every inventor listened to and was influenced by any "doubting Thomas's", we wouldn't have made so much progress.

We've just covered the basics of the equation at a high level. To actually apply the equation to improve your life, you might consider hiring a professional success coach to help you look at any limiting beliefs that may be buried inside your brain. A coach would also make sure you take action and, because you want to get your money's worth from the coaching relationship, you'll get faster result working in partnership with a coach than you would on your own. Hiring a coach is your commitment to yourself that you really do want to change and that's the first step in having a happier, healthier and more successful life.

© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

What does spiritualilty in the workplace mean?

The Secret, also known as the Law of Attraction, has many people interested in applying spiritual principles in all areas of their life. Many people confuse religion with spirituality and, therefore believe that spirituality doesn't apply to the workplace. I disagree. Maybe after you read my definition of spirituality, you'll agree with me. But, if you don't, that's OK.

What does spirituality in the workplace mean? For me it means many things.  It means:

·    viewing what I do at work in a higher context;

·    seeing how what I do impacts not only me, but my colleagues, my customers, my  company my industry, my community and my environment;

·    doing things proactively to make my company a better place for the current employees and the ones that will come on board later;

·    taking full responsibility for my actions and my "in-actions" – no excuses , no 
finger pointing;

·     telling my truth, having integrity and being authentic;

·     continuous, life-long learning – whether it's acquiring new skills, increasing my self-knowledge or exploring new ideas;

·    communicating from my heart rather than my ego and having others do the same;

·    expressing gratitude and appreciation openly and often;

·    making conscious choices to do what's morally and ethically right every moment of every day;

·     giving honest feedback in such a way as to maintain someone else's self-esteem;

·     being open-minded as well as non-judgmental and treating everyone with respect no matter what their job title, their race, their religion, their gender or their income bracket;

·     encouraging everyone to creatively solve their problems, and then unleashing their creativity to other arenas of the business and the community;

·    and realizing that change is the only constant in life.

In other words, spirituality in the workplace means going beyond just "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you."  It's about focusing on the quality of our lives and realizing that we're all interconnected.  It's about knowing that you can reach your goals only by serving others as best as you can, and helping others achieve their goals.  Successful businesses, and successful relationships in general, are built upon service to others.

© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com, www.jpstein.org 

Pay Attention

Happiness is not the result of favorable conditions. That’s backwards. Favorable conditions result from happiness. So what does it take to be happy? Nothing more than a willingness to be happy and to pay attention to what’s going well in your life.

Happiness comes from the way you respond to life. There are people who have every reason to be miserable, but who still live with happiness and joy. Everyone has challenges and everyone has disappointments. Yet they do not have to get you down. True happiness comes not from the absence of problems but in spite of the problems. Happiness is not a reaction, it is a choice.

For more than nine months, I have had a challenge using my right arm. Up until last week, I couldn’t raise it higher than my waist. Now I can raise it to shoulder level. There has not been one minute of one day that I haven’t been in pain.

I haven’t let that stop me. I’ve felt the pain, limited my activities when necessary, done things that gave me joy and looked for the gift in the situation with my arm. The biggest gift is that I learned to put myself first in the equation of life rather than at the bottom of the list. I’ve also learned that strangers can be very kind, friends can give of themselves and their time and that I’m worthy of receiving. By paying attention, I realized that I don’t have to do anything, I just have to be the best me I can be and my world is a happier place. I’ve also learned to listen to my intuition and to pay attention to my body. I no longer force it to do anything that it doesn’t feel capable of doing. I ask for help instead.

When you look at the world through the fog of your own worries, your anger, your frustration and impatience, many valuable things will just pass you by, completely unnoticed.

Imagine driving through town while someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you going to notice the new flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your focus will be on that gun.

Are you holding a gun to your own head, by constantly focusing on what’s wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed with your own problems that you don’t see the opportunities all around you?

Your attention can be effectively focused on only one thing at a time. Sure you have problems and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is the value of agonizing over them?

Pay attention to what’s good about your life. Rather than worrying about what you don’t have, seek to make the best of all the good things you do have. There are a lot of things right with your life. Give your attention to them and they will grow.

© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com

Powerful words

Have you ever had a disagreement with a family member, friend, co-worker or complete stranger and gotten frustrated because the other person just didn’t “get” what you were trying to say? I know I sure have. I’ve found that certain words shut down communication while others are keys to open communication.

Here are some words that shut down communication.

You’re wrong…

I never said that…

You should…

You must…

You always…

Can’t you…

Shut up…

When you start sentences with these words it’s as if you’re holding up a big red stop light because all positive communication stops and a game of “he said, she said” starts and never really ends. One party is trying to prove they are “right” which means they have to make the other party “wrong” and nobody really likes to be wrong. It’s as if you start the conversation with a closed mind and nothing the other person can say is going to change your mind. Neither party is really satisfied with the results and has to find a way to release the anger that is generated by closed communication. That can take the form of physical or emotional abuse, illness, depression, or addictions to name just a few.

On the other hand, if you want to really have close relationships and to feel good about yourself and others, you might consider using open phrases similar to the ones below. They are statements about how you feel or what you want. Nobody can tell you that you don’t want or need something because they are not you. They have not had your life experiences nor seen an event from the exact same point of reference as you did. Both of you filter your interpretation of an event through your own frames of reference.

Sentences that start with “I” or “Would” give the green light to continuing the conversation. You are just giving or asking for information. This takes the emotion out of the statement and allows the other party to stay neutral rather than to jump into a defensive mode. These opening phrases enable you to say exactly what is real for you.

I’ve noticed…

Is it OK with you…

Are you willing…

I have a need to…

I want…

I need…

I’d appreciate…

I’d prefer…

Would you please…

I’m curious…

Would you consider…

Choose your words carefully because they will either bring you closer to another or push them away. If you notice you used a “red light” word and didn’t mean to, an “I’m sorry” goes a very long way.

© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS and Associates. www.bestcoach4u.com, All rights reserved.

Common ground...

Do you know any person who is perfectly right all the time? The fact is no one is ever completely right or completely wrong all the time. I’m certainly not. You are not. The people in your life are not.

It helps to keep this in mind as we relate to one another. We all make mistakes. We all have brilliant moments of insight. And normally, we all fall somewhere in between those two extremes.

“Walk a mile is somebody else’s shoes” before you judge or criticize them. Our life circumstances and our reactions to those situations create our character, our viewpoint about life and our coping skills.

No two people have had the exact same experiences or the exact same reactions to a situation. We each do the best we can to get the love and support we want and to maintain the “illusions” about ourselves that we think define who we are . As my aunt who is in her 80s has been going through the “healing process” associated with her broken leg, she’s told people not to come and visit her. She wants to be alone.

I heard this and it made me uncomfortable since it’s the opposite of how I react to stressful situations. I want people around me when I don’t feel well. I want immediate love, support and soothing words. I tried to put myself in my aunt’s shoes (or shoe as the case may be) and, from her perspective, she wants to be alone as she doesn’t want to admit that she’s not in control of the situation. She doesn’t want to admit to herself that she’s human just like the rest of us. That’s her self-image and she wants to hold on to it, no matter what the cost.

I don’t have a right to change her since her viewpoint is no more right than mine is. Her coping mechanisms are as perfect for her as mine are for me. All I can do is to see beneath the surface and see my aunt’s core. She’s a point of divine love, just as I am. Granted that I wish she’d reveal that more often but it’s there none the same. When I focus only our differing personality traits, we walk in different directions. When I allow the love within my soul to merge with the love within her soul, we can walk together on common ground. For me, that’s the path I choose to follow. My aunt has to choose her own path and I have to allow her to do so, even if it takes her to places that I don’t want to go.

A powerful strategy for effective communication is to first understand the other person. You must go beyond superficial judgments to find something of value with which you can identify and relate. You’ll never completely agree on everything, yet you can almost always find useful and valuable common ground.

Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com, jp@bestcoach4u.com

Success is tedious...

I joined a Success Coaching Circle this week because I believe so much in the value of coaching. The group I joined is helping me to create bold goals (even if I don’t know how they will come about), to focus on a niche market and to do something every week that will lead me in the direction of my goals. This is exactly what I do with my clients and I know it works. Just the fact that my peers are holding me accountable for my actions is a big motivator. It keeps me from being complacent and it gives me a sense of accomplishment. Besides it keeps me in touch with what my clients experience when working with me.

I’ve been on one teleconference this week, listened to several podcasts, defined my bold goals and clarified my niche market. I’ve also created a new tag line – “Solutions for hiring, retaining and creating star performers.” Not bad for less than 72 hours!

My membership in this coaching group keeps me focused on the fact that each day you do something (no matter how small, boring or tedious) to achieve a goal, you're taking a step on the pathway leading to accomplishment and success. Take at least one positive step on a daily basis and make sure your thoughts, feelings and beliefs are focused on achieving your goal and you'll be successful. Celebrate your successes along the way especially if you're aiming towards a long range goal. I’ve become my own best cheerleader and talk to myself – Way to go! I’m proud of you! I’ve also learned to be gentle with myself if I misstep and temporarily leave the path. I just redirect my attention and my energies towards my goals. Success is more an attitude than a single achievement.

Success is often tedious. When we see success in others, it looks exciting and fun. We see someone who is successful in business living in a magnificent house, driving a shiny new car and taking exotic vacations. We see a successful athlete being cheered by the crowd after a winning performance on the playing field. We usually see only the results of success in others.

What we often fail to see and appreciate is how they got there. The person with a successful business has spent many long, boring hours, working late into the night on tasks that no one would consider fun or exciting. The winning athlete has spent day after day on the practice field and in the weight room, laboriously training mind and body.

Those who understand, appreciate and accept that the road to achievement can often be tiresome, those who are willing to do whatever it takes, no matter if it is often tedious and boring, are the ones who will get the reward they seek.

Copyright © 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

The muscles for success

If I went to a gym and attempted to bench press 300 pounds, I could not do it. Just getting me to step foot into a gym would be a Herculean effort. Yet there are many people who can bench press 300 pounds or more. They are able to do this because they have, through weight training and a “can do attitude”, developed the necessary muscle strength to lift that much weight as well as they confidence to actually do it. The only way to develop the muscle strength for lifting heavy weights, is to set the intention to do so and then start lifting lighter weights, and steadily work up to the desired weight.

The same concept applies to any kind of worthwhile accomplishment.  You cannot expect to achieve a big success without first building your own muscles of success. Repeatedly lifting lighter weights will give you the strength to lift heavier weights. Similarly, every challenge you overcome gives you the strength to take on bigger challenges. Before you can be a doctor or lawyer, you must pass tests. Before you can be a certified technician, you must demonstrate your ability to do given tasks. Before you can be a sales person, you must be comfortable talking to people. All the preliminary training of your mental and physical muscles are necessary to prepare you for success. Sorry to burst your bubble but there is no easier way to reach your goals – no fairy dust, magic lamp or magic wand. It’s all up to YOU.

How strong are your muscles of success? Do you train and develop them every day by your willingness to take on tasks that truly challenge you? The strength needed for success in any endeavor is developed by repeatedly and effectively overcoming obstacles.  Take on the challenges, and see how much stronger they make you.

Usually when we are told to exercise, we’re told to “go outside or go to the gym and get some exercise.” I want to suggest that today you go within and exercise your mind. Thoughts precede action. Begin to see and to think about yourself as a success; let go of old and overused negative images about yourself and hold on to the concept that you have skills and abilities to be a success. Start small; just observe how many times during an hour you say negative things about yourself either aloud or in you mind. Then as you get stronger as an observer, increase the intensity of your mental workout by replacing each negative thought with something positive. The stronger your “mental muscle”, the more success you’ll experience.

© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

You can't change the weather

It’s in the low 40s at 8:00 in the morning and I’m bundled up in sweat clothes and eating my warm oatmeal as I type this blog entry.

I love the cool weather since here in Arizona we has so little of it. It feels great to put on a sweater, eat warming foods, gather around a fireplace and being able to be outside during the afternoon without fear of dissolving into a puddle of sweat. It’s also nice to be able to touch the steering wheel in my car without risking 3^rd degree burns and to be able to keep things in the car without fear that they will melt into some unrecognizable form.

It rained yesterday and that was delightful – the sound of the rain on the roof and seeing thirsty vegetation drinking in as much moisture as possible, knowing that it may be a long time between showers since Arizona averages over 300 days of sunlight, some of which is blazing hot. Smelling fresh air and seeing the art show put on by the clouds were also a treat.

I’m savoring every moment, Instead of complaining about the rain or the chilly temperatures, I’m saying prayers of gratitude. Mother Nature is in charge of the weather and she’s more powerful than I am. It would be foolish to try to change the weather and frustrating beyond words. So, I just surrender to whatever is happening outside, knowing it won’t last forever and finding what makes each season special. How boring life would be with weather changes. I experience inner joy when I let go of any tendencies to want to make things different and when I stop myself from complaining about the weather or anything else for that matter.

Being fully present in the moment, makes life so much richer. It adds texture, smells, feelings and beauty to my life. The key for me is to remember there are many things in my life, much like the weather, that are out of my control. That doesn’t mean my life is “worse” or “better” than anyone else’s. It's all about my attitude. I choose to experience all aspects of my life as they occur and expecting to find the sliver lining in the clouds. I appreciate the greatness of every season, experience and person I encounter. It feels so much better than regretting the past or worrying about the future.

I can’t change the weather but I can prepare for it and enjoy life moment to moment to moment in whatever form it takes in my life. As I've said in other blogs, happiness is an inside job.

© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Receiving

I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately – probably because the pain in my arm is still limiting my mobility a bit. I’m so proud of myself when I accomplish a simple task such as washing my hair or putting on just about any piece of clothing. I know I’ll never take the use of my arms for granted.

I’m actually glad my arm is keeping me home and quiet rather than rushing around and feeling that I’ll never be able to get everything checked off my “To Do List”. I’ve had the luxury of time to go within my soul to find my authentic self and to notice how I behave in various situations. I’ve been asking myself one of Dr. Phil McGraw’s questions, “How’s that working for you?”

Some things are working great. I’m listening to my body more. If it’s tired I rest rather than override the need for my arm to be still. I ask for help more often and actually gratefully receive it and I am now recovering “people pleaser.”

What I noticed is that people always wanted to talk or to do something with me when they needed something whether it was an ear to listen to their problems, a coach to help them with a business or relationship problem or a body to go someplace with them because they didn’t want to go alone. I noticed that when I chose no longer to constantly give to other, often at my own expense, those friendships slipped away. And, guess what? I am actually happier. The energy I was investing in them, I now could invest in myself. I’m also learning to value and appreciate myself more. I don’t have to be a “people pleaser” to have friends because those relationships were so one-sided. I now prefer to be by myself rather than listening to people complain about things – sometimes for years – and never doing anything to improve the situation.

I’ve finally matured enough that I can say “no” without feeling guilty. I realized that the person who wanted me to do something would find somebody else to please them. I also realized that that same person often thought nothing of saying “no” to me when I asked for help or a favor or just an open heart who’d listened without judgment.

Giving and receiving are the flip side of the same coin. If I find that I’m either always giving or always receiving, the relationship isn’t healthy. “It’s not working for me.” Then I get to decide what I want to do next. If somebody is going to be uncomfortable, no longer will it always be me.

© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Taking things for granted

At about 2:15 pm, while I was setting up some automatic bill pay accounts, the electricity went off in my apartment and in half of the entire complex. My computer didn’t work. I couldn’t listen to music or watch TV. My stove, microwave and refrigerator became useless. My cordless phone was silent. If I washed my hair, I would have to let it air dry since neither my blower dryer or straightening iron could be used. I didn’t have any light to read by or even to locate things in my closet. I was shocked at how much I take electricity for granted. It’s always “there” and I’ve come to take it for granted.

As soon as I realized the power would be off for a bit, I went around the apartment and lit candles and located flashlights. I loved the look of my apartment bathed in candle light. I reminded myself that I didn’t have to wait until the electricity went out to use candles. Anytime I want a change of atmosphere, I can light one, two or a dozen candles and enjoy their glow. Because I was focusing on how pretty things looked, I wasn’t concerned about how long the power would be off and I didn’t head straight for fearful thoughts. I stayed focused on enjoying the moment.

A bit later when I called the utility company to report the outage, Brenda, the customer service rep for APS, was very apologetic and helpful. At the end of our conversation, I said that instead of being upset that the power is off, we should all be happy for all the times the power is on. Brenda was surprised at this comment because when people call to report an outage they rarely use their “Sunday best manners”.

I sincerely felt gratitude for all the things that are possible because of electricity and how lucky we are to have such reliable service. I’ve been without power only a few times since I’ve lived in Arizona and the electric company got the system back online very quickly – even when we were in the midst of one of our monsoons or our scorching summer days. Brenda said I made her day.

Within less than 2 hours, the electricity was working again. I’m glad I experienced the outage because it reminded me of all the things I take for granted. I’ll never look at electric appliance again without being thankful for how much easier it makes my life.

Taking it a step further, I wonder how many other things, events or people I take for granted. I think I’ll sit in my candlelit living room and mull that idea over for a while. I’m sure I have many blessings to count.

© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS and Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Your new life starts now...

Happy birthday!  As the saying goes, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" so it’s a day for celebration. You are born anew today. The past is over and the future is yet to come. There is only now.

Your new life starts today. You’ve been put in charge of it. You’ve been given complete control. It is fresh and new, waiting to be broken in. How it turns out is now up to you. Your choices and beliefs create your reality.

Today you have a blank slate. There are no limitations on how you can use this day. And don’t worry, you can’t make a mistake because if you don’t like today you’ll have another “birthday” tomorrow when you can make different choices, if you so desire. No choice is better than another is; it’s just different and leads to different experiences. Experiences are neutral; it’s our judgmental mind that determines if a choice is good or bad. Remember, “looks can be deceiving.” Some of my best days would look horrific from an outsider’s perspective but they were fantastic for me. For example, when I was finally able to feed myself with a minimum of pain after having injured my arm months earlier and been more or less limited to drinking my meals. This was a triumphant day for me but somebody else might have experienced it as a horrible day because they felt pain.

The clock is running now. Your day has already begun. Though it seems today that you have plenty of time, the minutes will pass quickly, so take care not to squander them. Yes, there’s plenty of time, but not enough to waste.

This is your life. It’s not a test or a trial run. It’s the real thing, and it is here. It is a magnificent opportunity, and one which will not wait. This is your birthday. See it. Imagine it. Live it. Enjoy it.  Make it great.

What do you want to do differently? Do you want to change the way you respond when you're angry, frustrated, disappointed or upset? Do you want to find more things for which you're grateful? Do you want to find more time to spend curled up with a good book or having heart-to- heart conversations with the important people in your life? Do you want to go back to school or change careers or plant a garden? Decide what you want to accomplish and then "just do it." Take the first step towards reaching the outcome you desire.

Each choice you make determines how you experience today, tomorrow and the future. Expect it to be a wonderful life filled with innumerable days and countless awe-inspiring people, places and events. Act according to that belief and, 365 days later when you reflect back on the year, that's just what you will have experienced. The quality of your life depends upon your choices from moment to moment to moment. Happy birthday dear soul. What do you want to do now?

© 2007 Joanne P. Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Add joy to life...

The “secret” Law of Attraction is all the rage today. People look at it as a way to manifest what they want in their lives. The process does work as long as your beliefs are in harmony with what you want to manifest. What people who first learn about the Law of Attraction sometimes forget is it’s our thoughts and feelings that attract things to us. The universe always answers “Yes” to our feelings. If I constantly complain about how much weight I have to lose, the universe will answer “Yes” and I will continue to hold onto those unwanted pounds. The body would just be following my “orders”. If, on the other hand, I talk about all the things I have to be grateful for and that feeling of gratitude pours forth from my heart, the universe will answer “Yes” but this time it will give me more things to appreciated. It’s my positive emotion that will attract the positive experiences into my life.

The key to having more of what you want in your life is to focus on your thoughts, feelings and actions. Make sure your thoughts and feelings match the results you want. If you want positive results, you have to feel, act and talk positively. If you want more things to worry about, focus on limitation, lack, illness or any other negative.

Add joy to life and you’ll experience more joy. What can you do today to add joy to your own life, to the lives of others, or to the world at large? Can you smile at a stranger, let somebody in front of you in the grocery store line if they only have a few items an you have a huge basket of groceries or compliment a family member on how well they did something. If your are expressing joy, you can’t also be angry because you can only focus on one emotion at a time and you get to choose which emotion that’s going to be.

To the extent that you add true, unencumbered joy to your own life, you more fully become the unique and valuable person that you are.  And the joy that you add to the lives of others, comes back to you over and over again.

What makes you tingle with pure delight? What can you do right now to experience that joy? How can you spread it to others? Find a way, and you’ve tapped a powerful force that will bring abundant rewards.

Living with joy honors and affirms the priceless value of life. Celebrate and make the most of each moment by living and giving joy and you will truly know the secret to living a happier life.

© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS& Associates. All rights reserved.

Frustration

Have you ever wondered why you get frustrated? Of course, there are many different situations which lead to frustration.

But why frustration? Why do we get frustrated? Why do we even have that emotion in our repertoire? It is certainly not pleasant. So what is the point of frustration?

Frustration focuses us. No matter what triggers the frustration, the purpose for frustration to stimulate positive action. If we had no capacity for frustration, we would have to constantly endure those negative factors. But frustration gives us a way out.

Frustration comes when the reality of life does not match our vision.

There are, basically, two ways to end frustration—either by giving up the vision or by making it a reality. Giving up is only a short term solution, because our true vision does not easily give up.

In your frustration, you can see your vision. And in your frustration, is the energy to attain that vision. Feel the frustration. Be thankful for it. Learn what it can teach you about yourself. And let it spur you into positive, life-changing action.

Sand irritating an oyster is what creates a pearl. Frustration with the way something is done is what causes