JPS & Associates ... helping you master change

Two powerful words -- THANK YOU

I haven't been blogging for several months because I have been dealing with family and personal health challenges/"learning opportunities." I've been in contact with family members, state agencies, the phone company, social workers, caregivers, and numerous other people. I've been bounced from one person to another and had to wait on hold for what felt like eons but in reality was only minutes. The longer I had to wait the more impatient I became. That's when I had my "light bulb moment.

Does this ring a bell with you?

I'm back... I haven't been near my computer for months, except to check emails so I haven't been posting blog entries. I've been in what I describe as "swirling mode" -- I'm still jettisoning lots of "stuff" (beliefs, feelings, goals) through the centrifugal force caused by spinning. It's feels like I am experiencing a "Spring cleaning" for the soul after what seems like a very "dark and stormy night of the soul". I'm still swirling but the velocity and intensity has lessen greatly; probably because I embraced the process instead of trying to run away from it. I'm giving myself permission to let the process continue as long as necessary to rid myself of any negativity from the past so that it doesn't come with me into the present or the future.

Lot's of things have been taking place at once: my mother had emergency hip surgery and my sister and I have to find a place for her to live since she may not be able to return home, my downstairs neighbor died, my next door neighbor had a concussion and severe asthma attacks so I helped with her kids, and I took a nasty tumble injuring my "good arm" as well as re-injuring my other arm. The list could go on but I think you get the point. Lots of "yucky stuff" going on in my life at the same time. During all of this, friends really showed up to help me. They brought food, did errands, gifted me with money and had meals delivered to my apartment. I was and still am very grateful. Because my basic needs were provided for, I was able to help others. I gave words of encouragement, shared ideas, listened with an open heart and did whatever else I could to "do unto others as was done unto me." No matter what was going on, I looked for the gift in the situation and there were many. It really did feel as good to give as it did to receive!

Below is one of my surprise gifts. It's a word-for-word copy of an email that was sent to me by Jeannette M. Jackson with the intention of providing me with encouragement. I've never meet this woman and she sent this to me in response to an email of encouragement I sent her when I learned of all the challenges she'd experienced. I was so touched by her generosity of spirit that I decided, with her permission, to share her true experience with others. It's theme is to see the gifts in everything. Even if it is what we humans would perceive as initially a "bad thing."

This little roller coaster started a couple of weeks ago. I actually had a day off and pulled into the parking lot of the Target on Camelback and 11th Avenue. I initially thought I was going to go and buy some plants at their garden center and enjoy some gardening on my day off. I was sitting there waiting to turn into the parking lot...traffic is really bad there because of the light rail construction. Then I looked to my left and off to the side of the road was this beautiful cat lying there motionless. Something kept sparkling around its neck. My soul felt heavy. I knew it must be someones beloved pet, or they would not have put such a sparkly collar on it.

So I went into the garden center and asked the clerk if she had a box I could have. She said she could box up any plants when I got to the check-out stand. I then told her it was for the cat. I told her that it looked like the cat had been recently hit and I was going to go and see if it had an I.D. charm, so I could call the owner. She quickly gave me a box and some plastic bags. I just know that if something happened to one of my cats and they got out of the house, I would want someone to make an effort to call me.

Well I got to the cat and gently turned the collar around and around and no I.D. The something shining was little gold bell. So I knew this cat must have liked to sneak out, or they would not have put a bell on him. I have a boy cat that looks a lot like the cat that got hit...just younger and smaller. He was named St. Christopher, because he likes to sneak out all of the time and St. Christopher is the Saint for the travelers. My neighbors named him.

I knew the cat that had been hit was a boy, because he had not been fixed. I gently picked up his body and put him in the box. Then I called the non-emergency police number, because I did not know where to take him to get him scanned to see if he had a micro chip. The officer said to call the Humane Society and they would send someone to pick him up. I told her I could not leave him in the street and that I would take him to the Humane Society. I called them and they gave me their location.

I found myself talking to the cat and praying that his owners would have a healing from him transitioning. I told him that is was OK to go back to God. That his job was done here and that his owners are thankful for the love that he brought into their lives. Anyone would have thought I was crazy talking to a dead cat!

I went to the Humane Society and they scanned his still warm body. No microchip. I then asked her if she would write down a really good description of him including his black collar with shiny gold bell. She said she would and they would keep the description on file for three days (just in case someone called looking for him). She said it was rare that anyone would pick up the cat and that normally people call and have them pick up the animals off of the road. She said that his little head was hit really hard and probably did not suffer for very long. I wondered if the person that hit him knew that they had hit him. She said they probably thought it was a rock, because of all of the construction.

I know that God brought that little guy with the golden bell to me to prepare me to help my neighbors and friends these last couple of weeks. My heart was so heavy after I left the cat. I cried all the way home. I thought my friends and family would think that I crazy for crying and feeling such sorrow over a cat that was not even mine. Then I realized who cares what anyone would think about me. I don't think I have ever been understood since the age of 10. It just does not matter. What does matter is that day that cat was an affirmation for everything that I believe in...it just took a reminder to prepare me for the future.

Because of that cat I have been rock for those that have needed me lately. It was an affirmation to always honor and respect all living and dead beings. To treat everything with love and kindness, because there really is no death. I told my mother about what had happened. She did not laugh at me, or make fun of me. She said that I should share the golden bell story with people who might need to hear the bell ring themselves. So you are the second person I am sharing it with. It would not surprise me if that cat's little gold bell rang all the way to heaven!

Anyway, these last few days strength, faith and a thankful heart have helped me help my friends and loved ones. When anyone gets really down or is tired, for some reason I have known just the right thing to say. Even when I kept going back forth to the hospital to see friends and family members, I knew exactly what to bring to make each person feel more loved and comfortable. I would get there and they would say...wow Jeanette how did you know that I needed that right now. Daisy the mother to Nate who was in the hospital kept saying "you have such a heart of gold".

Maybe that is my little gold bell and maybe that will help the angels find me when it is time to go back home. Bottom line-- we all have a heart of gold. Each of us has challenges and even though we do the challenges can never be too great to find love to share with someone else. So "when you hear a bell an angel gets their wings really is an understatement." Maybe when we hear a bell...it means for us to open our hearts of love to everyone.

Live each moment as if it were your last

When it rains, it pours. I just got off the phone with the husband of a long-time friend named Paula. She hasn't been answering my emails so I called to see if she retired. She was really looking forward to doing that and then to do all the things she'd put off until she no longer was employed. One of those things was coming to spend some time with me in Arizona . When I talked to her husband, David, I found out she had a stroke and has the mental capacity of a 1 year old. She was one of the brightest and most creative women I know. I told David to give her a big kiss for me. She just turned 65. What she's experiencing shows the importance of living in the moment since we don't know what the next moment will bring. I haven't been blogging recently because the last few months have reinforced the importance of living in the moment and appreciating everything. Just let go of anger, grudges, hurt feelings, judgments and anything else that keeps you from experiencing happiness in this very moment. Things have been even more challenging for me recently. Hard to believe... but it's true. Here are just some of the things that have happened in the last few weeks. They are in no particular order and just meant to show you that no matter what you're experiencing somebody is experiencing even more. I've had several other opportunities to learn that lesson over the last month or so.  As you may know, I'm recovering from two serious injuries -- both of which left my body in pain and in healing mode. My most recent fall was 2 weeks ago when, while running to get the phone, I tripped and slammed my head, arm and other body parts on a doorframe. Trying to break the fall, I've re-injured the arm that's been "talking to me for almost a year."  It's difficult for me to sit, stand, walk and do much of anything. Guess God wants me to stay in one place so we stay connected. Oh, I also broke a tooth and yesterday I had a crown. Normally going to the dentist isn't one of my favorite things to do but yesterday it was actually a pleasant respite from everything else I'm dealing with. I'm proud of myself for dealing with one thing at a time, crying when I felt the need and then looking for the positive gift each event was giving me. There were many. I haven't worked in about a year because of my initial arm injury. I can't drive and need to rest every few hours so my back doesn't go into painful spasms. Because I am single, self-supporting and my coaching/consulting practice is temporarily on hiatus, I'm in huge financial debt and have a total of $800 to my name. I was able to pay my rent for May but have asked God to provide me with all the funds I need for living expenses and to pay off a huge amount of credit card debt. The good news is that I'm going to be on an international Internet radio show on May 26 and it's my intention that my appearance generates income. The best news is that I'm not worrying about these things and just doing "belly breathing" to stay in the moment and to stay calm. It's working. On top of everything else, my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital on Thursday night when her hip gave way as she was getting up from a chair. She had major surgery and a rod was put into her hip late Saturday evening. About 6 PM Sunday night, I was able to talk with her for the first time.  She sounded groggy and she recognized me. She wondered how I knew about the surgery since she lives in California and hadn't told anybody about her fall. Her property manager called my sister, who lives in California , and my sister called me. When I was finally able to talk with my mom, she said she wanted to eat something so that's a good sign and she wasn't aware if it was 6 in the morning or the evening. That's how she always is when she gets up from a long nap. In actuality, she sounded just the way she always does when I wake her up from one of her naps when I call. I was able to tell her that I love her and that's what I really wanted to do. Now it's a wait and see game. Now I'm coordinating short-term and long-term care for my mom and this all has to be done over the phone. I've had her moved into the same convalescent facility that her sister is in while she’s recovering from a broken leg. They are at opposite sides of the facility (which is a good thing for my mom's sanity) but at least they are near each other. Unless things radically improve and my mom regains her sight as well as her mobility, my sister and I are going to have to go to LA to close my mother's apartment because we don't think she'll be ever able to return or, if she does, she'll need 24/7 nursing help. We paid her rent though June and then it we'll have a better idea about what the next steps have to be. This possibility is very emotional for my sister and me. My mom has lived in the same place for over 30 years -- twenty years after my dad's death. I'm still in healing mode myself and can't drive right without pain so two days ago I had neighbors drop my car off for service.  $600 later and my car should be great for the drive to LA. I'm going to drive as soon as I can sit for a long period of time because I want to start taking some of my mom's things home with me. Even if she does return home, there is no reason for her to save her bowling ball, thirty year old candles that are still in their original plastic wrappers, golf clubs, bowling trophies, a set of World Book Encyclopedias from the 60, a doll I got when I was on television about 40 years ago, hasn't worn in years and will never wear. My sister, who lives in San Luis Obispo, and I want to start the de cluttering process prior to my mom's death so we don't go into overwhelm when it happens. Because my mom is diabetic and feisty, we can't predict how much longer she'll be with us but we know these things will need to be done eventually. I want to start doing them before she actually dies -- because it will be easier for me and so she can make her wishes known. Basically, God must think I'm super woman because of all that I'm dealing with and I have no family in Arizona and only three family members in CA. I've come to the point where I'm on financial aid for my insurance but can't qualify for SSI until a year after my initial arm injury and then I'll have to go through a battery of tests. I've even done something that was very hard for me -- I told people that I need morale support, prayers, phone calls or cards as well as gifts of money and help doing marketing and cleaning. I am very independent and it's easy for me to offer help to other but difficult to ask for help for myself. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. I was so grateful that some of my neighbors brought me food, did errands for me and a former client had 4 dinners sent to my house so I don't have to cook and to make sure I eat balanced meals and the husband of my best friend in Arizona (who died about 18 months ago) brought over some frozen dinners from a cafe that we like that's near my apartment. I've gotten through tough times before but never had to deal with so much as once. All I can do is to take one day at a time and to look for the positives in ALL situations. I know there is a positive aspect to all of this and to find it I have to stay focused on what's happening in this moment. I have to let got of worry about the future or recriminations about the past. I now make sure I say "I love you", stop and smell the roses, stay in contact with friends who live in different parts of the world and appreciate the beauty of every sunrise and sunset. I don't want to waste a precious moment of the limited amount of time we have on the school called planet earth. By paying attention to the good things that are happening, my attracting even more good things into my life and I am very grateful for it all. I even have the buckets ready when money starts pouring from heaven. 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

6 Steps to a Happier Life

The following equation really summarizes what needs to take place if you want to make any lasting changes in your life. It looks easy on paper but there's a lot of work that needs to take place behind the scenes. If you change any part of the equation, you change your life – either for the better or the worse.

Beliefs + Choices (Goals) + Actions + Determination + Persistence – doubts = your reality.

Let's take a look at some parts of the equation from the vantage point of an eagle.

1.   Beliefs are the results of events or what we are taught as children. They are not true or false. They need to be looked at to see if they are getting you closer to the life you want or keeping it away from you. You might have been believe "you'll never amount to anything" because that's what your dad always said about you. If you examine that belief, you'll be able to determine if it's true now. You'll be able to list all your accomplishments and you'll be able to consciously let go of that negative belief that does nothing to improve the quality of your life.

2.   We always have 2 choices – yes or no. We may have forgotten that fact but it's still true. Awareness (knowing something is possible) gives us the power to make new and better choices. No matter what we decide, we need to accept responsibility for our choices if we don't want to be a perpetual victim. If your mind says yes, check in with your gut to see if it agrees. Our intuition is located within our body, not our mind so when follow your feelings since they don't have an ego attachment to the results.

3.   Change starts with the intention to do something differently. Nothing changes until some action is taken. I can set the intention that I'm going to lose 10 pounds but until I decrease my calorie intake and increase my expenditure of energy, the number on the bathroom scale isn't going to budge.

4.   Determination (consistently focusing your attention and intention) to achieve or get something you really want. You must really want the change in every cell of your being. If you're not committed to the new result, you won't achieve it. If your spouse wants you to stop smoking but you don't want to quit, no amount of determination will turn you into a non-smoker. YOU have to want the result because it's of value to you.

5.   Persistence means keep moving forward towards your objective no matter how long it takes to manifest, what other people say about your idea and it may mean taking baby steps until you're ready to sprint to the finish line. Don't give up because the answer to your prayer may be just minutes away from coming to you.

6.   Doubts are the result of lack of trust in God, oneself or both. They can come from outside or inside influences. When launching a new idea, don't share it with people who will throw cold water on your red-hot idea. Find people who will cheer you on when your momentum is lagging a bit. If every inventor listened to and was influenced by any "doubting Thomas's", we wouldn't have made so much progress.

We've just covered the basics of the equation at a high level. To actually apply the equation to improve your life, you might consider hiring a professional success coach to help you look at any limiting beliefs that may be buried inside your brain. A coach would also make sure you take action and, because you want to get your money's worth from the coaching relationship, you'll get faster result working in partnership with a coach than you would on your own. Hiring a coach is your commitment to yourself that you really do want to change and that's the first step in having a happier, healthier and more successful life.

© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

It all comes back...

Lift up someone’s spirit today, and it will lift your own. Provide other people with value today, and you will increase your wealth.  Spend a little while teaching someone, and you will learn something new.

Praise the work of another today, and you will be admired. Send out your love and love will come to you. Offer encouragement to those around you, and you’ll be more encouraged. Help others to enjoy the sunlight, and it will shine more brightly on you.

Comfort those who suffer, and your own pain will be eased. Expect the best of others, and they’ll see the best in you. Offer your support to the world, and the world will champion your cause. Live with passion and purpose, and the best things in life will find their way to you.

Today you can have, you can be, you can do whatever you’re willing to give of yourself.

Copyright © 1999 Ralph S.  Marston, Jr.

This is exactly how I've been living my life for the past 2 years. I've been trusting that the universe provides for those that provide for the universe. So far it's worked well. When I lost my job, I thought I only had enough resources to last a few months but somehow they've lasted years. I haven't missed a meal or failed to pay a bill. Granted I have had to use my credit card to help build my business but I saw it as an investment in myself.

I'm happier now than I was when I was the Human Resources Manager for a connector manufacturer. I no longer take anybody for granted…myself or others. I focus on gratitude and on helping others to achieve their goals. I smile at strangers, give compliments freely and do random acts of kindness. I help friends with their problems, offer words of encouragement to people who are in crisis and give my time to support arts organizations (things that nourish my soul). I like the way I feel when I do these things, when I have a positive attitude about the purpose of my life.

My faith in the principle that everything comes back is currently being tested. I'm now in a situation when I'm looking for the "pay off". I'm willing to receive support from the universe so that I can pay my rent, pay my health and car insurance and all my other bills as well as to have enough discretionary income to travel and to do things that nourish my soul. I guess the doubting Thomas in me is still doing things in the hopes of getting something in return rather than being "unconditional" when I do something.

I'm not sure how to make that leap of faith to trusting 100% that all my needs will be provided for in some way while I have my own fears. I really need God's help right now to find the right niche for me to receive money and other things that show I'm valued and appreciated. I'm now eagerly awaiting to see how my prayers will be answered and how my good works will be rewarded. In my mind, I KNOW they will, that knowledge just hasn't made its way into my heart or my body. I'm willing to have that happen.

I choose to be a teacher of universal principles and I'm now getting the opportunity to "walk my talk." I'm making conscious choices about how I invest my time, talents and resources. I've decided to take care of myself first and to love myself and then to share what I learn with others. This is all part of a process and I'm delighted that, by sharing my own journey in my blog, readers are benefiting. That makes me feel great and I wouldn’t change any of my experiences since they have been of benefit to me and others. It all really does come back!

© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. www.jpstein.org All rights reserved.

What does spiritualilty in the workplace mean?

The Secret, also known as the Law of Attraction, has many people interested in applying spiritual principles in all areas of their life. Many people confuse religion with spirituality and, therefore believe that spirituality doesn't apply to the workplace. I disagree. Maybe after you read my definition of spirituality, you'll agree with me. But, if you don't, that's OK.

What does spirituality in the workplace mean? For me it means many things.  It means:

·    viewing what I do at work in a higher context;

·    seeing how what I do impacts not only me, but my colleagues, my customers, my  company my industry, my community and my environment;

·    doing things proactively to make my company a better place for the current employees and the ones that will come on board later;

·    taking full responsibility for my actions and my "in-actions" – no excuses , no 
finger pointing;

·     telling my truth, having integrity and being authentic;

·     continuous, life-long learning – whether it's acquiring new skills, increasing my self-knowledge or exploring new ideas;

·    communicating from my heart rather than my ego and having others do the same;

·    expressing gratitude and appreciation openly and often;

·    making conscious choices to do what's morally and ethically right every moment of every day;

·     giving honest feedback in such a way as to maintain someone else's self-esteem;

·     being open-minded as well as non-judgmental and treating everyone with respect no matter what their job title, their race, their religion, their gender or their income bracket;

·     encouraging everyone to creatively solve their problems, and then unleashing their creativity to other arenas of the business and the community;

·    and realizing that change is the only constant in life.

In other words, spirituality in the workplace means going beyond just "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you."  It's about focusing on the quality of our lives and realizing that we're all interconnected.  It's about knowing that you can reach your goals only by serving others as best as you can, and helping others achieve their goals.  Successful businesses, and successful relationships in general, are built upon service to others.

© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com, www.jpstein.org 

Pay Attention

Happiness is not the result of favorable conditions. That’s backwards. Favorable conditions result from happiness. So what does it take to be happy? Nothing more than a willingness to be happy and to pay attention to what’s going well in your life.

Happiness comes from the way you respond to life. There are people who have every reason to be miserable, but who still live with happiness and joy. Everyone has challenges and everyone has disappointments. Yet they do not have to get you down. True happiness comes not from the absence of problems but in spite of the problems. Happiness is not a reaction, it is a choice.

For more than nine months, I have had a challenge using my right arm. Up until last week, I couldn’t raise it higher than my waist. Now I can raise it to shoulder level. There has not been one minute of one day that I haven’t been in pain.

I haven’t let that stop me. I’ve felt the pain, limited my activities when necessary, done things that gave me joy and looked for the gift in the situation with my arm. The biggest gift is that I learned to put myself first in the equation of life rather than at the bottom of the list. I’ve also learned that strangers can be very kind, friends can give of themselves and their time and that I’m worthy of receiving. By paying attention, I realized that I don’t have to do anything, I just have to be the best me I can be and my world is a happier place. I’ve also learned to listen to my intuition and to pay attention to my body. I no longer force it to do anything that it doesn’t feel capable of doing. I ask for help instead.

When you look at the world through the fog of your own worries, your anger, your frustration and impatience, many valuable things will just pass you by, completely unnoticed.

Imagine driving through town while someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you going to notice the new flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your focus will be on that gun.

Are you holding a gun to your own head, by constantly focusing on what’s wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed with your own problems that you don’t see the opportunities all around you?

Your attention can be effectively focused on only one thing at a time. Sure you have problems and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is the value of agonizing over them?

Pay attention to what’s good about your life. Rather than worrying about what you don’t have, seek to make the best of all the good things you do have. There are a lot of things right with your life. Give your attention to them and they will grow.

© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com

Common ground...

Do you know any person who is perfectly right all the time? The fact is no one is ever completely right or completely wrong all the time. I’m certainly not. You are not. The people in your life are not.

It helps to keep this in mind as we relate to one another. We all make mistakes. We all have brilliant moments of insight. And normally, we all fall somewhere in between those two extremes.

“Walk a mile is somebody else’s shoes” before you judge or criticize them. Our life circumstances and our reactions to those situations create our character, our viewpoint about life and our coping skills.

No two people have had the exact same experiences or the exact same reactions to a situation. We each do the best we can to get the love and support we want and to maintain the “illusions” about ourselves that we think define who we are . As my aunt who is in her 80s has been going through the “healing process” associated with her broken leg, she’s told people not to come and visit her. She wants to be alone.

I heard this and it made me uncomfortable since it’s the opposite of how I react to stressful situations. I want people around me when I don’t feel well. I want immediate love, support and soothing words. I tried to put myself in my aunt’s shoes (or shoe as the case may be) and, from her perspective, she wants to be alone as she doesn’t want to admit that she’s not in control of the situation. She doesn’t want to admit to herself that she’s human just like the rest of us. That’s her self-image and she wants to hold on to it, no matter what the cost.

I don’t have a right to change her since her viewpoint is no more right than mine is. Her coping mechanisms are as perfect for her as mine are for me. All I can do is to see beneath the surface and see my aunt’s core. She’s a point of divine love, just as I am. Granted that I wish she’d reveal that more often but it’s there none the same. When I focus only our differing personality traits, we walk in different directions. When I allow the love within my soul to merge with the love within her soul, we can walk together on common ground. For me, that’s the path I choose to follow. My aunt has to choose her own path and I have to allow her to do so, even if it takes her to places that I don’t want to go.

A powerful strategy for effective communication is to first understand the other person. You must go beyond superficial judgments to find something of value with which you can identify and relate. You’ll never completely agree on everything, yet you can almost always find useful and valuable common ground.

Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com, jp@bestcoach4u.com

Life is a privilege, not a punishment

When you’re tempted to give in to anger, resentment, self-pity, envy, or other feelings of negativity, remember this: life is a privilege, not a punishment.

Think of how a tiny insect acts to save its own life when injured or threatened. Consider the compelling wisdom in that instinct for self- preservation. Life is precious to the living, no matter how seemingly insignificant. It is a privilege worth preserving and nurturing.

I have an 80 year old aunt who is currently in a convalescent hospital recovering from breaking her leg for the second time. Ever since I can remember, she’s always whined, complained, assumed the role of victim and generally been miserable. She’s always acted as if life was a punishment to be endured rather than a blessing to be enjoyed. And, she’s not a fun person to be around and never has been.

My aunt’s health issue and her continuous complaining reminded me of several important lessons. First, it reminded me to live in the moment because no one (no matter how young or how old) knows exactly how many moments they have left. Second, it reminded me to say all the loving and kind things aloud that we just assume people know. Whatever you'd regret not having said after somebody dies, say it now. People like to hear "thank you", "I love you", "I appreciate the extra effort you put into that project." It also will make your feel great. On the flip side, whatever petty grievances or grudges you're holding onto, let go of them now. Why hold onto those negative feelings for one more day? Does being right really mean more to you than being happy? How do you really feel deep down in your guts when you're harboring negative feelings towards another? Is your perceived victory really worth the price?

My aunt’s broken leg reminded me of a third lesson. As long as you're alive you can make a contribution to somebody's life. My aunt could be making her nurses’ workdays more enjoyable or be bringing a smile to another patient’s face. Instead she’s doing the opposite and wondering why the staff at the hospital isn’t “jumping at her command”.

Be necessary. That doesn't mean being co-dependent or playing the martyr. It means making the world a better place because you're alive and that can be done by such simple acts as smiling at strangers or letting somebody in front of you in the grocery store. The more necessary you make yourself, the more successful and the happier you’ll be in this world.

How many lives can you improve today? What can you do that will make the most difference for the most people? What special thing do you have to offer, and how can you get others to benefit from it?

No matter what kind of work you do or what your age, there is always the opportunity for you to make a difference. All you have to do is to focus on the positive, smile, truly listen to other people from a loving space inside your heart rather than from a judgment place inside your head, and you become a healing agent for the planet. You play a very important role. There are really no menial jobs, and there are no magnificent jobs. It is the person doing the work who gives that work value. It is the desire and ability to effectively serve others that brings about success and happiness.

Every day, in every situation, make yourself necessary. Seek out ways to offer a meaningful contribution. Enthusiastically place yourself in the service of others. That is the attitude which leads to success. That is the pathway of accomplishment, wealth, and excellence. Be necessary, make a positive difference, and you will enjoy your life more and you will leave a wonderful legacy for all whose lives you have touched.

You’re not a victim. You’re a miracle. You have precious life, and it is magnificent. Keep that in mind, and live it accordingly. Life is a privilege, not a punishment. Think about that. Look at your attitude, consider your actions, from the perspective that life is indeed a privilege. Why would you ever want to complain about anything?

© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

You can't change the weather

It’s in the low 40s at 8:00 in the morning and I’m bundled up in sweat clothes and eating my warm oatmeal as I type this blog entry.

I love the cool weather since here in Arizona we has so little of it. It feels great to put on a sweater, eat warming foods, gather around a fireplace and being able to be outside during the afternoon without fear of dissolving into a puddle of sweat. It’s also nice to be able to touch the steering wheel in my car without risking 3^rd degree burns and to be able to keep things in the car without fear that they will melt into some unrecognizable form.

It rained yesterday and that was delightful – the sound of the rain on the roof and seeing thirsty vegetation drinking in as much moisture as possible, knowing that it may be a long time between showers since Arizona averages over 300 days of sunlight, some of which is blazing hot. Smelling fresh air and seeing the art show put on by the clouds were also a treat.

I’m savoring every moment, Instead of complaining about the rain or the chilly temperatures, I’m saying prayers of gratitude. Mother Nature is in charge of the weather and she’s more powerful than I am. It would be foolish to try to change the weather and frustrating beyond words. So, I just surrender to whatever is happening outside, knowing it won’t last forever and finding what makes each season special. How boring life would be with weather changes. I experience inner joy when I let go of any tendencies to want to make things different and when I stop myself from complaining about the weather or anything else for that matter.

Being fully present in the moment, makes life so much richer. It adds texture, smells, feelings and beauty to my life. The key for me is to remember there are many things in my life, much like the weather, that are out of my control. That doesn’t mean my life is “worse” or “better” than anyone else’s. It's all about my attitude. I choose to experience all aspects of my life as they occur and expecting to find the sliver lining in the clouds. I appreciate the greatness of every season, experience and person I encounter. It feels so much better than regretting the past or worrying about the future.

I can’t change the weather but I can prepare for it and enjoy life moment to moment to moment in whatever form it takes in my life. As I've said in other blogs, happiness is an inside job.

© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Taking things for granted

At about 2:15 pm, while I was setting up some automatic bill pay accounts, the electricity went off in my apartment and in half of the entire complex. My computer didn’t work. I couldn’t listen to music or watch TV. My stove, microwave and refrigerator became useless. My cordless phone was silent. If I washed my hair, I would have to let it air dry since neither my blower dryer or straightening iron could be used. I didn’t have any light to read by or even to locate things in my closet. I was shocked at how much I take electricity for granted. It’s always “there” and I’ve come to take it for granted.

As soon as I realized the power would be off for a bit, I went around the apartment and lit candles and located flashlights. I loved the look of my apartment bathed in candle light. I reminded myself that I didn’t have to wait until the electricity went out to use candles. Anytime I want a change of atmosphere, I can light one, two or a dozen candles and enjoy their glow. Because I was focusing on how pretty things looked, I wasn’t concerned about how long the power would be off and I didn’t head straight for fearful thoughts. I stayed focused on enjoying the moment.

A bit later when I called the utility company to report the outage, Brenda, the customer service rep for APS, was very apologetic and helpful. At the end of our conversation, I said that instead of being upset that the power is off, we should all be happy for all the times the power is on. Brenda was surprised at this comment because when people call to report an outage they rarely use their “Sunday best manners”.

I sincerely felt gratitude for all the things that are possible because of electricity and how lucky we are to have such reliable service. I’ve been without power only a few times since I’ve lived in Arizona and the electric company got the system back online very quickly – even when we were in the midst of one of our monsoons or our scorching summer days. Brenda said I made her day.

Within less than 2 hours, the electricity was working again. I’m glad I experienced the outage because it reminded me of all the things I take for granted. I’ll never look at electric appliance again without being thankful for how much easier it makes my life.

Taking it a step further, I wonder how many other things, events or people I take for granted. I think I’ll sit in my candlelit living room and mull that idea over for a while. I’m sure I have many blessings to count.

© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS and Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Your new life starts now...

Happy birthday!  As the saying goes, "Today is the first day of the rest of your life" so it’s a day for celebration. You are born anew today. The past is over and the future is yet to come. There is only now.

Your new life starts today. You’ve been put in charge of it. You’ve been given complete control. It is fresh and new, waiting to be broken in. How it turns out is now up to you. Your choices and beliefs create your reality.

Today you have a blank slate. There are no limitations on how you can use this day. And don’t worry, you can’t make a mistake because if you don’t like today you’ll have another “birthday” tomorrow when you can make different choices, if you so desire. No choice is better than another is; it’s just different and leads to different experiences. Experiences are neutral; it’s our judgmental mind that determines if a choice is good or bad. Remember, “looks can be deceiving.” Some of my best days would look horrific from an outsider’s perspective but they were fantastic for me. For example, when I was finally able to feed myself with a minimum of pain after having injured my arm months earlier and been more or less limited to drinking my meals. This was a triumphant day for me but somebody else might have experienced it as a horrible day because they felt pain.

The clock is running now. Your day has already begun. Though it seems today that you have plenty of time, the minutes will pass quickly, so take care not to squander them. Yes, there’s plenty of time, but not enough to waste.

This is your life. It’s not a test or a trial run. It’s the real thing, and it is here. It is a magnificent opportunity, and one which will not wait. This is your birthday. See it. Imagine it. Live it. Enjoy it.  Make it great.

What do you want to do differently? Do you want to change the way you respond when you're angry, frustrated, disappointed or upset? Do you want to find more things for which you're grateful? Do you want to find more time to spend curled up with a good book or having heart-to- heart conversations with the important people in your life? Do you want to go back to school or change careers or plant a garden? Decide what you want to accomplish and then "just do it." Take the first step towards reaching the outcome you desire.

Each choice you make determines how you experience today, tomorrow and the future. Expect it to be a wonderful life filled with innumerable days and countless awe-inspiring people, places and events. Act according to that belief and, 365 days later when you reflect back on the year, that's just what you will have experienced. The quality of your life depends upon your choices from moment to moment to moment. Happy birthday dear soul. What do you want to do now?

© 2007 Joanne P. Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Fulfillment

I had a coaching session with a client this morning and I asked, “How can your life be full if you feel your thoughts and actions are empty?” I reminded the client that the effort and essence that you put into each day, determines what you get out of the day.

Clever shortcuts which promise reward without effort, will only bring the empty facade of success. To experience the genuine joy of being alive, you must live life with all the grainy details.

The things you think you want are mere symbols of your true desires.  Thoughts and words, and the things they address, can only point the way. Fulfillment comes in the experience, for which there is no substitute.

Meaning is found not in the rewards, for they are only tokens. Seek not to have the gold medal. Instead, seek to be the person who can win the gold medal. It is in the quest that you’ll find the fulfillment which the reward represents.

In other words, fulfillment is about seeking personal satisfaction in the experience rather than in the outcome. Those words really applied to me this week,

Let me give you a personal example. Earlier in the week, I sent an email to a friend who is an intuitive just as I am. I wanted confirmation that even though things on the surface didn’t look like they were going great, I really was living a fulfilling life, Here’s a part of the message:

“Last week three things (that I was interested in doing to be of service and to generate income) fell through. Friends that I’ve talked to about this can’t understand it either...seems like I’m doing the right things and in the right arenas, but the timing hasn’t been right. I get a lot of very positive feedback about the blog postings that I write as well as for the counseling/motivating that I do for clients as well as strangers. I love to help to empower people to make more conscious choices about how they want to live. I love to talk about spiritual concepts and I love to learn. I’m doing these things all the time and I’m basically happy with my life...just want more friends and my soul mate to share it with and more money so that I can go more places and do more things.”

As I was typing the email, I realized that I was actually answering my own question because I realized that my life is already full. I do what I enjoy doing. I “walk my talk” and everywhere I go I bring “light” into the situation. I’m very grateful for the quality of my life and for all the things I’ve learned by just fully participating in my own life rather than being a spectator on the sidelines. When I get a lot more money or find the man of my dreams, my life won’t improve that much because it’s already very good. It would just be like putting icing on a cake. No matter how tasty the frosting, without the cake there would be nothing to support the icing!

For me, having a fulfilling life depends upon my thoughts, my actions, my beliefs and my sense of gratitude. I could have all the worldly wealth and pleasure and without a sense of appreciation, a feeling of worthiness and a connection to a life purpose that’s larger than myself, I still wouldn’t feel fulfilled. I trust that everything that I experience ultimately contributes to my success and that I am the only one who can truly measure and appreciate my success since I’m the only one who truly knows what actions and decisions brought me to this moment in my life. I am very blessed because I like where my life is headed!

© 2007, JPS and Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.

Divine timing

I spend a lot of time talking with people, emailing people and just observing people.  I've noticed that many of us are traveling parallel paths dealing with transitions in our lives and many of us are using our might to keep natural evolution from happening while others are holding fast to the knowledge that everything happens in according to divine timing. I’m in the second group.

Sometimes I wish the process of change/transition/growth was faster but that's just the impatient, scared kid in me responding out of fear. The adult in me knows that there is no time table for anything and that everything will lead me to where I need to go…or, more accurately, where I need to be. I'm really learning to "just be" fully in all the experiences in my life even when the scared little kid wants to run and hide behind a strong adult.

I'm learning that I have to be the strong adult for my little kid and, that each time I take care of myself, my adult gains confidence and my inner kid calms down. I also am learning that there is a gift in all situations; I just have to be willing to look beyond the packaging. Sometimes it's a gift that I have to give someone else, and sometimes it's a gift that somebody has to give me, since giving and receiving are two sides of the same coin. But part of the gift is that I become more courageous.

For all intents and purposes, I'm currently under-unemployed (although I'm actively working on laying all the groundwork for my growing coaching business, writing a book and working on my own self-development), that means I have plenty of time to use my gifts to improve the quality of somebody else’s life and I have the opportunity to acknowledge and give gratitude for all the gifts I regularly receive right. Because of my flexible work schedule, I have the freedom to notice all the gifts and synchronicitic events that take place.

I'm open to all the opportunities that God has in store for me and I KNOW all will be revealed to me when I have done the preparatory work. I have to learn to crawl before I can walk and I have to walk before I can run. This applies to whatever change is going on personally, professionally, physically or emotionally.

But, I must admit, that when an unexpected new “learning opportunity” (challenge) crosses my path which is already littered with growth opportunities, part of me still wants to run and hide behind the nearest adult. When I feel scared, I acknowledge that part of me and then follow my gut reactions and take some positive action and that’s when I start “positive self-talk.” I tell myself:

“You already have what it takes to be anything you want to be, to have anything you want to have, to live the way you want to live. The ability to create the life you desire, is already yours.

Your job is to find that ability, make use of your potential, and take the actions that will lead to the achievement you desire.

It is foolish to wish that you could get something for nothing, foolish, and quite unnecessary. Because you already have everything you could possibly want, if you will just find it and make use of it.

You won’t get something for nothing, and you don’t need it anyway. Look inside yourself. Find the value that is already there, and make the most of it. Whatever you truly desire, you already have the ability to acquire. It’s up to you to make it happen.”

Divine timing means taking one-step at a time in the direction of the outcome we want. If we don’t take action, we’ll never reach our goals no matter how noble they may be.

© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com

Add joy to life...

The “secret” Law of Attraction is all the rage today. People look at it as a way to manifest what they want in their lives. The process does work as long as your beliefs are in harmony with what you want to manifest. What people who first learn about the Law of Attraction sometimes forget is it’s our thoughts and feelings that attract things to us. The universe always answers “Yes” to our feelings. If I constantly complain about how much weight I have to lose, the universe will answer “Yes” and I will continue to hold onto those unwanted pounds. The body would just be following my “orders”. If, on the other hand, I talk about all the things I have to be grateful for and that feeling of gratitude pours forth from my heart, the universe will answer “Yes” but this time it will give me more things to appreciated. It’s my positive emotion that will attract the positive experiences into my life.

The key to having more of what you want in your life is to focus on your thoughts, feelings and actions. Make sure your thoughts and feelings match the results you want. If you want positive results, you have to feel, act and talk positively. If you want more things to worry about, focus on limitation, lack, illness or any other negative.

Add joy to life and you’ll experience more joy. What can you do today to add joy to your own life, to the lives of others, or to the world at large? Can you smile at a stranger, let somebody in front of you in the grocery store line if they only have a few items an you have a huge basket of groceries or compliment a family member on how well they did something. If your are expressing joy, you can’t also be angry because you can only focus on one emotion at a time and you get to choose which emotion that’s going to be.

To the extent that you add true, unencumbered joy to your own life, you more fully become the unique and valuable person that you are.  And the joy that you add to the lives of others, comes back to you over and over again.

What makes you tingle with pure delight? What can you do right now to experience that joy? How can you spread it to others? Find a way, and