Prosperity is just a thought away. That sounds simple doesn't it. It would be great if, by saying some magical affirmation, rubbing a crystal, reading a spiritual or religious passage, or if money, in large denominations and in an unending amount, fell from the heavens. We just needed to stand there with a huge basket and collect all the money we wanted, whenever we wanted it.
I haven't been blogging for several months because I have been dealing with family and personal health challenges/"learning opportunities." I've been in contact with family members, state agencies, the phone company, social workers, caregivers, and numerous other people. I've been bounced from one person to another and had to wait on hold for what felt like eons but in reality was only minutes. The longer I had to wait the more impatient I became. That's when I had my "light bulb moment.
When it rains, it pours. I just got off the phone with the husband of a long-time friend named Paula. She hasn't been answering my emails so I called to see if she retired. She was really looking forward to doing that and then to do all the things she'd put off until she no longer was employed. One of those things was coming to spend some time with me in Arizona I haven't been blogging recently because the last few months have reinforced the importance of living in the moment and appreciating everything. Just let go of anger, grudges, hurt feelings, judgments and anything else that keeps you from experiencing happiness in this very moment. Things have been even more challenging for me recently. Hard to believe... but it's true. Here are just some of the things that have happened in the last few weeks. They are in no particular order and just meant to show you that no matter what you're experiencing somebody is experiencing even more. I've had several other opportunities to learn that lesson over the last month or so. As you may know, I'm recovering from two serious injuries -- both of which left my body in pain and in healing mode. My most recent fall was 2 weeks ago when, while running to get the phone, I tripped and slammed my head, arm and other body parts on a doorframe. Trying to break the fall, I've re-injured the arm that's been "talking to me for almost a year." It's difficult for me to sit, stand, walk and do much of anything. Guess God wants me to stay in one place so we stay connected. Oh, I also broke a tooth and yesterday I had a crown. Normally going to the dentist isn't one of my favorite things to do but yesterday it was actually a pleasant respite from everything else I'm dealing with. I'm proud of myself for dealing with one thing at a time, crying when I felt the need and then looking for the positive gift each event was giving me. There were many. I haven't worked in about a year because of my initial arm injury. I can't drive and need to rest every few hours so my back doesn't go into painful spasms. Because I am single, self-supporting and my coaching/consulting practice is temporarily on hiatus, I'm in huge financial debt and have a total of $800 to my name. I was able to pay my rent for May but have asked God to provide me with all the funds I need for living expenses and to pay off a huge amount of credit card debt. The good news is that I'm going to be on an international Internet radio show on May 26 and it's my intention that my appearance generates income. The best news is that I'm not worrying about these things and just doing "belly breathing" to stay in the moment and to stay calm. It's working. On top of everything else, my mom was taken by ambulance to the hospital on Thursday night when her hip gave way as she was getting up from a chair. She had major surgery and a rod was put into her hip late Saturday evening. About 6 PM Sunday night, I was able to talk with her for the first time. She sounded groggy and she recognized me. She wondered how I knew about the surgery since she lives in California California In actuality, she sounded just the way she always does when I wake her up from one of her naps when I call. I was able to tell her that I love her and that's what I really wanted to do. Now it's a wait and see game. Now I'm coordinating short-term and long-term care for my mom and this all has to be done over the phone. I've had her moved into the same convalescent facility that her sister is in while she’s recovering from a broken leg. They are at opposite sides of the facility (which is a good thing for my mom's sanity) but at least they are near each other. Unless things radically improve and my mom regains her sight as well as her mobility, my sister and I are going to have to go to LA to close my mother's apartment because we don't think she'll be ever able to return or, if she does, she'll need 24/7 nursing help. We paid her rent though June and then it we'll have a better idea about what the next steps have to be. This possibility is very emotional for my sister and me. My mom has lived in the same place for over 30 years -- twenty years after my dad's death. I'm still in healing mode myself and can't drive right without pain so two days ago I had neighbors drop my car off for service. $600 later and my car should be great for the drive to LA. I'm going to drive as soon as I can sit for a long period of time because I want to start taking some of my mom's things home with me. Even if she does return home, there is no reason for her to save her bowling ball, thirty year old candles that are still in their original plastic wrappers, golf clubs, bowling trophies, a set of World Book Encyclopedias from the 60, a doll I got when I was on television about 40 years ago, hasn't worn in years and will never wear. My sister, who lives in San Luis Obispo, and I want to start the de cluttering process prior to my mom's death so we don't go into overwhelm when it happens. Because my mom is diabetic and feisty, we can't predict how much longer she'll be with us but we know these things will need to be done eventually. I want to start doing them before she actually dies -- because it will be easier for me and so she can make her wishes known. Basically, God must think I'm super woman because of all that I'm dealing with and I have no family in Arizona I've come to the point where I'm on financial aid for my insurance but can't qualify for SSI until a year after my initial arm injury and then I'll have to go through a battery of tests. I've even done something that was very hard for me -- I told people that I need morale support, prayers, phone calls or cards as well as gifts of money and help doing marketing and cleaning. I am very independent and it's easy for me to offer help to other but difficult to ask for help for myself. I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. I was so grateful that some of my neighbors brought me food, did errands for me and a former client had 4 dinners sent to my house so I don't have to cook and to make sure I eat balanced meals and the husband of my best friend in Arizona (who died about 18 months ago) brought over some frozen dinners from a cafe that we like that's near my apartment. I've gotten through tough times before but never had to deal with so much as once. All I can do is to take one day at a time and to look for the positives in ALL situations. I know there is a positive aspect to all of this and to find it I have to stay focused on what's happening in this moment. I have to let got of worry about the future or recriminations about the past. I now make sure I say "I love you", stop and smell the roses, stay in contact with friends who live in different parts of the world and appreciate the beauty of every sunrise and sunset. I don't want to waste a precious moment of the limited amount of time we have on the school called planet earth. By paying attention to the good things that are happening, my attracting even more good things into my life and I am very grateful for it all. I even have the buckets ready when money starts pouring from heaven. 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
The following equation really summarizes what needs to take place if you want to make any lasting changes in your life. It looks easy on paper but there's a lot of work that needs to take place behind the scenes. If you change any part of the equation, you change your life – either for the better or the worse.
Beliefs + Choices (Goals) + Actions + Determination + Persistence – doubts = your reality.
Let's take a look at some parts of the equation from the vantage point of an eagle.
1. Beliefs are the results of events or what we are taught as children. They are not true or false. They need to be looked at to see if they are getting you closer to the life you want or keeping it away from you. You might have been believe "you'll never amount to anything" because that's what your dad always said about you. If you examine that belief, you'll be able to determine if it's true now. You'll be able to list all your accomplishments and you'll be able to consciously let go of that negative belief that does nothing to improve the quality of your life.
2. We always have 2 choices – yes or no. We may have forgotten that fact but it's still true. Awareness (knowing something is possible) gives us the power to make new and better choices. No matter what we decide, we need to accept responsibility for our choices if we don't want to be a perpetual victim. If your mind says yes, check in with your gut to see if it agrees. Our intuition is located within our body, not our mind so when follow your feelings since they don't have an ego attachment to the results.
3. Change starts with the intention to do something differently. Nothing changes until some action is taken. I can set the intention that I'm going to lose 10 pounds but until I decrease my calorie intake and increase my expenditure of energy, the number on the bathroom scale isn't going to budge.
4. Determination (consistently focusing your attention and intention) to achieve or get something you really want. You must really want the change in every cell of your being. If you're not committed to the new result, you won't achieve it. If your spouse wants you to stop smoking but you don't want to quit, no amount of determination will turn you into a non-smoker. YOU have to want the result because it's of value to you.
5. Persistence means keep moving forward towards your objective no matter how long it takes to manifest, what other people say about your idea and it may mean taking baby steps until you're ready to sprint to the finish line. Don't give up because the answer to your prayer may be just minutes away from coming to you.
6. Doubts are the result of lack of trust in God, oneself or both. They can come from outside or inside influences. When launching a new idea, don't share it with people who will throw cold water on your red-hot idea. Find people who will cheer you on when your momentum is lagging a bit. If every inventor listened to and was influenced by any "doubting Thomas's", we wouldn't have made so much progress.
We've just covered the basics of the equation at a high level. To actually apply the equation to improve your life, you might consider hiring a professional success coach to help you look at any limiting beliefs that may be buried inside your brain. A coach would also make sure you take action and, because you want to get your money's worth from the coaching relationship, you'll get faster result working in partnership with a coach than you would on your own. Hiring a coach is your commitment to yourself that you really do want to change and that's the first step in having a happier, healthier and more successful life.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein. www.jpstein.org, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
Is your in-basket about to tumble over? Do you have messages saved on your computer that are more than 1 year old and, if you actually need to find a specific one, you'd have to waste time plowing through dozens of messages until you located the one you wanted? What a waste of valuable time! In addition, do you have a problem keeping up with the "fresh" information that keeps pouring in, no less trying to tackle piles of old papers and emails that seem have multiplied since the last time you looked! In other words, do you feel like you have to tame the "data monster" before it buries you alive under a mountain of papers, binders, folders, note pads and other "referance" material that probably out of date?
I know your pain and I have a few suggestions that I've tired and they helped. My office was so litered with pieces of paper with ideas scribbled on them and I had every spare surface in my office covered with file folders, articles, magazines and other "mystery" items. Part of this is an occupational hazard associated with being a writer, coach and seminar leader. I had a general idea where I put things but knew the "data monster" could overwhelm me at any time. I seemed as if I needed to put on a hard hat before entering my office.
It felt like I was getting buried under piles of papers and both my in-and out-boxes on my computer were overflowing with messages that contained information about past events and completed projects. Why was I feeding the "data monster" by saving these things? I'd never use them again. Because of all the clutter, every time I went into my office, the feeling of dread rose to the surface and paralyzed me. I was so far behind in my filing that I thought it was useless even to start.
Recently I felt courageous and decided to tame my ever growing "data monster" after I heard the saying that "the only way to eat an elephant was one bite at a time." I realized that getting organized wasn't an all or nothing proposition. If I was consistant and spent 5 minutes a day organizing "something" in my office, I'd make headway. And I did!
Here are some of the things that helped me:
* I spent the time when I was on hold on the phone deleting old email messages and creating electronic folders for those messages I wanted to keep. I can now located need information more quickly.
* If I hadn't read a journal in a month, I threw it out. The likelyhood of my getting to old journals was slim to none since new materials constantly pour into my office.
* I spent 5 minutes each day tossing unnessary scribbled notes that were litering my desk. I often did this while waiting for a conference call to begin. I turned that "dead time" into something useful.
* I became more discerning about which e-zines I subscribed to and immediately unsubscribed from those that didn't provided me with anything more than a full inbox and more food for the "data monster." There's so much good information on the web that I could have easily spent hours a day just reading instead of actually doing anything.
* I established a "just in time" mentality. When I needed information I would quickly get it from the web and I gave myself permission to become only a "mini" expert on a topic. I didn't have to read everything that was every written on the subject. I just need to get the information I needed to immediately use.
* I use the delete key more often. If a friend sends me a joke or motivational message, I hit the delete button before reading the message and without guilt! If I read and responded to every joke that's sent to me, I'd start the day in overwhelm and that wouldn't get me off to a good start.
* "When in doubt, through it out" became my mantra.
I have to be deligent or my "data monster" will resurface. However, I know I can quickly tame it once again by focusing 5 minutes a day to getting organized. Phew! That's so much easier than believing I have to do it all at once.
I'd be interested to learn what helps you to stay organized. Just write a comment about this blog and your ideas will be shared with present and future readers who want to tame their own "data monsters."
Copyright 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.comn, www.jpstein.org, All rights reserved.
Lift up someone’s spirit today, and it will lift your own. Provide other people with value today, and you will increase your wealth. Spend a little while teaching someone, and you will learn something new.
Praise the work of another today, and you will be admired. Send out your love and love will come to you. Offer encouragement to those around you, and you’ll be more encouraged. Help others to enjoy the sunlight, and it will shine more brightly on you.
Comfort those who suffer, and your own pain will be eased. Expect the best of others, and they’ll see the best in you. Offer your support to the world, and the world will champion your cause. Live with passion and purpose, and the best things in life will find their way to you.
Today you can have, you can be, you can do whatever you’re willing to give of yourself.
Copyright © 1999 Ralph S. Marston, Jr.
This is exactly how I've been living my life for the past 2 years. I've been trusting that the universe provides for those that provide for the universe. So far it's worked well. When I lost my job, I thought I only had enough resources to last a few months but somehow they've lasted years. I haven't missed a meal or failed to pay a bill. Granted I have had to use my credit card to help build my business but I saw it as an investment in myself.
I'm happier now than I was when I was the Human Resources Manager for a connector manufacturer. I no longer take anybody for granted…myself or others. I focus on gratitude and on helping others to achieve their goals. I smile at strangers, give compliments freely and do random acts of kindness. I help friends with their problems, offer words of encouragement to people who are in crisis and give my time to support arts organizations (things that nourish my soul). I like the way I feel when I do these things, when I have a positive attitude about the purpose of my life.
My faith in the principle that everything comes back is currently being tested. I'm now in a situation when I'm looking for the "pay off". I'm willing to receive support from the universe so that I can pay my rent, pay my health and car insurance and all my other bills as well as to have enough discretionary income to travel and to do things that nourish my soul. I guess the doubting Thomas in me is still doing things in the hopes of getting something in return rather than being "unconditional" when I do something.
I'm not sure how to make that leap of faith to trusting 100% that all my needs will be provided for in some way while I have my own fears. I really need God's help right now to find the right niche for me to receive money and other things that show I'm valued and appreciated. I'm now eagerly awaiting to see how my prayers will be answered and how my good works will be rewarded. In my mind, I KNOW they will, that knowledge just hasn't made its way into my heart or my body. I'm willing to have that happen.
I choose to be a teacher of universal principles and I'm now getting the opportunity to "walk my talk." I'm making conscious choices about how I invest my time, talents and resources. I've decided to take care of myself first and to love myself and then to share what I learn with others. This is all part of a process and I'm delighted that, by sharing my own journey in my blog, readers are benefiting. That makes me feel great and I wouldn’t change any of my experiences since they have been of benefit to me and others. It all really does come back!
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. www.jpstein.org All rights reserved.
The Secret, also known as the Law of Attraction, has many people interested in applying spiritual principles in all areas of their life. Many people confuse religion with spirituality and, therefore believe that spirituality doesn't apply to the workplace. I disagree. Maybe after you read my definition of spirituality, you'll agree with me. But, if you don't, that's OK.
What does spirituality in the workplace mean? For me it means many things. It means:
· viewing what I do at work in a higher context;
· seeing how what I do impacts not only me, but my colleagues, my customers, my company my industry, my community and my environment;
· doing things proactively to make my company a better place for the current employees and the ones that will come on board later;
· taking full responsibility for my actions and my "in-actions" – no excuses , no
finger pointing;
· telling my truth, having integrity and being authentic;
· continuous, life-long learning – whether it's acquiring new skills, increasing my self-knowledge or exploring new ideas;
· communicating from my heart rather than my ego and having others do the same;
· expressing gratitude and appreciation openly and often;
· making conscious choices to do what's morally and ethically right every moment of every day;
· giving honest feedback in such a way as to maintain someone else's self-esteem;
· being open-minded as well as non-judgmental and treating everyone with respect no matter what their job title, their race, their religion, their gender or their income bracket;
· encouraging everyone to creatively solve their problems, and then unleashing their creativity to other arenas of the business and the community;
· and realizing that change is the only constant in life.
In other words, spirituality in the workplace means going beyond just "doing unto others as you would have them do unto you." It's about focusing on the quality of our lives and realizing that we're all interconnected. It's about knowing that you can reach your goals only by serving others as best as you can, and helping others achieve their goals. Successful businesses, and successful relationships in general, are built upon service to others.
© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com, www.jpstein.org
Happiness is not the result of favorable conditions. That’s backwards. Favorable conditions result from happiness. So what does it take to be happy? Nothing more than a willingness to be happy and to pay attention to what’s going well in your life.
Happiness comes from the way you respond to life. There are people who have every reason to be miserable, but who still live with happiness and joy. Everyone has challenges and everyone has disappointments. Yet they do not have to get you down. True happiness comes not from the absence of problems but in spite of the problems. Happiness is not a reaction, it is a choice.
For more than nine months, I have had a challenge using my right arm. Up until last week, I couldn’t raise it higher than my waist. Now I can raise it to shoulder level. There has not been one minute of one day that I haven’t been in pain.
I haven’t let that stop me. I’ve felt the pain, limited my activities when necessary, done things that gave me joy and looked for the gift in the situation with my arm. The biggest gift is that I learned to put myself first in the equation of life rather than at the bottom of the list. I’ve also learned that strangers can be very kind, friends can give of themselves and their time and that I’m worthy of receiving. By paying attention, I realized that I don’t have to do anything, I just have to be the best me I can be and my world is a happier place. I’ve also learned to listen to my intuition and to pay attention to my body. I no longer force it to do anything that it doesn’t feel capable of doing. I ask for help instead.
When you look at the world through the fog of your own worries, your anger, your frustration and impatience, many valuable things will just pass you by, completely unnoticed.
Imagine driving through town while someone is holding a gun to your head. Are you going to notice the new flower shop on the corner? Probably not. Your focus will be on that gun.
Are you holding a gun to your own head, by constantly focusing on what’s wrong with your life? Are you so obsessed with your own problems that you don’t see the opportunities all around you?
Your attention can be effectively focused on only one thing at a time. Sure you have problems and challenges. Yet what is the point, what is the value of agonizing over them?
Pay attention to what’s good about your life. Rather than worrying about what you don’t have, seek to make the best of all the good things you do have. There are a lot of things right with your life. Give your attention to them and they will grow.
© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, JPS & Associates, www.bestcoach4u.com
Have you ever had a disagreement with a family member, friend, co-worker or complete stranger and gotten frustrated because the other person just didn’t “get” what you were trying to say? I know I sure have. I’ve found that certain words shut down communication while others are keys to open communication.
Here are some words that shut down communication.
You’re wrong…
I never said that…
You should…
You must…
You always…
Can’t you…
Shut up…
When you start sentences with these words it’s as if you’re holding up a big red stop light because all positive communication stops and a game of “he said, she said” starts and never really ends. One party is trying to prove they are “right” which means they have to make the other party “wrong” and nobody really likes to be wrong. It’s as if you start the conversation with a closed mind and nothing the other person can say is going to change your mind. Neither party is really satisfied with the results and has to find a way to release the anger that is generated by closed communication. That can take the form of physical or emotional abuse, illness, depression, or addictions to name just a few.
On the other hand, if you want to really have close relationships and to feel good about yourself and others, you might consider using open phrases similar to the ones below. They are statements about how you feel or what you want. Nobody can tell you that you don’t want or need something because they are not you. They have not had your life experiences nor seen an event from the exact same point of reference as you did. Both of you filter your interpretation of an event through your own frames of reference.
Sentences that start with “I” or “Would” give the green light to continuing the conversation. You are just giving or asking for information. This takes the emotion out of the statement and allows the other party to stay neutral rather than to jump into a defensive mode. These opening phrases enable you to say exactly what is real for you.
I’ve noticed…
Is it OK with you…
Are you willing…
I have a need to…
I want…
I need…
I’d appreciate…
I’d prefer…
Would you please…
I’m curious…
Would you consider…
Choose your words carefully because they will either bring you closer to another or push them away. If you notice you used a “red light” word and didn’t mean to, an “I’m sorry” goes a very long way.
© 2007, Joanne Stein, JPS and Associates. www.bestcoach4u.com, All rights reserved.
Do you know any person who is perfectly right all the time? The fact is no one is ever completely right or completely wrong all the time. I’m certainly not. You are not. The people in your life are not.
It helps to keep this in mind as we relate to one another. We all make mistakes. We all have brilliant moments of insight. And normally, we all fall somewhere in between those two extremes.
“Walk a mile is somebody else’s shoes” before you judge or criticize them. Our life circumstances and our reactions to those situations create our character, our viewpoint about life and our coping skills.
No two people have had the exact same experiences or the exact same reactions to a situation. We each do the best we can to get the love and support we want and to maintain the “illusions” about ourselves that we think define who we are . As my aunt who is in her 80s has been going through the “healing process” associated with her broken leg, she’s told people not to come and visit her. She wants to be alone.
I heard this and it made me uncomfortable since it’s the opposite of how I react to stressful situations. I want people around me when I don’t feel well. I want immediate love, support and soothing words. I tried to put myself in my aunt’s shoes (or shoe as the case may be) and, from her perspective, she wants to be alone as she doesn’t want to admit that she’s not in control of the situation. She doesn’t want to admit to herself that she’s human just like the rest of us. That’s her self-image and she wants to hold on to it, no matter what the cost.
I don’t have a right to change her since her viewpoint is no more right than mine is. Her coping mechanisms are as perfect for her as mine are for me. All I can do is to see beneath the surface and see my aunt’s core. She’s a point of divine love, just as I am. Granted that I wish she’d reveal that more often but it’s there none the same. When I focus only our differing personality traits, we walk in different directions. When I allow the love within my soul to merge with the love within her soul, we can walk together on common ground. For me, that’s the path I choose to follow. My aunt has to choose her own path and I have to allow her to do so, even if it takes her to places that I don’t want to go.
A powerful strategy for effective communication is to first understand the other person. You must go beyond superficial judgments to find something of value with which you can identify and relate. You’ll never completely agree on everything, yet you can almost always find useful and valuable common ground.
Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com, jp@bestcoach4u.com
It is easy to say that problems can be turned into opportunities. But how do you really make that happen? When a problem first appears, it never does seem like an opportunity. It usually is intimidating and overwhelming.
So what turns a problem into an opportunity? Action. The quickest way to transform a problem into an opportunity is to do something about it. Take action. Go to work on the problem, and the opportunity will begin to reveal itself.
Worrying and complaining will only make the problem worse. Action is what will improve the situation. Think back to all the challenges youâve faced in the past, and to how your action changed them from feeling negative to positive.
As I'm writing this, I have a shoulder âlearning opportunityâ thatâs taking the form of pain which limits my ability to do some very basic things. This situation has been going on for more than 6 months. Every day I have 2 choices: worry or do something positive. Today I chose to write my blog share what I've learned with others who may be going through a physical, emotional or financial challenge now or who go will through or in the future.
Because of what Iâve experienced for more than half of a year, I am better prepared to turn challenges into opportunities for growth. I now have an âemergency preparedness kitâ that Iâve created to assist me in turning a problem into an opportunity. When faced with a new challenge, I always remember to use my "emergency preparedness kit" â they're things to do to help you when you have a problem, no matter what size the problem is.
Breathe. Focused breathing relieves stress and keeps you focused in the moment.
Shed as many tears as you need to. Feel and express all the emotions that come up and do it for as long as you feel it's necessary. Don't listen to people who tell you to stop crying if you still feel you have some tears left to shed. They want you to stop so they'll feel better so they won't have to feel their own feelings.
Do research to find out all you can about the situation: The more information you have the better able you will be to make wise decisions.
Ask for help. If there are specific things that will help you to resolve a problem, ask for help. You increase the odds that you'll get what you need if people are aware of what they can do for you.
Keep focused. That may mean replacing fearful thoughts with affirmations, cleaning windows, doing a puzzle, or engaging in a hobby. The more you can turn your energy away from obsessive worry, the better you'll be able to handle the situation.
Take care of yourself. Take your vitamins, eat healthy foods, get some exercise, be around nature or beauty and relax. You need all your energy at this time and "running on empty" will only cause problems for you in the future. This may also mean asking for professional help from your doctor, clergyman or a mental health professional if you feel yourself becoming depressed or feeling hopeless about the situation.
Develop a plan. Think through the options you're facing and create an action plan for each option. That way you'll be prepared and the problems won't seem so overwhelming.
Learn from the experience. This is a time to learn more about yourself and those around you. It's a time to see that no one benefits if you hold on to old hurts or grudges. It's a time to forgive and to express your truth in the moment and to focus on facts rather than on judgment or blame. What you learn and do now will help you in the immediate situation and prepare the groundwork for improved relationships in the future.
Pray. Turn the situation over to a Higher Power and trust that HE has an even more detailed plan for your ultimate happiness. HE sees the big picture while you only see one small piece of it. Besides, HE can work miracles!
By using the tools in this "emergency preparedness kit", you'll be better equipped to handle any problems that you may experience on life's journey.
Copyright © 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved
When you’re tempted to give in to anger, resentment, self-pity, envy, or other feelings of negativity, remember this: life is a privilege, not a punishment.
Think of how a tiny insect acts to save its own life when injured or threatened. Consider the compelling wisdom in that instinct for self- preservation. Life is precious to the living, no matter how seemingly insignificant. It is a privilege worth preserving and nurturing.
I have an 80 year old aunt who is currently in a convalescent hospital recovering from breaking her leg for the second time. Ever since I can remember, she’s always whined, complained, assumed the role of victim and generally been miserable. She’s always acted as if life was a punishment to be endured rather than a blessing to be enjoyed. And, she’s not a fun person to be around and never has been.
My aunt’s health issue and her continuous complaining reminded me of several important lessons. First, it reminded me to live in the moment because no one (no matter how young or how old) knows exactly how many moments they have left. Second, it reminded me to say all the loving and kind things aloud that we just assume people know. Whatever you'd regret not having said after somebody dies, say it now. People like to hear "thank you", "I love you", "I appreciate the extra effort you put into that project." It also will make your feel great. On the flip side, whatever petty grievances or grudges you're holding onto, let go of them now. Why hold onto those negative feelings for one more day? Does being right really mean more to you than being happy? How do you really feel deep down in your guts when you're harboring negative feelings towards another? Is your perceived victory really worth the price?
My aunt’s broken leg reminded me of a third lesson. As long as you're alive you can make a contribution to somebody's life. My aunt could be making her nurses’ workdays more enjoyable or be bringing a smile to another patient’s face. Instead she’s doing the opposite and wondering why the staff at the hospital isn’t “jumping at her command”.
Be necessary. That doesn't mean being co-dependent or playing the martyr. It means making the world a better place because you're alive and that can be done by such simple acts as smiling at strangers or letting somebody in front of you in the grocery store. The more necessary you make yourself, the more successful and the happier you’ll be in this world.
How many lives can you improve today? What can you do that will make the most difference for the most people? What special thing do you have to offer, and how can you get others to benefit from it?
No matter what kind of work you do or what your age, there is always the opportunity for you to make a difference. All you have to do is to focus on the positive, smile, truly listen to other people from a loving space inside your heart rather than from a judgment place inside your head, and you become a healing agent for the planet. You play a very important role. There are really no menial jobs, and there are no magnificent jobs. It is the person doing the work who gives that work value. It is the desire and ability to effectively serve others that brings about success and happiness.
Every day, in every situation, make yourself necessary. Seek out ways to offer a meaningful contribution. Enthusiastically place yourself in the service of others. That is the attitude which leads to success. That is the pathway of accomplishment, wealth, and excellence. Be necessary, make a positive difference, and you will enjoy your life more and you will leave a wonderful legacy for all whose lives you have touched.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
If I went to a gym and attempted to bench press 300 pounds, I could not do it. Just getting me to step foot into a gym would be a Herculean effort. Yet there are many people who can bench press 300 pounds or more. They are able to do this because they have, through weight training and a “can do attitude”, developed the necessary muscle strength to lift that much weight as well as they confidence to actually do it. The only way to develop the muscle strength for lifting heavy weights, is to set the intention to do so and then start lifting lighter weights, and steadily work up to the desired weight.
The same concept applies to any kind of worthwhile accomplishment. You cannot expect to achieve a big success without first building your own muscles of success. Repeatedly lifting lighter weights will give you the strength to lift heavier weights. Similarly, every challenge you overcome gives you the strength to take on bigger challenges. Before you can be a doctor or lawyer, you must pass tests. Before you can be a certified technician, you must demonstrate your ability to do given tasks. Before you can be a sales person, you must be comfortable talking to people. All the preliminary training of your mental and physical muscles are necessary to prepare you for success. Sorry to burst your bubble but there is no easier way to reach your goals – no fairy dust, magic lamp or magic wand. It’s all up to YOU.
How strong are your muscles of success? Do you train and develop them every day by your willingness to take on tasks that truly challenge you? The strength needed for success in any endeavor is developed by repeatedly and effectively overcoming obstacles. Take on the challenges, and see how much stronger they make you.
Usually when we are told to exercise, we’re told to “go outside or go to the gym and get some exercise.” I want to suggest that today you go within and exercise your mind. Thoughts precede action. Begin to see and to think about yourself as a success; let go of old and overused negative images about yourself and hold on to the concept that you have skills and abilities to be a success. Start small; just observe how many times during an hour you say negative things about yourself either aloud or in you mind. Then as you get stronger as an observer, increase the intensity of your mental workout by replacing each negative thought with something positive. The stronger your “mental muscle”, the more success you’ll experience.
© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
It’s in the low 40s at 8:00 in the morning and I’m bundled up in sweat clothes and eating my warm oatmeal as I type this blog entry.
I love the cool weather since here in Arizona we has so little of it. It feels great to put on a sweater, eat warming foods, gather around a fireplace and being able to be outside during the afternoon without fear of dissolving into a puddle of sweat. It’s also nice to be able to touch the steering wheel in my car without risking 3rd degree burns and to be able to keep things in the car without fear that they will melt into some unrecognizable form.
It rained yesterday and that was delightful – the sound of the rain on the roof and seeing thirsty vegetation drinking in as much moisture as possible, knowing that it may be a long time between showers since Arizona averages over 300 days of sunlight, some of which is blazing hot. Smelling fresh air and seeing the art show put on by the clouds were also a treat.
I’m savoring every moment, Instead of complaining about the rain or the chilly temperatures, I’m saying prayers of gratitude. Mother Nature is in charge of the weather and she’s more powerful than I am. It would be foolish to try to change the weather and frustrating beyond words. So, I just surrender to whatever is happening outside, knowing it won’t last forever and finding what makes each season special. How boring life would be with weather changes. I experience inner joy when I let go of any tendencies to want to make things different and when I stop myself from complaining about the weather or anything else for that matter.
Being fully present in the moment, makes life so much richer. It adds texture, smells, feelings and beauty to my life. The key for me is to remember there are many things in my life, much like the weather, that are out of my control. That doesn’t mean my life is “worse” or “better” than anyone else’s. It's all about my attitude. I choose to experience all aspects of my life as they occur and expecting to find the sliver lining in the clouds. I appreciate the greatness of every season, experience and person I encounter. It feels so much better than regretting the past or worrying about the future.
I can’t change the weather but I can prepare for it and enjoy life moment to moment to moment in whatever form it takes in my life. As I've said in other blogs, happiness is an inside job.
© 2007 Joanne (JP) Stein. www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
I’ve been doing a lot of introspection lately – probably because the pain in my arm is still limiting my mobility a bit. I’m so proud of myself when I accomplish a simple task such as washing my hair or putting on just about any piece of clothing. I know I’ll never take the use of my arms for granted.
I’m actually glad my arm is keeping me home and quiet rather than rushing around and feeling that I’ll never be able to get everything checked off my “To Do List”. I’ve had the luxury of time to go within my soul to find my authentic self and to notice how I behave in various situations. I’ve been asking myself one of Dr. Phil McGraw’s questions, “How’s that working for you?”
Some things are working great. I’m listening to my body more. If it’s tired I rest rather than override the need for my arm to be still. I ask for help more often and actually gratefully receive it and I am now recovering “people pleaser.”
What I noticed is that people always wanted to talk or to do something with me when they needed something whether it was an ear to listen to their problems, a coach to help them with a business or relationship problem or a body to go someplace with them because they didn’t want to go alone. I noticed that when I chose no longer to constantly give to other, often at my own expense, those friendships slipped away. And, guess what? I am actually happier. The energy I was investing in them, I now could invest in myself. I’m also learning to value and appreciate myself more. I don’t have to be a “people pleaser” to have friends because those relationships were so one-sided. I now prefer to be by myself rather than listening to people complain about things – sometimes for years – and never doing anything to improve the situation.
I’ve finally matured enough that I can say “no” without feeling guilty. I realized that the person who wanted me to do something would find somebody else to please them. I also realized that that same person often thought nothing of saying “no” to me when I asked for help or a favor or just an open heart who’d listened without judgment.
Giving and receiving are the flip side of the same coin. If I find that I’m either always giving or always receiving, the relationship isn’t healthy. “It’s not working for me.” Then I get to decide what I want to do next. If somebody is going to be uncomfortable, no longer will it always be me.
© 2007, Joanne (JP) Stein, www.bestcoach4u.com. All rights reserved.
At about 2:15 pm, while I was setting up some automatic bill pay accounts, the electricity went off in my apartment and in half of the entire complex. My computer didn’t work. I couldn’t listen to music or watch TV. My stove, microwave and refrigerator became useless. My cordless phone was silent. If I washed my hair, I would have to let it air dry since neither my blower dryer or straightening iron could be used. I didn’t have any light to read by or even to locate things in my closet. I was shocked at how much I take electricity for granted. It’s always “there” and I’ve come to take it for granted.
As soon as I realized the power would be off for a bit, I went around the apartment and lit candles and located flashlights. I loved the look of my apartment bathed in candle light. I reminded myself that I didn’t have to wait until the electricity went out to use candles. Anytime I want a change of atmosphere, I can light one, two or a dozen candles and enjoy their glow. Because I was focusing on how pretty things looked, I wasn’t concerned about how long the power would be off and I didn’t head straight for fearful thoughts. I stayed focused on enjoying the momen
